


On Possession

by chipperdyke



Series: On Possession: Text and Epilogues [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Excessive Smut, F/F, Magical Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-03 06:03:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 48,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5279543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chipperdyke/pseuds/chipperdyke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(f)Adaar/Josephine. The Mark acts up, to wonderful and disastrous effect. NSFW.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major thanks to my beta Sashimae, without whom this fiction would probably not exist at all! She provided the inspiration, and major type edits, and a thoughtful take on all my terrible ideas.
> 
> I recognize that during the course of this fiction I grapple with a number of very sensitive and difficult issues. My hope is to address these issues in a respectful but realistic fashion, while staying true to the richly detailed political world of Thedas and to the beautiful and complex woman that DA has given us in Josephine Montilyet. In parts of this fiction, I may appear to have strayed from the obvious goal of grand, sweeping romance, but I promise you that it remains at the heart of this fic. I hope that you will agree, in the end, that it was all worth it. 
> 
> But first, for some smut...

Janice Adaar was back from her first foray into the Dales and the party entered with as much fanfare as usual, slipping in the side entrance of Skyhold. Josephine noticed anyway; she had kept her window open slightly for the past week, although the season was changing quickly into fall, and already they had seen snow. Jan's plan was to briefly ride to the Dales, meet Fairbanks, and return almost immediately, so Josephine kept her ears pricked for the trotting of the pack horses. She frequently caught herself poised at the window, daydreaming as the packmaster took one of the reserve horses out the gate. Daydreaming about the latest secrets Jan had shared with her in the semi-private but still socially acceptable garden gazebo. And imagining this very moment, when Jan arrived again.

She waited a few hours after the group entered the gates, during which she kept finding herself hopelessly, endlessly pacing. _Now she's unloading her packs. Now she's putting away the horse and storing away the packs in the Undercroft. Now she's walked up to her quarters. Now she's bathing._ She kept reprimanding herself and sitting back down, but always found herself back on her feet again. Anxious.

She waited until the sun was teasing the top of the Western mountains before she carefully filed away her papers and blew out her candle. The attendants would handle the rest of the lights. She walked casually, slowly out of her office and on to the main hall, nodding her greetings to the guests just preparing for supper. They were not expecting Jan, who did not run a proper court anyway, but showed up as she pleased.

She slipped through the throng and through Jan's quarters' door. Most paid no heed, likely thinking that Jan had not returned yet. She hoped that not too many took note, as this was just the scenario to ignite the already smouldering rumors about their relationship. Rumors that were, it happened, true.

She thought to herself that she must reprimand the builders for not taking particular care to clean up Jan's tower more nicely. There were still scattered bricks and lumber about, and she dodged through them nimbly. She hadn't come here since their affair had started in earnest, so as to avoid both the rumors and the possible invitation to intimacy that such a move might have opened. It had been a few months of kisses in the gazebo, always cut off too soon. Josephine was new to love, but an old player of The Game, and knew that you must always leave before you become tiresome. Leave while they are still wanting more.

She hesitated at the door, breath catching. She meant for this to happen, now. It was never really a question of if, but when. She could feel the coils of desire already tightening in her gut, and smoothed her hair to try to regain her composure. She had let it down, knowing that Jan had only seen her hair down a few times.

 _There is nothing wrong with this plan_ , Josephine reminded herself. _This is the way of love. Jan won't hurt you any more than you might hurt her._ Yet still she hesitated.

Finally, she realized, _It might not even happen._

Her heart jumped in her chest as she remembered who it was on the other side of the door, and knocked eagerly. She had been gone for three endless weeks, and she was finally home.

"Josephine," Jan said when she opened the door. Their hands met, clasped, and then their lips, in a sweet, soft kiss. "I was hoping to see you tonight." The familiarity of her touch did nothing to reduce the tingling ache it left on Josephine's skin.

"Mmm," Josephine replied, her breath already coming heavy. She disentangled her left hand from Jan's and slid it around the small of her waist, grasping at Jan's body, pulling her in for another, longer kiss.

When they broke that kiss, Jan's eyes were lidded. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Josephine said. She had pushed Jan through the doorway, and closed the door behind them. They were already alone, but the action seemed to give Jan an unknown signal, and Jan advanced on her, a singular look in her eye. Josephine reached her arms around Jan's neck, and Jan cradled her head in her hand as she softly backed Josephine up against the door. She crouched, kissing Josephine's lips and carefully pressing her breasts to Josephine's with a difficulty born of their difference in size. Their legs interlocked, with Jan's knees actually hitting the wood of the door as she crouched. Josephine had worn a slender dress with just a slip underneath, by luck, and the heady feeling of their legs touching was intoxicating.

Josephine ran her hand back up Jan's back, arching her back into Jan's body and involuntarily tipping her head back. Jan saw the invitation for what it was and moved down to Josephine's neck, her other hand snaking around Josephine's back and encircling her rib cage. Josephine heard a moan escape her own lips.

She felt like putty in Jan's hands, and her head was ringing with the intensity of feeling. When Jan took the hand that was behind her head and cupped her breast with it, she moaned again, this time more deliberately. Jan had never touched her breast, and now Josephine hoped that she would never stop. She couldn't really feel the hand, but the symbol of it was poignant and hopeful.

Their eyes met, and then Jan softly kissed across her collarbone and down to that breast, placing one careful, tender kiss on the swell of flesh before the fabric of her dress began. Josephine's knees actually buckled, and before she could say exactly what had happened, Jan had released her breast and was looking at her in alarm.

"Andraste's piss," Josephine hissed, pushing Jan away and burying her face in her hands. Her face was burning in embarrassment, and she curled her shoulders into the corner, away from Jan.

"Josephine," Jan said, her voice low but booming in the stillness. She was so close that Josephine could feel her breathing, but she wasn't touching her. "Hey," she said. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. I want you so badly I could burst."

Josephine scoffed, half a laugh and half a sob. Jan touched her hip and guided her back around to face her, looking into her eyes searchingly. There was something delicate and sweet about her looks, no matter what they were trying to convey. Her eyes were so full of feeling, and her cheekbones so soft, the features so pixielike, that despite her bulk she gave a sense of delicateness that Josephine had always striven for, and so rarely achieved.

"I want to make you rock into me over and over," Jan said, and the searching look transformed into a naughty one.

Josephine smiled back at her at that, and before she could second guess it, she said, "Will you take me to bed?" Her breath caught in her throat.

"Oh, yes," Jan said simply, and scooped her up like a doll, taking the stairs two and three at a time with bounding strides. She set her down on her feet at the foot of the bed and kissed her perfunctory, distractedly trying to work on the ties that bound Josephine's exterior corset to her body. Neither effort was paying off, so Josephine slapped her hands away and undid the knot, loosening the corset while Jan watched. She shimmied out of it, and then took Jan's hands and put them on her waist. Her breasts were released from their prison and she could see Jan's hungry eye on them.

They kissed once again, deeply, and then Josephine undid Jan's belt and sash. Jan pulled at the top of Josephine's dress experimentally and Josephine rolled her eyes and pulled the dress down, bringing with it the slip and leaving only her underpants.

"Wow," Jan said, and dropped unexpectedly to her knees, which brought the top of her head approximately to the level of Josephine's chin. She sat back on her heels and kissed Josephine's belly beside the swell of her hips, moving upward and toward the center, and then around her breast in a circle that ended on Josephine's nipple. She sucked and then nipped it, and then she looked up into Josephine's eyes as if to gauge the reaction.

Josephine was warring with self-consciousness, which nearly stifled her desire entirely. Jan was always soft and careful, and if Josephine showed her hesitation she knew that she would probably spoil the entire effort. So she clenched her jaw and said, "Harder."

Jan didn't hesitate, snaking her hand up Josephine's naked leg and squeezing her ass as she returned to her breast. She moaned a tiny bit, a rumbling sound that Josephine could feel as well as hear, and Josephine took a slow, deep breath, feeling the desire come racing back up her legs and down her belly to her pulsing center. She put her hand in Jan's amber hair, cropped short around her horns, and stroked her head, arching into her. "Yes," she hissed, starting to pant again.

Jan moved to the other breast, leaving her hand on the first. The sensation was overpowering, and Josephine put her head back, trying to stay on her feet. She could tell that she was hyperventilating, and tried to hold her breath, only to gasp again and again.

"OK," Josephine said, and grabbed Jan's shoulders, pushing her face away. "Get this - take this off you," she said, and fumbled at the fastenings on the shoulders. There were two dozen buttons, and Jan wordlessly helped to undo them all. Then there was a mini corset, made to order, and an undershirt, and then a great expanse of grey skin, goosebumps prickling as Josephine ran her hands along it.

"Are you cold?" Josephine whispered, cupping Jan's face in her hand.

"'No, sweetness," she said, and she stood back up. Josephine's hand trailed down her torso, avoiding her breasts, and she laid her face against her chest as she had done so many times already. This time their skin slid and tingled against each other's, but she could still hear Jan's heart beating fast in her chest.

"I want you so badly I could burst," Josephine said, echoing Jan's words. Jan laughed at that, and Josephine could hear the laugh as it started in her chest. Her heart sang with the sensation of knowing her with such perfection, and she thought at that moment that she was certainly in love.

She undid the inner cloth belt of Jan's pants and worked off the buttons, letting the pants fall around Jan's ankles. She caught a glimpse of amber curls before Jan captured her lips. Josephine ran her hand around Jan's hip and around the swell of her ass to cup it, and kissed her with all of the singing sensation in her heart.

Josephine wasn't sure how it happened, but Jan somehow, despite gripping her so lightly, lifted her off her feet. She lifted her legs and straddled Jan's body, luxuriating in the sinewy muscle that slid under the grip of her hands on Jan's back and stomach and shoulders. This was the perfect pose, their breasts just touching, their bellies against each other, and everything finally within Josephine's reach. She consumed Jan's lips and moved down to her neck, and then rotated her hips so that her core was against Jan's belly, this time deliberately grinding against her. She gripped Jan's nipple and pulled it, and Jan moaned, "Oh, Josephine."

"Lay me down," Josephine said, her every nerve singing. She couldn't remember how it happened, exactly, but in the next moment she was horizontal in on the plush blankets of Jan's bed, arching her nipples into Jan's eager mouth. She pulled at her underpants and Jan helped to take them off, and then hesitated again, searching Josephine's face for any sign of hesitation or fear.

"Oh, take me," Josephine pleaded. "Please just…"

Jan laid her body against Josephine's and captured her lips, and Josephine growled deep in her throat, her body absolutely insistent on its purpose. Her growl cut off as Jan's hand gripped the inside of her thigh and then teased apart her inner lips.

There was nothing in Josephine any more but the deepest carnal desire. Jan's touch rocked her body, and she moaned as Jan softly stroked her, sending lightning down her limbs. This was nothing she had ever experienced before; this kind of touch seemed impossible, like a secret trigger that had been hidden in her body and never discovered until this moment.

And then Jan penetrated her, continuing the stroking motion on her inside and outside, and she rocked into the motion, setting a hard rhythm, gasping with the impossibility of the feeling. The lightning was still happening, but the deep touch was yet another feeling, hard and heavy and softer than the other touch. The inside touch ruled her body, consumed her and made her a slave.

Then her entrance twinged, not the sharp spike of virginity, but a pain like it, and she pushed Jan's shoulder away from her. Jan retreated immediately, pulling gently out of her and saying, "Hey, hey."

Josephine kissed Jan, hard, not finished. Her passion had suddenly come unfocused, and she scrambled for a moment, overflowing but without a purpose. Then Jan moaned into her kiss, and Josephine knew. She pushed Jan's shoulder again, and Jan broke the kiss, not understanding. "Lay on your back," she said, and climbed on top of Jan, slipping her hips between Jan's legs.

She grasped the inside of Jan's leg, copying Jan's movement, trying to judge where Jan was. Jan's eyes lidded and her butt actually raised off the bed, her panting making her body writhe a little, rhythmically. She had to prop her upper body up a little with her elbows because her horns were too big to let her lay fully down. "Oh," Jan said as Josephine snaked up her body, ending with a deep kiss. Josephine found her mound and pressed her fingers into it, and her fingers were lost in the wetness. In confusion, she tried to mimic Jan's motion, but with Jan's hips rocking into her she found her fingers plunging into Jan's body almost by accident.

"Woah," Josephine gasped. Jan's body was rippling around her fingers, drawing her in. The slick wetness was intoxicating and strange, deep and endless. Jan was staring at her, rocking only slightly now, her mouth open. Josephine pulled her fingers slightly out and then plunged back in, forgetting all her reading in the bewilderment of the moment.

"Curl your fingers up, yes, yes," Jan said, and Josephine pulled partially out, hooking her fingers around Jan's pelvic bone and then plunging in, deep and hard. Jan cried out and grabbed her shoulder, and Josephine plastered her body against Jan's and repeated the motion, three of her fingers in as deep as she could. Jan's body was almost motionless now, waiting, and Josephine suddenly understood that just as she was a slave to Jan's deep thrusts, now Jan was a slave to her fingers. Her body was hanging on every movement.

Josephine thrust again, and then found that her core was pressing wetly against Jan's thigh. It felt incredible, perfect. She stroked her fingers along Jan's inside, not retreating this time, and she could see Jan's eyes roll back, her body starting to coil and pulse. She ground herself against Jan's leg and tweaked her nipple, and pulled her hand just partially out one more time.

"Oh, Josephine," Jan said, opening her eyes and looking into her face. And then Josephine plunged in again, and Jan's body was shaking, goosebumps running up and down her chest and arms. Josephine stroked her inside, and Jan's core constricted spasmodically around her fingers three times, and then one faint fourth time as Jan's body quieted.

Josephine pulled out of her and started to climb off her, aware that her body was now wound tightly against Jan's relaxed one. Jan followed her retreat so that their legs still were entangled, but they were laying on their sides with their heads on level. Finally she opened her eyes and stared into Josephine's, and Josephine almost said the three words that were forbidden today. "I - that was incredible," Josephine said instead. "Your body is - I could touch you like that for hours."

Jan's lips quirked and she groaned contentedly. "You, too. If you would let me," she pouted.

Josephine almost said, "I'm ready for you," but the moment wasn't right. She was relishing this moment of contentment, anyway, and instead she reached out to touch Jan's horns, one of her favorite activities. She loved their smoothness and roughness, the way they connected to Jan's skull. They were both utterly natural and completely alien. She ran her finger along the interface between Jan's skin and her horns, studying the slight fold in Jan's skin at that place.

"You're incredible," Josephine whispered, meeting Jan's eyes and then shifting her attention to her body. In essence it was just the same as any eight foot tall woman's body might be, but it was grey, of course, and muscular as a man's body in some places. Some places were just curves. She sat up and pushed Jan's shoulder toward the bed, so that Jan rolled onto her stomach.

Josephine laid her body against Jan's and stretched out their arms together, reaching. Her fingertips reached halfway down Jan's forearm, and she giggled, nuzzling her nose into the back of Jan's hair, between her horns.

"I looked death in the eye last week," Jan said conversationally.

Josephine almost jumped out of her skin. "What?" she said, arching around to see Jan's face.

It wasn't that she wasn't aware of what Jan was doing during her missions. Jan had just never expressed such a sentiment to her before, and consequently the possibility of her dying had just never been very visceral to Josephine.

"We ran into the fight a little unprepared. The guy was huge, a human, and just really tough. We beat him, but I wasn't there to see it. They told me afterward that he had ripped a hole in my chest straight through to the other side, so you could see the inside of my rib cage." Jan indicated her ribs, making a slashing motion across them.

Josephine gulped. She knew that healing potions could do a lot, even revive someone whose heart had stopped pumping seconds before. But they could not raise the dead.

"Dorian administered the potion as Cole finished the guy off. It was a close one."

Josephine reached out and caressed the part that Jan had indicated. "It didn't occur to me to worry if you would come back," she confessed. "Is it terrible -"

"No," Jan interrupted. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you."

"Has this happened to you before?"

"When we lost Haven, that was the closest, I think." Josephine thought back, remembering how afraid they had been when Jan never reappeared. She was just the Inquisitor then, friendly but so unachievable that she seemed distant despite the warmth in her voice when they spoke. Josephine remembered with a pang how her longing had started then.

She scooted close to Jan and kissed the silky skin on her ribs. The skin rippled under her lips, and she reached carefully up her leg, the huge slab of her thigh feeling unfamiliar but precious under her fingers. Jan's body's response to her attention stoked the fire in her chest, and she wracked her mind, remembering back to long nights spent in the library, a few more obscure titles clutched tightly under a small reading lantern. Hoping not to get caught, but unable to tear herself away from the half-imagined scenes suggested by the books.

She pressed her hand against Jan's hip and was gratified at how easily she followed the suggestion to lay on her back, although she still had to prop up her torso up because of the horns.

"How do you sleep, anyway?" Josephine said, scrambling up the bed and snatching up a few carefully selected pillows, putting them under Jan's head.

"Qunari sleep standing up," Jan said, furrowing her brow at Josephine. Josephine stared at her, trying to imagine it and failing completely. Jan waited three heartbeats and then said, "On my side, you. What did you think?"

Josephine blushed and kissed her, settling her in the pile of pillows. She placed both of her hands on Jan's hips, feeling a curious sense of satisfaction in being able to grasp her there. She had her smaller body nestled between Jan's legs, but all was in rest. _Not for long,_ she thought. "Tell me if I do anything wrong."

Jan nodded and then gasped as she scooted down to the amber mound and started kissing all around it. Jan put up her knees and her core opened to Josephine, who did not hesitate to explore it with her tongue. She didn't know much, but she was determined to learn. It took a minute or two to get fully oriented, and then she focused her attention on the upper part, having a vague idea that was where Jan had touched her.

Jan's hips started twitching, which she took as an encouragement, although every time it happened she had to start all over again seeking out the nub. The experience was so different from using her fingers, complicated in a different way. She was beginning to realize that she had cheated with her fingers, but she tried to make up for it now.

Finally her mouth tired of being open, and the bottom of her tongue started burning. She scooted back up in the bed, wiping her mouth, and inspected Jan's face. She was giving Josephine a wistful grin. "You're incredible, do you know that?" she said quietly, and then a mischievous look stole over her face. "Where did you learn that?"

"A book," Josephine said.

" _You_ can find a book for anything," Jan said, eyes flashing as she scooped Josephine's body up and deposited it on the bed. A thrill went from Josephine's head to her toes, and she eagerly arched into Jan's touch, her body regaining some of its former tension. Jan touched her gently, her hand covering half of Josephine's rib cage as she caressed her. "Let me try," she said, and Josephine could only moan in response.

At first the sensation was slight, but then Jan was oriented and the sensation was absolutely immense, overpowering. She spent a few minutes on the nub and then started teasing Josephine's opening with her tongue. Josephine tried to keep her hips still, instead murmuring and hissing her encouragement. She wanted more, harder, faster…

"You don't understand how badly I need you," Josephine complained, panting, and Jan looked up with a mischievous look. She returned with her tongue, but Josephine knew that something was different.

And then Jan penetrated her carefully, gently with her finger, still working on her clit with her tongue. Josephine could feel her body contract around Jan's finger, and fell backward onto the bed, an incoherent word escaping her lips as the world faded slightly to white. Then Jan started stroking her slowly, and her body spasmed, and she knew little else until Jan was kissing her forehead and cheeks.

"Are you OK?" Jan asked.

"Faint."

"I had no idea that my ambassador was so lusty."

Josephine groaned and buried her face in Jan's chest. "I… can't talk right now," she whispered.

Jan chuckled and stroked her body, reaching almost down to her knees with her endless arms. After a few minutes, Josephine said, "I had no idea _that_ was what I was missing out on. I never thought sex was like this."

"So you'll come back?" Jan asked.

"I'm afraid I will never be able to stay away."


	2. Chapter 2

Janice Adaar's grey body was incredible. Josephine loved running her hands over her lover's back, down her sides, and around to cup her pert breasts and gently tug her nipples. She loved slipping her fingers through Jan's cropped red hair and rubbing the base of Jan's horns. She loved the moment that she realized that all she had to do was step close to Jan, and Jan's arms would come around her in a sweet embrace. It was even easier than that to tip her head back slightly and look into Jan's eyes, and that earned a soft kiss on the lips that Josephine could, she had discovered, quickly escalate.

There was nothing that Josephine loved more than this, the sweet desperate dance of their bodies together, sweat mingling, each touch leading to the next. She could not have enough of Jan's skin, could barely imagine releasing her to her duties when the sun rose. She fell into their physical affair with a reckless, gleeful abandon that felt so often like hunger that could never be satisfied. With Jan's hands on her body, she transformed into something new.

She had taken to wearing dresses that did not require corsets to facilitate the process. She would earn Jan's kiss and then untie the fastenings on her dress, letting it fall to their feet. Then she would put both of her arms around Jan's neck and press her body against Jan's, and Jan would oblige by stripping the rest of her body bare. If Josephine let her, Jan would slip inside her right away, and sometimes it was too much to hope to resist that singleminded lust. Sometimes standing, sometimes only Jan standing and Josephine's legs around Jan's hips (that position was hard to maintain, but one of Josephine's favorites), sometimes sprawled on Jan's bed. Jan would pepper her body with kisses while she thrust into Josephine with a delicious ferocity, and Josephine's heart would burn as her body achieved heights of mingled passion and satisfaction.

But sometimes Josephine would have the presence of mind to circle away from Jan once she was disrobed. She would carefully unwind the Inquisitor's sash and then put her arms around Jan's huge chest and work her sweet time up Jan's shirt, button by button. She loved that too, resting her head against Jan's back and feeling her powerful body submit to her. Those were always the best times, when they waited until Jan was as naked as Josephine was. Sometimes Josephine got the first touch then, while Jan was passive and Josephine could stroke her anywhere. Josephine would run her hands down Jan's body and slip one finger in Jan's folds, and Jan's whole body would shudder while she carefully stroked the nub just inside. When she couldn't wait any more, she would turn Jan around and press her backwards into the bed, and Josephine couldn't mistake the glint of rapt attention, a sort of curiosity, that entered Jan's eyes when she did that. Jan didn't quite understand what drove Josephine to guide her to the bed and lay her body on top of Jan's, but there was no mistaking that she loved it just as well as the inverse.

Today, Josephine did not even have to earn a kiss. Jan had been in Crestwood, and Josephine, per usual, waited as long as she could to disturb her. Jan opened the door with a bathrobe on, and they didn't make it past the landing at the bottom of the stairs. Josephine's whole body was singing with desire, and unthinking she hiked up her skirts for more contact. Jan dropped to her knees to pull down her pantaloons, and then she was inside her, and Josephine could only moan for more, grasping helplessly onto the silky shoulders of Jan's robe, putting her hand against the base of Jan's neck and pulling Jan's hair.

Then Jan did something with her hand and Josephine's belly burned as she shook and climaxed, Jan holding her up against the wall. There was an unmistakable crack, and Josephine fainted.

When she came to, she was on Jan's bed and Jan was perched beside her, brow furrowed. "Are you OK?" she asked immediately.

"Uh, yes," Josephine said, sitting up. She still had her clothes on, and it felt strange to be laying in bed. "What was that crack?" The question was almost rhetorical; Josephine knew the cracking sound from Haven. It was the sound of a demon entering from the Fade. But there were no demons around, so she asked anyway.

"I - " Jan had a pained expression. "Something you probably don't know is that my Mark - can…"

She fell inexplicably silent, and Josephine reached out and cupped her face in her hand, "Hey. You can tell me." _I love you_ , she thought to herself, but it wasn't really the moment to say.

"Where there are already weaknesses in the Veil, I can open a new Rift. I don't know, but I think - I think I opened a Rift inside you, and then closed it."

Josephine kept her face neutral. "What does that mean?"

"I have no idea."

They stripped Josephine down and inspected her body, which was normal, and then talked quietly until full dark, when they slept with Jan's huge arm draped over Josephine. She woke suddenly in the night in a startle, but fell quickly back to sleep.

Jan left at midday the next day for Val Royeaux, after a quick strategy meeting, and she was gone for two months. In that time, Josephine found out what that Fade Rift meant, but she didn't write Jan. This was a matter that wanted discussion.

Rather than demurring, when Jan returned Josephine went straight to Jan's room and waited naked for her. It took an hour, but the wait was well worth it. To see Jan's face as she took her in was worth any wait.

Josephine resisted the urge to leap out of bed, and instead waited as Jan quickly washed her hands in the basin and then came to the bottom of the bed. She touched Josephine's feet and then stroked her legs, crawling onto the bed as she worked her way up Josephine's body. She kissed her way along Josephine's torso and paused briefly at Josephine's breasts, and Josephine grabbed her face and kissed her. Her breasts had been hurting, but she didn't want to explain.

Instead she tried to communicate all her longing, her waiting, her need, in that kiss. Jan responded immediately, switching into high gear. She stroked Josephine's thigh and Josephine opened her legs involuntarily, and then she slipped inside and Josephine shuddered. She could feel how silky wet she was by how Jan's finger disappeared in her, and she begged breathlessly for more, which Jan gave her finger by finger. Finally she was full, and she pulled Jan's head against her heart and ground down into her hand, impatient. The hard metal of Jan's breastplate was cold against her belly, and she arched her back into Jan, needing the contact. Jan was too gentle, too tender for this moment. Josephine bucked into Jan's palm, and finally Jan started stroking her. The contact was so intense that she climaxed almost immediately, crying out and clinging onto Jan's shoulders.

Then Jan pulled away, kissed her solidly, and said, "What's going on?"

Of course Janice Adaar, Inquisitor, could tell when her lover was upset. Josephine had resolved to tell her immediately, but looking into Jan's sweet face now it was hard to muster the needed degree of harshness.

So she dodged a little. "I keep waking up just as the sky is lightening, sick. I go back to bed, but I am sick again by afternoon. I can barely sleep. My breasts feel like there's a hot coal in them. And I haven't bled yet."

"Was it - you haven't…"

"I haven't slept with anyone but you in years, Jan," Josephine said, and there was an unexpected twinge of anger.

"It's from the Fade," Janice finally said, groaning into her hands and burying her face in the bed. Josephine watched her dispassionately until she finally looked back up at her. "I did this to you."

"I think so," Josephine said carefully. "That is the only explanation. I plan to talk with Healer Ali today to get it fixed. Will you come?"

"Of course," Jan said, and squeezed her hand. They worked together to dress Josephine, and headed downstairs immediately.

Healer Ali was one of the more circumspect healers, and had an appropriate potion on hand. Josephine took the potion sitting, and when a few minutes had passed and she hadn't collapsed, Ali allowed them to leave. "You should bleed by nightfall. If you don't bleed by tomorrow morning, come see me."

They huddled together in Jan's quarters, barely sleeping, and certainly not accomplishing much else either. Josephine woke before dawn to vomit into the latrine bucket, and the sound of it roused Jan. When Josephine crawled back into her bed, Jan scooted close to her and engulfed her body in her arms, and when Josephine finally choked down her embarrassment she found she enjoyed the feeling of being held. Some deep part of her that had spent the past month in wild loneliness and pain was soothed by Jan's touch. This was not the first time Josephine had slept in Jan's bed, but it was the first time that she felt truly at home there.

They fell back to sleep together, chastely holding each other, and it was only after they woke up to the sunrise that Josephine realized that she had not bled. They returned to Ali, who gave Josephine a root. "Chew this until suppertime," he instructed, and Josephine did so, worrying it until her jaw hurt.

This morning, Josephine woke Jan when she slipped out of bed. The sky was lightening, and by its light Jan followed Josephine to the latrine bucket and rubbed her back as she spit bile. When she had finished, Jan brought her a mug of warm, stale water and Josephine swished it and spit it out into the bucket, and then drank the rest of the water, handing the mug back to Jan. Jan filled it again, and Josephine refused it, instead cracking open one of the doors and walking with her bare feet onto the balcony. The season was starting to change, but they had not seen first snow yet. The surrounding peaks were always tipped in a white blanket that glistened with the touch of the sun.

It was cold, but Josephine was covered in a clammy sweat and the air felt refreshing. She leaned against the railing and peered down at the stables far below. The staff was already stirring into motion, and she could hear voices drifting up through the still morning air.

Jan came up beside her and leaned against the railing, but she had eyes only for Josephine. Finally Josephine turned to her, and Jan said, "This is a terrible thing that has happened, Josephine. I had no idea. How long have you been like this, waking in the morning?"

"Just a few weeks." Her mouth twisted. "I wish I had just done something on my own, instead of waiting, but…"

"I wish I had come home sooner, Josephine," Jan said, and there was a note of pain that Josephine had not expected.

"It is a demon," Josephine observed, and the word held in the air between them, finally spoken. Josephine had not been surprised that Ali's potion and root had not worked. It was a demon, after all. It should not be so easy.

"A… spirit," Jan ventured. "Certainly a spirit."

"A spirit from the Fade," Josephine said, and the thought was sickening. She clenched her jaw, which was still sore from the chewing yesterday. She wished for not the first time that it was a baby, a true, human baby, but that was impossible. Even if it were a real baby, she would have no reason to keep an illegitimate child. It would be an inconvenience and potential liability.

Still, the turmoil in her continued. She had waited for Jan, even after she knew what was happening, to tell her that she was pregnant. Why? On the impossible hope that Jan would have an explanation, and that she would dissuade Josephine from this course. That she could keep the baby.

"Which is a demon," Josephine finished, to convince herself of it. She was probably in terrible danger. She had to protect her body.

Jan offered no further argument, and they dressed and went to breakfast together. Josephine had fought off a bout of dizziness while they dressed, but she almost fell down the stairs on the way to breakfast. So rather than returning to Ali, they went to Solas and explained everything.

"And did it feel like opening a Rift?"

"I can't really remember. But I know I closed it."

Solas nodded slowly and then circled Josephine, who tried to retain her dignity under the scrutiny. Her nerves were already frayed, and the bald elf's clinical gaze was disturbing. She had only spoken with him a few times, not because she disapproved of his presence, but because neither had any use for the other before this moment.

"Anything could have slipped through. The demons we battle from the Fade Rifts are likely a smaller piece of the overall effect, which is far more subtle. Countless spirits might come through, and only a number of them will turn aggressive due to the influence of our world. Could a spirit have passed through a brief Rift and physically changed the makeup of your body, Josephine? Absolutely. Could it be inhabiting a seed in your womb? Possibly."

"We got asharon and rootcleaves from Ali, but neither had any effect," Jan said.

Solas frowned at that, but it wasn't clear if it was disapproval or befuddlement. "You wish to expel it?" he asked, which made Josephine's heart leap into her throat.

She responded directly. "I do not wish to be the vessel of a spirit from the Fade."

Solas nodded, seeming satisfied by the response. "Very well. Unfortunately this is not my area of expertise, but I can say that I would not expect a difference in the reaction of the fetus from the reaction of any normal fetus to Ali's drugs. Ask him for one more, and if that does not work we shall need to speak with Vivienne."

"Thank you, Solas," Jan said sincerely, and they climbed the endless staircase to Jan's quarters again.

"It's so embarrassing," Josephine said when they had settled on the couch, and tears sprung unexpectedly in her eyes. She decided that she couldn't hide them, and Jan reacted instantly, moving over to take Josephine in a loose embrace. "How many people will need to know about this?" Josephine finally said, imagining Vivienne, her cold gaze shocked and disapproving.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Jan said, craning her neck to look at Josephine, her brow crinkled.

"It doesn't feel like that. And Vivienne… she will need to know - what we're doing."

Jan raised her eyebrows. "Sleeping together?"

Josephine shrugged. "Not taking the proper… precautions?" she suggested, and then giggled. Jan laughed too, and some of the tension eased. Jan moved away from Josephine, staring with furrowed brows at her left hand. The green crackling energy was there, still, but seemed somehow subdued in the light of the day.

"This hand. If not for it, the Rift at Haven would probably still be there. But I can't help but call it a curse," Jan said finally. "I hate it, what it does to people when they see it, what it's done… to you."

"I'm sure the next drug Ali has for me will do the trick," Josephine said.

"I'm sure," Jan agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

But Ali wouldn't let Josephine take anything that day, even before they admitted that Josephine had been dizzy that morning. "You need to recover," he said condescendingly. "The earliest I will give you another poison is tomorrow."

Jan read top-level correspondence in Josephine's office while Josephine drafted the same letter five times, before giving up and taking notes instead. It seemed that after the Inquisition had rebuffed Sebastian of Starkhaven's request for aid, the ragtag collection of Kirkwall's remaining guard had managed to repel the invaders. Hawke would be glad to hear it, although she was off the Inquisition's radar for the moment.

The city was in complete turmoil, according to Josephine's sources. Not a single noble had set foot in the city since the destruction of the Chantry, and in the absence of any suitable candidates for viscount, it seemed that the Guard-Captain was still the highest-ranking official in the city. The Guard-Captain herself had sent a roughly-worded request for a formal meeting with Jan, without giving any indication of her specific intentions.

"Are you sure that you have time to meet with the Guard-Captain of Kirkwall?" Josephine asked without raising her eyes from the page. It seemed like such a minor detail; Kirkwall was a shadow of its former self, and she couldn't see what benefit the Inquisition might gain from the trip.

"Of course," Jan answered warmly, and the tone made Josephine look up. Their eyes met in a jolt, and Josephine quickly dropped her eyes, clearing her throat and choking down a swell of turbulent emotion. She had imagined for a split second what Jan would look like with a baby in her arms, and shook away the thought before it consumed her, instead turning back to the problem of Kirkwall.

"It's such a distance away, and we do not know what she will want from you. What if she is about to declare herself viscount, and she wants you there to lend authority to her claim? You don't think that we should diffuse the matter remotely?"

"Honestly, she _should_ be declaring herself viscount. Somebody needs to really take command of that city, and it sure won't be Hawke." _Of course it won't be Hawke,_ Josephine thought, but kept the thought to herself. Jan was learning, slowly, how these high-level politics worked, and she should be encouraged toward it and not be scoffed at.

"What if she wants the Inquisition to take over the administration of Kirkwall?" Josephine proposed, which met with a blank stare from Jan.

"Why would she want that?"

"Well, let's say she isn't actually interested in the viscount position," Josephine started. "I'm assuming she isn't viscount because her power is undermined by something, but maybe it's by choice. She obviously isn't interested in rule by a foreign power, either. The Inquisition is known as a force that restores order but does not grasp the reins, as it were - perhaps she sees us as a middle road toward rebuilding, without the danger of foreign occupation."

Jan shrugged. "What would you do, Josephine?"

"I know what I would do, but what would you do, Jan?" Josephine asked. It was a little game, but Josephine felt justified in it. Jan frequently needed to make decisions without consulting her advisors, and often bumbled her way through them on pure instinct. It would not hurt to encourage her political side.

"Let's see," Jan said, and took a blank paper from Josephine's stack. "So, here is Kirkwall," she said, and Josephine giggled. She had drawn a large circle in the center of the page, in a mimicry of Josephine's strategy diagrams. She hadn't realized that Jan noticed them; certainly she never showed them to Jan, but apparently Jan had seen them anyway.

Jan gave her a bright, sidelong look and continued, her tone light. A smile tugged at Jan's face, but she didn't indulge it. "This is the Guard-Captain," Jan continued, drawing a smaller circle inside the bigger circle. This was not how strategy diagrams worked, but it didn't really matter.

"Here's the unknown thing that is undermining her power," Jan said, and drew a squiggle under the small circle. "Let's say it might be significant, or it might not be. Here's Sebastian Vael," and she drew a big X through that circle. Josephine opened her mouth to correct that, but closed it again. Jan noticed anyway and scratched out that circle, replacing it with another circle with a big X between it and the Kirkwall circle.

"OK, so Sebastian is there. And then we have Orlais," she drew a big circle on the left side of the page that touched Kirkwall. "And Nevarra," she continued, and drew a big circle on the top left side of the page. "And Ferelden," she finished, and drew a big circle below Kirkwall. She considered the diagram for a few more moments, and then said, "And Ostwick, right?" She put a smaller circle on the right side of the page.

Jan considered the diagram, and then said, "So what would everyone think if the Captain declared herself viscount?" She bit her bottom lip and wrote, _Doesn't care_ inside the Ferelden circle. Then she wrote, _Doesn't care_ in Nevarra and Orlais, too, and then she sighed, defeated.

"No, this is good," Josephine said. "Here's some more information. Kirkwall has traditionally been the nexus of all trade coming from the inland Free Marches cities to Ferelden. Since the city's collapse, some of this trade has moved over to Ostwick, but much of it has been disrupted. This is part of the reason Starkhaven tried to take over the city; the loss of its ports has been a blow to Starkhaven's ability to ship to Ferelden, and has even impacted its trade with Val Chevin and Val Royeaux, which are hard to reach by land but reasonably close by ship."

"But how would that affect whether the Guard-Captain would be a good viscount?"

"Well," Josephine said, and picked up the letter they had received from her, standing and partially circling her desk toward Jan. The letter was three lines long, and contained four grammatical errors and more spelling errors than she could count. "Captain Vallen is… undoubtedly capable, as she was able to repel Sebastian's forces. But…"

"Maybe she lacks the touch of a true leader," Jan suggested. "Doesn't Varric know her? Maybe we should ask him about it."

"Does he?" Josephine said, surprised. "Yes, that's an excellent idea. But in the meantime, the exercise."

Jan grumbled and bent to the paper, crossing out _Doesn't care_ on Ferelden and writing _Doesn't get goods from the Free Marches_ instead. Then she wrote _Can't ship to Ferelden_ next to the Sebastian circle, and then she said, "But maybe if Vallen declares herself viscount, Kirkwall will recover faster. It will be more stable, right?"

"Kirkwall needs funds to rebuild," Josephine said. "I suspect that -"

"Vallen might not be able to woo investors?" Jan supplied, and then nodded, worrying her lip. "OK, so let's go back to rebuilding Kirkwall for a moment. Why is it so hard? What is wrong there?"

"Well, as you know, half of the city was in flames after the explosion of the Chantry. The city was the first battleground of the war between the mages and the templars; for a few months, it seemed as if the templars would take the city, but mages had begun streaming to the city and gradually overwhelmed the templars, who abandoned the city as too costly to keep. With the enemy abolished, the mages spent a few months in the city and then disappeared. We know that they established in Ferelden shortly thereafter.

"The docks were destroyed in the chaos. Many of the ships that were docked there during the explosion burned, and the captains with intact ships left the city immediately. In the past nine yearsafter the Chantry exploded, there has been a small effort to rebuild the docks by private investors, but none have paid off. In order for the ports to pay well, captains need to dock there, and in order for captains to dock there, there must be goods for them to ship. There are no goods because the merchants in Starkhaven, Tantervale, Hasmal, Ansburg… they know there are no ships there. It's a difficult cycle to break."

"I see," Jan said carefully. "So the city needs to attract investors; they won't come by themselves."

"Yes. And broker agreements with the merchants of the Free Marches; for example, Kirkwall could provide some form of insurance that if the merchants make the two-month journey there, that their goods will be purchased. If the goods aren't purchased by a captain, Kirkwall could partially reimburse the costs, or even buy the shipment. As it stands, it's just too big a risk."

Jan blew out her breath in a puff. "So you suspect that Vallen will not do this well."

"I suspect that she is not fully aware of the underlying problems that have left Kirkwall in this state, yes," Josephine said. "And if you are seen as supporting her claim, it will antagonize Starkhaven further. Remember, Starkhaven is one of the key players here; a successful viscount should be in a position to offer, if not friendship, at least a relationship of mutual benefit to Starkhaven. We plotted our course thus far with sensitivity toward Starkhaven; it would not do to undermine that neutrality."

"Right," Jan said, and then she looked at Josephine with a glimmer in her eye. "You are so sexy when you talk like that," she said, and reached out to cover Josephine's hand with hers. Josephine's stomach flipped over giddily, and she unconsciously turned a little towards Jan, who closed the distance between them. "I can't count the number of times I've wanted to walk around this desk and do this," Jan said, and she touched Josephine's chin and leaned down to kiss her.

Josephine melted into her touch, putting her hands against Jan's stomach and returning the kiss with a building, burning need. All of the pain of the past month burned off her and left them, alone, just the two of them together. It was a welcome relief.

When Jan pulled away, the world was a little brighter. Jan ran her fingers up along Josephine's jaw and said, "I can't believe my luck."

" _I_ can't believe my luck," Josephine returned, breath catching.

"We are going to figure this out, Josephine," Jan said, and the honeyed tone made it more believable.

"Let's leave it behind," Josephine replied, and threaded her hands through Jan's hair, pressing her body against Jan's. Jan ran her hands down Josephine's sides and kissed her again, and Josephine felt a familiar heat rise in her body. If her kiss could erase the pain, what would her fingers do?

When the kiss broke, Josephine took Jan's hand and they went through the main hall to the noble quarters, where most of Jan's companions also slept. Josephine's quarters were toward the end of the hall on the second level, and Jan followed her wordlessly there. Josephine unlocked the door with a hint of nervousness; only the maids had ever been in her room at Skyhold, and it was certainly not as grandiose the Inquisitor's room. The window was clear glass, six panes, and the furniture felt crowded, with the desk against a far wall and the bedside table practically against the closest wall.

"So this is where the Ambassador sleeps," Jan said, and Josephine quickly closed the door behind her. "Now I can find you when you're dodging my company."

Josephine shook her head and admonished, "On invitation only." She put her hand on Jan's chest and said, "Kiss me again."

Jan kissed her and slowly stripped her down, caressing every part of her skin as it was revealed. Josephine clung to her, content to be made love to. As always, Jan's touch was irredeemably sensual, and Josephine's passion flared with every touch, until she was on her back and pleading.

But the touch of Jan's fingers deep inside her was not soothing. Her touch instead reopened the wound that Josephine had thought healed, and Josephine was torn between the ecstasy of her body and the grating discontent of her spirit. Her hips twitched against Jan's hand and she clutched Jan's head against her chest, heaving with the two warring feelings. Jan pulled away from her clutching hands, looking at her face.

"You're crying," she said, and removed her fingers.

"Don't stop," Josephine complained, but now that Jan mentioned it, she _was_ crying. The tears streaked her cheeks in hot streams, and she choked back a sob.

Jan scooted up in the bed and put her arm behind Josephine's head, and Josephine buried her face against Jan's chest, letting the well of misery play itself out. Jan murmured comforting words and stroked her hair.

"There must be a healer in Val Royeaux that will know what to do," Jan said when Josephine had stopped crying, and only when she had said that, Josephine realized that was just what she didn't want to happen. She bit her lip and nodded to Jan, content to pretend.


	4. Chapter 4

The third potion didn't work, either, but it made Josephine violently ill for a full day. When the sickness passed, they visited Vivienne.

Vivienne was just as coldly disapproving as Josephine expected, and seemed to relish the opportunity to pass them off to a healer - as Jan suspected - in Val Royeaux. From Val Royeaux, it would be a short one-week ship voyage to Kirkwall, and from there a two day voyage to Ferelden and a two week horse ride back to Skyhold. They left the next day on horseback for the first leg of the journey, accompanied by Ali, Solas, Vivienne (who insisted that she had an errand in Val Royeaux), Cassandra (who they trusted to be circumspect), and Varric (who they did not trust at all).

Varric had absolutely insisted on visiting the city of his birth, and Jan could not refuse that, although Josephine had a strong feeling that Varric would ruin their chances of a successful negotiation with the Guard-Captain. He had said that he corresponded with her on occasion, but that she had not mentioned any meeting with Jan and had no real idea of her plans for the city. Josephine sincerely doubted that, but Jan trusted him, so he came despite Josephine's misgivings.

Josephine shared Jan's tent for the journey; they had abandoned all pretense for the moment, and regardless it was perfectly acceptable for them to be known as lovers. Somehow that battle seemed to have been lost before it had begun, anyway, as Josephine had been sleeping in Jan's bed since they had started their physical affair six months previous.

Josephine was torn between a sense that it was too early for them to abandon pretense, and a secret pride in having won the Inquisitor over. Jan was an incredibly important person in Thedas right now; with her instantly recognizable heritage and the banners of the Inquisition, stares followed her wherever she went. Riding next to her already felt like an elevation in rank, and Josephine could clearly see the effect of this stature on Jan's escort, the men's chests swelling with pride every time they rode through a village on the way to Val Royeaux.

Josephine knew that Jan had an incredible effect on the morale of her troops, but to see the effect in person was an entirely different matter. Jan had a gift for making each of the men feel essential – Josephine could see that she made an effort to reach out to each of them, which was unexpected. She was slowly beginning to realize that Jan was carefully straddling the divisions between nobility, military command, and front-line combatant, and that her nature transformed seamlessly as the demands of her position shifted. She was a decisive policy-maker, but managed to make each interaction with those under her command feel personal and warm.

Josephine wondered whether she was falling in love with Jan in a different way now. She had begun by admiring Jan as the Inquisitor, and then become enamored of her because of her sweetness in conversation. She loved Jan for her body, all sleek curves and soft lines, and she slept with Jan because she was powerful enough to transcend the strict lines between nobility and commoners. Watching her now, though, was like seeing all of these details finally come together into a real person, and it seemed strange that the person Josephine now saw was yet different from all of the split images. Different, and better.

In the privacy of their tent, huddled against the cold under blankets and lit by the flickering glow of a gas lantern, Jan kissed her often. Although her body melted under her affections, Josephine never touched Jan's skin or moaned into her kiss, and Jan kept her hands to herself. Jan was probably waiting for Josephine to give an indication that sex would not make her cry again, but Josephine did not feel confident in the answer to that unspoken question. So they slept chastely, their limbs entangled and their bodies intimate in an entirely new way.

One night, though, Josephine woke with a raw ache in her center. She was sleeping on her side, with her back against Jan's stomach, and Jan's arm around her in the loose embrace of slumber. Her arm was heavy, even with it mostly propped up on the cot, and the weight of it made Josephine feel sheltered.

She let her hips roll forward, and the slight friction between her legs fed the ache. She started a rhythm, grinding her hips into Jan's lap, imagining that Jan was gripping her close. Her ears started ringing with the exertion of the short, frantic thrusts, and then she felt Jan's arm actually move and she froze, caught.

Jan moved her hand to Josephine's hip and started her own soft, thrusting rhythm with her hips. Josephine gasped and ground back into Jan, and then Jan slipped her hand down Josephine's leg and brought her nightdress up with her hand, stroking her skin and settling on Josephine's lower stomach.

Josephine threw back her head and opened her legs, reaching back toward Jan's head with one hand. This was Jan's left hand, and the Mark burned against Josephine's clit as she accepted Josephine's invitation and softly stroked her.

Josephine closed her legs around Jan's hand and kept thrusting, an animal sound bursting from her throat as Jan let one finger slide along Josephine's slit, contacting her clit and teasing around her entrance. "Yes," Jan hissed into her ear, and Josephine remembered that she had not touched Jan since she returned, nearly three weeks ago now. Jan was trembling, her face buried in Josephine's neck. "Oh, Josephine," Jan murmured, and then Josephine opened her legs slightly and let Jan's finger slip inside her, just an inch.

Jan's body was tense against Josephine's back, but she let Josephine take the lead. Josephine closed her legs again, letting Jan's finger tease into her a few more times. It was not the same as being penetrated; it was smoother, and just exactly what Josephine's body had awoken her to do. The climax stole over Josephine slowly, and she let her body dictate its rhythm, jerking and twitching her hips until the sweet feeling had completely replaced the ache.

Then she turned around and pushed Jan onto her back, touching every inch of that body she so loved and had entirely neglected. Jan was passive under her touch, but her chest was heaving with the power of Josephine's lust, and Josephine did not make her wait long. She lay her body across Jan's left side and put her hand palm-up on her own thigh, contacting Jan's soaked center with it. Jan moaned and arched her back into Josephine's hand, and Josephine wondered how she could have forgotten how incredible it was to touch her lover.

She teased Jan's entrance and ground her palm hard against Jan's swollen clit. Jan put her knees up and rotated her hips, and Josephine's hand slipped into her, three fingers stretching Jan's soaked opening. Being inside Jan had never felt better. Josephine rubbed herself on Jan's leg and used her thigh to power a few deep thrusts into Jan's open body, and Jan let her hands fall in fists to the cot.

"Oh, Josephine, keep - your body, it's -" Jan choked out, and then grabbed Josephine's hips and pressed her down harder on Jan's thigh. Her wetness had left a spot on Jan's leg, and Jan thrust her hips so that Josephine ground harder on her thigh. As Jan thrust against Josephine's core, Josephine followed her rhythm with her curled fingers, grinding her palm hard against Jan's body.

After a minute of this, Jan released Josephine's hips and pulled Josephine against her chest, taking Josephine's hand out of her. "What's wrong?" Josephine asked.

"I think I'm done," Jan said softly, stroking her hair. Indeed, the interface between their bodies was not thick with tension any more.

"What happened?" Josephine asked, propping herself up and looking at Jan seriously.

Jan shrugged and touched Josephine's face with the back of her hand. "You satisfied me, love," she said.

"But you didn't come," Josephine complained.

"I feel incredible. Maybe I did come. I don't know," Jan said, and stroked Josephine's face again. "Why are you so bothered?"

"I suppose it's OK," Josephine decided out loud. "I just - wanted to do a good job, I suppose."

"Josephine," Jan said. "Your touch is the - I have never in my life felt this pleasure. I never thought that I would find someone who wanted me so; I can feel your need, through your hands. And when I touch you, your body opens up. How could this," and Jan intertwined their wet fingers, Jan's left hand with Josephine's right, "ever disappoint?"

Josephine nodded and lay down on Jan's chest. The speech had inexplicably brought tears to her eyes, and she let them dry by themselves. Jan had fallen asleep by the time Josephine was ready to prop herself up and resume the conversation, and Josephine contented herself with listening to the beat of Jan's heart, a steady staccato set to the slower cadence of her breath.

The next night, Josephine kissed Jan's body and ground her own core against Jan's mound, tweaking her nipples and riding her hips until Jan tried to put her fingers between them. Josephine pulled away and wrenched Jan's legs apart, licking and sucking her clit until she forced an orgasm out of her body. Then she put two fingers inside Jan and fucked her, leaving her third finger out to rub against Jan's clit with every slow, deep thrust. Jan didn't touch Josephine, but she arched her back into Josephine's hanging breasts and writhed silently under her touch, and Josephine closed her own legs, thrusting her hips into Jan. She fell so deep into the motion of fucking that the orgasm stole over her unexpectedly, and when she had finished she collapsed against Jan's sweaty chest, exhausted.

"Did you just come?" Jan asked, and Josephine nodded. When she didn't respond, Jan asked, "How?" Josephine just shook her head, unable to explain precisely what had happened and so deeply satisfied by what she had done that speaking seemed too difficult. It was a relief to know that this kind of sex could sate her desire without contacting the howling raw core of pain that she carried with her now.

* * *

The healer was seated in a grand private clinic just outside of the city center, and for a very heavy fee he inspected Josephine and gave her a series of three potions to take, two on the first day and the third on the second day. He advised that she stay abed for the full period, and like Solas, he suspected that the origin of the seed would have no impact on the "efficacy of the remedy."

Jan could clearly see Josephine's eyes flash at the man's disdainful attitude, but when they returned to the inn she took the potions as prescribed. The potions made Josephine vomit every hour, turning her eyes bloodshot and weakening her already too-frail body. She bled from her nose and blood also started appearing in her vomit, and when on the second day Jan find blood also trickling from her ear she went to the healer and demanded an explanation.

"You are lovers, are you not?"

Jan nodded impatiently. They had explained everything when they first arrived, so this man - if he remembered - should have already known that.

"What she failed to mention to you is that she is, in fact, entering her fifth month of term, according to my estimation."

"I saw her bleed three months ago," Jan protested weakly, but the pronouncement had spurred a blossom of dread in her gut. "Why do you think that?"

"It is easy to see that the belly is distended. If you had a village healer inspect her, he would have seen as much and saved you the trouble. It takes a true poison to force a miscarriage at this stage. If you saw her bleed, Inquisitor, it was a ruse. I did not want to embarrass her by revealing this to you in her face, but I am sure that she knows the truth."

"It is the demon," Jan said quietly. "If you can't see that, you are useless to us."

His face softened. "I am not an expert on demons, but I have seen a woman birth a demon's spawn. This is no fate you want for your woman, so the cure is the same as for any unwanted child."

"This poison is not working."

"Give it a few days. If still doesn't work, bring her back to me and we will wrench it out of her."

When Jan came back, Josephine was sleeping. Jan spooned her and put her hand carefully on Josephine's belly, lightheaded with fear. Now that she knew to look, the change in Josephine's body was obvious. It had only been eleven weeks, but it felt like a lifetime. For not the first time, Jan felt a certainty that this baby would not be expelled. Was it a baby, or, as Josephine had insisted, a demon from the Fade? _It doesn't matter what it is,_ Jan reminded herself for the hundredth time. _Josephine has said that she does not want it, and that's what matters._

She cursed the Mark, hating her own lack of control. She turned the moment over in her mind: her fingers deep in Josephine, the Mark burning as it did now, Josephine weak with ecstasy, and then the opening. Had she done it, or was it a fluke? She wanted Josephine so badly. She wanted to fill her and take her completely. Had the Mark reacted to Jan's drive? To her possessiveness, the love that she had hidden for so long?

There was no way to know, and it didn't matter, anyway. Josephine did not blame her for the suffering she may have inadvertently brought upon her, and Jan's own guilt would not solve anything.

The ordeal had been so miserable that Jan almost wished that the first potion had just worked. But holding Josephine's precious, soft body in her arms and touching the slight swell of a new life, Jan was inexplicably glad of this baby's tenacity. Maybe this was what was supposed to happen. It felt right.

Suddenly, Jan realized that she was not alone with Josephine and the nameless baby. She raised her head from the pillow and saw, to her surprise, that Cole was perched on a seat there, in the darkest corner.

"She hurts," he observed quietly. "She is so small and weak like a broken sparrow in your arms."

Jan pulled the blankets up to cover Josephine's semi-nude body. "Why are you here, Cole?"

"I knew that you wanted to be alone and I couldn't help it, but it is so shiny and full of love and you can't see anything but your own pain."

"You couldn't help but to follow us?"

"It tried to become what you would have wanted, but you will tear it apart."

"It's hurting Josephine," Jan said, mystified at Cole's words but feeling a well of tears in her throat.

"Josephine is hurting Josephine," Cole said. "What if what you think isn't really what is?" Jan could tell that he was trying, more than he had ever tried before. "It loves Josephine."

"How?" Jan choked out, but after that last effort Cole had disengaged. He drifted over to the open window and disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

Josephine stirred in her arms an hour later. Jan rubbed her arm, but Josephine shrugged the hand off and slipped out of bed, crouching and retching at the pot. Jan jumped over and held her hair back for her, and when she was done she picked her up in her arms and laid her carefully out on the bed. This was a familiar ritual, borne out on countless days on the road already, made all the more dire by the recent revelation.

"Drink some water," Jan urged, but Josephine shook her head and curled back into a ball, her linen nightdress soaked through in sweat and drops of blood. Jan felt Josephine's suffering more acutely than if it was her own body.

Jan left her alone until her shaking subsided, and then took her hand from behind her and put it on her belly, in the same place Jan had felt it.

Josephine nodded, and turned in her arms to look at her face. "I felt it last week."

Jan's heart sank. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"We're getting rid of it, so why would I?"

"It's far too early," Jan said carefully. "Jeffery said you look like you are in your fifth month."

Josephine closed her eyes, resigned. "This is a nightmare," she said.

Their hands were clutched between them on Josephine's belly. "What if it isn't? What if this - baby - what if it is a gift?"

Josephine's eyes flew open. "What…"

"Cole followed us here," Jan said, deciding that she had to be direct. "He said… a lot, I can't remember most of it. But he said it, um, took the form that we wanted? And that it loved you, Josephine."

Josephine turned her body down into the pillow and gave a long, wordless, muffled yell. Jan winced, the sound rasping against the swell of hope Cole had given her. Josephine came up gasping, and turned her face away from Jan. Jan hesitantly reached out and rubbed her back, but Josephine said, "Stop," so she did.

Finally she turned back to Jan and said, "What do you think a demon is?"

"Solas says demons are… immortal Fade spirits corrupted by mortal… emotions? Thoughts? I don't know."

"And you believe him?"

"Well, I have seen a lot of demons, and rarely do I see a spirit that is not one. But - take Cole. He's a spirit of compassion, right? He is not a demon."

"He isn't?" Josephine asked sharply. "Let's say he isn't. What if tomorrow he's corrupted by whatever, a murderous thought from a random passerby, and becomes a demon? How is that different from already being a demon?"

Jan shrugged. "I suppose I trust him because he has never done anything that he thought would hurt one of us. How can we judge someone on what they might become, when that possible future is dependent on them, and not us? If we rejected Cole, we would only be making his hypothetical transformation more likely to happen. All we can do for people is give them their own choices, good or bad."

"That is a jumbled argument," Josephine retorted, and turned her head into the pillow, wincing.

"Are you OK?" Jan asked, heart in her throat.

"I am having bad cramps," she said.

"So it's working," Jan said, hope and despair warring together in her chest.

"Better be fucking working," Josephine said bitterly.

Jan and Josephine went through three more vomiting episodes before the vomiting and the cramping subsided. The next morning, it was clear that it had not, in fact, worked.

"We have to go back," Josephine said at mid-morning, exhaustion evident in every inch of her body. "What is he going to do?"

"I think that they have a way to, um, cut it out. From the inside," Jan clarified.

"Good."

"Josephine," Jan said carefully.

"What?" Josephine snapped. "I don't want to hear anything more about what Cole said."

"We haven't given Solas a chance yet. What if we can, I don't know… enter the Fade with him and meet this spirit?"

"What would that do?"

"We could see if it's a demon. Know what we are doing."

"You've changed your mind. Yesterday you said it's growing too fast -" her breath caught. "I am afraid of it, and I don't want it. What will my family think? What an embarrassment to the Inquisition."

"Women have carried in prominent positions, unmarried, with pride."

"I won't," Josephine said.

"Women have also hidden their pregnancy and given the child to a servant to raise. We could do that."

"What is the point? I want it gone."

"Please, Josephine? This is your baby." It was an unfair move, but Jan was determined now. If this baby was strong enough to stay put for this long, it deserved the chance to speak for itself.

Josephine balled up her fists and started weakly pounding on Jan's chest. The effect would have been comical if Josephine had not been suppressing great, wracking sobs. Finally she stopped hitting her, and Jan held her tight to her chest until the sobs subsided as well. An awful guilt was poking through Jan's determination, but she held steady. It _was_ Josephine's baby. She longed for this baby now, this sweet young life that she could feel growing inside her lover. If it had taken the form that they wanted, as Cole said, it would be a human child - Josephine's child. There was suddenly nothing that Jan wanted more than to hold Josephine's baby and watch it grow into a person.

"I hate you," Josephine finally said. "You did this and it's so horrible."

Jan recoiled at the words. Was it worth losing Josephine over this? Did Josephine blame her after all? Josephine's slight body curled up against hers had never been so precious, but Jan released Josephine's shoulders as if to let her go. _Do not hold her too tightly. Let her decide how close is close enough. Let her come to you._ The mantra had never held such meaning.

Josephine kept her body close, her unsteady breath stirring the fine hairs on Jan's neck. Jan realized she was holding her own breath, and released it. There was a lump in her throat, and she tried to swallow. _Josephine_.

"I hate you, Jan," Josephine whispered, and then she put her arm around Jan's back and clung to her. Jan let her own arm tighten around Josephine and she kissed the crown of her head. _I love you_ , she repeated over and over, until she had worn the phrase out, and then she wondered if she should tell her now. Maybe it wasn't too early any more. She was in the midst of trying to convince Josephine to keep her baby, after all. She should not be so afraid to do this smaller thing, confess her feelings.

But if the words were welcome, it might put more pressure on Josephine's decision about the baby. If they were unwelcome, it would destroy Jan's argument.

No, Jan's own feelings should not be summed up and reported in those three words. Jan's involvement with this baby was important, though. She could frame her feelings in a way that was far more relevant to Josephine's decision. "It's much earlier than I would have wanted, but, Josephine - I would - if you wanted, I would like to raise a child with you. Will you please consider it? Can we wait one more day?"

Josephine was quiet for so long that Jan thought she might have gone to sleep. Jan tried not to think about the implications of Josephine's silence. She was considering this. She was trying to decide if she wanted Jan to help her raise her baby. Finally she said, "Today, then. Let me get ready."

It wasn't really a victory, not with Josephine so solemn and strange. But it was something - a door, perhaps, that had just been unlocked.

It was an hour and a half later when they went to meet Solas in a hotel a few blocks away. He opened the door as if he had been expecting them, made some tea, and explained how it would work.

"We take a very small amount of lyrium with this tea - a hallucinogen in any other case. This is the easiest way to venture into the Fade. We shall hopefully all stay together, and close by Josephine. If not, try not to move too much. I will find you and bring you to the baby."

Jan kept her eyes on Josephine as she choked down the lyrium and hallucinogenic tea, and then she was on a very fluffy hill, alone. She could see a black city looming on the horizon. She jumped experimentally, and shot bodily away from the ground. Her head was surrounded by clouds, and then, suddenly, she was above the clouds, and there they were. Josephine was on a large metallic throne, and their child was sitting on her lap, a small toddler. Josephine was saying something to the child, and then looked up suddenly to meet Jan's eyes.

Jan swam across the top of the clouds and pulled herself up onto the throne, which expanded to fit all three of them.

"Mom," the child said, standing up on the throne between Jan and Josephine. She clapped Jan's face between her tiny gray hands, and then reached up to touch Jan's horns. She took Jan's hand and put it on her head. Between curly brown locks, miniature horns sprouted, still short in their infancy.

The child lurched away and fell back onto Josephine's lap. Josephine scooped her up and kissed her on the crown of her head, clutching her tightly. The child squirmed a little, but seemed content. Jan scooted to her and put her arms around both of them, and Josephine kissed her lips, the kiss briny with their mingled tears.

"What are you?" Jan asked the child, who had fallen back to rest her head on Josephine's arm.

"Let me go," she yelped back, and squirmed out of Josephine's grip. She jumped onto the clouds, which she toddled on without difficulty.

Then she turned around, and she was taller, teenaged, lanky-limbed and already as tall as Jan, but her eyes were a soft doe brown and her hair was long, bouncy brown and thick. Horns the same shape as Jan's sprouted proudly from her head. Jan blinked and she was an adult, her body fuller, her stance confident and strong.

"Ready to learn. I want to live in your world and make it better because of my presence. I can help you."

"Curiosity," a male voice said, and Jan saw that Solas had finally found them. "An emotion that is hard to corrupt. It is the spirit that inhabits your fetus, and so does not have any true mortal mind or spirit to contend with. Since it has bonded with that body, it will be both trapped and protected by only the experiences that it has in that body, and wracked with the same feelings that we are forced by our bodies to endure."

"I came out of the Fade to learn and grow," the spirit said with a steady confidence and ineffable grace. "You were an opening to the mortal world, and you were so happy. Bad things are happening to us, and you are filled with fear, but we are a team now."

Josephine stood up and took a few hesitant steps on the clouds, which seemed wispier where she stood. The spirit met her in the middle and embraced her. After a long moment, Josephine stepped away and said, "We are happy, Curiosity. And we can't wait for you to join us. You picked a good way to enter our world. Thank you."

A smile of relief washed across the spirit's face, and then Jan realized that her feet were on the ground and her head was resting on a wooden table. She sat up abruptly, and saw Josephine's eyes open sleepily, upright on an adjacent chair. Solas had also managed to stay upright, and he opened his eyes last and gave a small, mysterious smile.

"Thank you for allowing me to show you," Solas said.

"Thank you," Josephine said, and Jan could see that her eyes were full of tears again. She stood up, and Solas turned toward the door, giving her a chance to compose herself. Jan stayed still, watching Josephine cautiously.

"Just one question," Josephine said finally, meeting Solas at the door. "Why would it look like Jan?"

Solas shrugged. "This is like nothing I have ever seen before, so I can't really help. Whether the child is actually related to Jan, or simply looks like Jan…" He gave a short shrug. "The spirit might be able to tell you when it is old enough, but I suspect that the distinction is irrelevant to it."

"I suppose," Josephine conceded, shaking her head as if she didn't agree.

"One thing that I can say for certain is that it is made of your flesh, Josephine," Solas said. "It may have used Jan as a blueprint, but it chose that form to make _you_ happy, Josephine, and it is entirely your daughter."

They left and ordered a feast to their room, which Josephine picked through and Jan ignored. Jan bit back all of her commentary, and wrapped Josephine in her body the way that she had for so many days on the road. Her ears were still ringing with Solas' offhanded comment - that the baby might actually be Jan's as well as Josephine's. The life that Josephine carried was more than just an accident, or the fruit of an unknown man's seed. The spirit had called her its parent, too. It was unbelievable, and extraordinary.

But Jan would not force Josephine into a decision, so she held her tongue and waited for Josephine to speak. Josephine's body felt fragile and strange in her arms, and Jan could feel her thoughts churning.

Josephine finally turned into Jan and ordered her to touch her, and Jan stroked her, watching Josephine closely for any warning signs of tears or pain. Josephine had been an aggressive lover on their trip, but had swatted away almost all of Jan's attempts to touch her back. Jan had stopped trying, knowing that Josephine would tell her if her touch was welcome. _Let her come to you._

Josephine's body responded to her touch now, though, and her eyes were dark with an unknown emotion, her mouth open slightly in anticipation. Jan touched Josephine everywhere but her core, softly caressing Josephine's tender breasts and kissing her nipples. Josephine's body was crackling with energy, with an awful desperation, and Jan's fingers skipped over her skin and only fed the storm. Josephine finally pushed Jan down and took her left hand, placing it palm-up on her thigh, and pushed her body into it. She kept her eyes locked on Jan's, dark and strange. She was heart-stoppingly beautiful.

Jan hadn't touched Josephine since the night Josephine had woken her, and the sensation of her deep wetness against Jan's fingers made Jan giddy. She moved her hand to stroke Josephine's outside, and Josephine ground into her hand insistently, trying to force Jan's fingers into her.

"Fuck me," Josephine finally ground out, and Jan put her leg down and sat partially up, gripping Josephine around her waist with her right arm and burying her face in Josephine's breasts. She slipped her fingers into Josephine to the second knuckle and stroked her inside, and Josephine heaved her body and repeated, "Fuck me." The contact was almost too much for Jan, but Josephine seemed to barely feel it.

Jan stroked her a little harder and deeper, and Josephine melted into the touch, going limp in Jan's arms. Jan tried to let her down, but she resisted, so she held her upright and pumped her fingers into her. Josephine cried out, her voice hoarse from the effects of the poison and raw with whatever emotion Jan could see in her eyes. Jan gave herself over to the drive, watching Josephine as she succumbed to her body's rapture. She was careful not to push too deep or hard, but Josephine responded fully to the lighter touch, her cunt rippling delightfully, her nipples stiff, her eyes rolled back.

Jan could tell when Josephine finished, and laid her back down on the bed, breathless with the exhilaration of finally making love to her again. Josephine had her eyes closed, but groped to pull Jan's head down against her chest, holding her to her heart as she often did. After the desperate storm of energy, Josephine was finally calm, but Jan found herself restless.

What would it mean if Josephine kept this baby? What would they become? Jan held her breath against the tide of questions and waited for Josephine to speak. She could feel the slight swell of Josephine's belly against her chest, and felt the surge of protectiveness again - different now that she had an image of the child, more personal. Before she had wanted the baby as Josephine's. Now she wanted the baby as hers, too.

Josephine fell asleep as the sun set, and Jan rolled over next to her and studied her face, caressing her with her eyes. Jan wondered again at the impossible luck that had given her Josephine. The woman was so strong and yet so fragile, intimidating in her poise and then blushing in the next moment. She was the unachievable colleague, the schoolgirl crush, and now she was the unreadable lover, a breath away from heartbreak and two steps away from heaven.

In a word, essential. Far too important to lose.

Jan finally broke into the food and then, when exhaustion overwhelmed her, she slept. Over breakfast the next morning, at a cafe across the street from their inn, Josephine said to Jan, "We should leave for Kirkwall tomorrow. Do you think you can get a ship?"

"I think so," Jan said quickly, putting down a biscuit. She smiled before she thought about it, and then looked at Josephine searchingly, not willing to jump to conclusions. Josephine gave a slight nod, and Jan dove over the tiny table to hug her. Josephine laughed a little at the exuberance, and Jan laughed back and peppered her neck with kisses. "Yes, definitely," Jan said a second later. "Let's leave this awful place."


	6. Chapter 6

It was actually a bit tricky to buy passage for eighteen on such short notice, but Jan had deep pockets and she managed the feat. She went straight to the docks after breakfast and spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon talking to captains and first mates, a process that was made much more pleasant by the buoying thought that Josephine was keeping the baby. Jan didn't dwell overly on the rest of the decision's implications; she supposed that the rest of the questions would resolve themselves as they went along.

She congratulated herself on the successful voyage-booking all the way to the door to their room in the inn, which was partially open. There was a massive pile of papers on the formerly empty desk, and Josephine was pacing, clutching a tablet in one hand and waving a stylus in the other as she mouthed words.

"What's going on?" Jan asked cautiously.

"A rider finally arrived with notes from Jim, and it's a disaster," Josephine said immediately. "I can't believe he didn't send me a note by raven, but then I suppose my hands would have been tied until I received the rest," and here Josephine gestured at the intimidating pile.

"Notes?" Jan asked, rifling through the stack. There were several folders with labels such as, "The Compte de Rouge" and "Theirin Family Heirlooms." There was also a thin folder labeled "For the Inquisitor," in noticeably more careless handwriting. Jim was known for his social graces and connections, and not his letter-writing abilities; he was an excellent assistant to the ambassador while Josephine was at Skyhold, but upon reflection, he was likely a terrible _replacement_ for the ambassador.

Jan picked the "For the Inquisitor" folder up. "What is going on?"

"Four things, one of which is desperately important. It seems there is a rogue element of mages that established in an abandoned fort near Denerim. They have been demanding a tithe in the name of the Inquisition for the past - " Josephine took a deep breath. "The past _year_."

"Do we tithe?" Jan asked, deciding to start with the simplest question.

Josephine gave her a fierce look and turned her back on her. A moment later, the word "No" drifted over her shoulder. _Not the right place to start,_ Jan reflected, and took a seat at the corner armchair. She slipped the papers out of the folder and flipped through them. The usual, boring correspondence. Josephine normally drafted responses to these and allowed Jan to read them before signing and sending them off, but these had arrived with no drafted responses. Jan always read the letters _and_ the responses; it was always interesting to see which words Josephine thought the Inquisitor should use, and Jan took a secret pleasure in noting the differences between the "Inquisitor's" voice and Josephine's voice in correspondence.

Jan had seen Josephine's method in drafting responses to these letters. Josephine read the letters quickly once, and then slowly a second time, noting important details on a separate paper. Then she wrote down next to the notes a few words that summed up the Inquisition's stance on each detail, and then she numbered detail-response pairs before creating a draft of the letter. Jan's impression was that the order of the pairs might be the most important part of the process, since she had seen some outlines with many scratch marks after the detail-response pairs, as if Josephine had re-ordered them multiple times.

Jan got back up and was rooting around for blank papers when Josephine spoke again. "I'm sorry, but I am afraid that I will be very busy working out the details of this - _disaster_ \- for the foreseeable future. Did you find a ship for tomorrow?"

Jan yawned and nodded. "We leave at dawn."

Josephine actually paled. " _Dawn?_ " she choked out.

"Is that bad?" Jan asked.

"No, no," Josephine said, but she had started to pace again. Suddenly, she turned and rushed to the empty bucket in the corner of the room. Jan followed a pace after, putting her hand on Josephine's back as she threw up their entire breakfast. A shame; she had eaten more than usual this morning, probably because she had not eaten at all the previous two days.

Jan reached behind them to the bedside table and offered the water to Josephine, who sloshed resignedly and then put the water back down and picked up her tablet and stylus. "Thanks," Josephine said shortly, and marched back over to the desk. She started sorting through the pile of folders.

With Josephine in such a state, Jan decided it was safest not to press hydration on her. She trailed Josephine back to the desk and then put her arms around Josephine's middle. Josephine continued sorting the folders, and when Jan didn't let go she said, "I am very busy."

Jan released her and wandered back to the armchair. "Should I get food?" she asked after she had settled.

"Order it," Josephine said, not looking up.

"Sure," Jan said, but she didn't move yet. "So, wouldn't this all be fixed if I just went over there and confronted them? Worst-case, we have a few dozen mages that die, right?"

Josephine winced at the image, and then said, "Certainly, if only you could click your heels and be there. As it is, we are three weeks' hard riding from Denerim, so unfortunately we will need to resolve this by raven and not by sword." She sighed and shook her head. "We have some troops stationed out of Denerim, but I would hate to put them in danger when there is the possibility of placating the mages by other means."

"What has Fiona said on the matter?"

"Well," Josephine said, and extracted a sheaf of papers from the piles. "She has a few suspects, but unfortunately our intelligence is somewhat limited at this point. She is en route there as we speak, so hopefully we shall know more shortly. Regardless, there are a number of sensitive letters that should be sent immediately to all of the nobles who were sending tariffs to the mages. Likely we will need to reimburse the full amount to them. The difficult letter will be the one to the mages themselves." Josephine paused at this point, looking a little vague.

Jan dove out of the chair and gathered her into her arms. "I have no doubt that you will know exactly the right way to approach the matter," she said. "I hope that you have sent Dorian, Iron Bull, Sera, and Blackwall with Fiona?"

" _I_ haven't sent anyone," Josephine said, resisting Jan's embrace. Jan released her, frustrated. "But Cullen is accompanying Fiona. I wish Cassandra was there rather than here with us... even Vivienne would do a good job of it. As it is, Cullen is the only one who can be trusted to handle this matter, although he really can't be spared at the moment."

"Are you sure that we shouldn't just go straight there?" Jan asked again.

"We should go to Kirkwall first. Hopefully by that time, the issue will have been resolved."

Jan shrugged and dropped it. She ordered the food to their room, and then physically blocked Josephine from the work until Josephine had eaten an amount that Jan deemed satisfactory. Then Josephine disappeared under the pile of papers again.

Jan wrote up the outlines for five responses to her correspondences that evening, which she thought was fairly impressive, and then fell asleep in the armchair. "Very busy" Josephine was, Jan reflected as she fell asleep, her least favorite version.

In the middle of the night, Jan roused herself from the armchair. Josephine was biting her lip, poised above the desk. She looked up briefly, smiled at Jan, and continued writing. The fire had died down to embers, and Jan spent a few minutes feeding kindling into the fire, and then walked over to Josephine and placed a kiss on the crown of her head.

"Hey," Josephine said, and stood up, stretching. She circled the chair and hugged Jan, which was gratifying. Jan had begun to feel acutely neglected. "Did you sleep well?"

Jan checked the sky. Still dark. "Not too bad," she said. "Can I help you?" Wakefulness had come slowly, but with Josephine's body close, her pulse was already starting to pick up, replacing the tingling drowsiness with rushing blood.

Josephine sighed. "Yes. You can copy over the letters I've written to the smallholders around Denerim. We need ten of them."

"Sure," Jan said, rubbing circles on Josephine's back. "How are you doing? Should I fetch tea?"

"That sounds lovely," Josephine said, and released her.

"Hey," Jan pouted. "Can I have a kiss?"

Josephine chuckled at that and put her hand on Jan's chest, tipping her head back. But instead of kissing her, Jan rubbed the back of her fingers against Josephine's cheek and said, "Each time I look at you I love a new thing. The firelight is making your skin glow, and I have discovered that there is a depression just here," Jan rubbed her thumb just below Josephine's cheek bone, "which is lovelier than anything I've ever seen." She bent down and kissed the depression, and Josephine turned into Jan and kissed her.

Jan's heart turned over in her chest and she returned the kiss with vigor. The last night's sex came back to her in a rush, this time tinged with the knowledge that Josephine wanted her baby - the baby that could be Jan's. Josephine had moved her hands to Jan's neck and was clinging to her, their bodies nestled against each other, and the effect was dizzying.

When Josephine pulled away from the kiss, she studied Jan's face with an inscrutable expression. The closeness of the kiss was replaced in an instant with the distance Josephine had maintained all day, and Jan felt the loss like a blow.

"What are you thinking about?" Jan asked quietly, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

"King Alistair," Josephine responded, and slid her hands down Jan's chest. "I'm sorry, I can't focus on anything until this is settled. We will have to get moving shortly if the ship leaves at dawn, and this letter is still not done."

Jan nodded, trying to understand. Josephine was simply doing her job, right? She had kept the baby for them to raise together - because the baby looked like Jan - because they were lovers - because they were... in love? Wasn't that the logical conclusion?

Jan bent to the task of copying Josephine's letter to the Ferelden lords, head spinning. Perhaps once the letters were sent, Josephine would settle enough that they could have a decent conversation about the baby. After all, it would be impossible to send post while at sea. Josephine couldn't dodge the conversation forever, if that was what she was doing.

* * *

They left an hour after dawn, having taken more time than anticipated to find a trustworthy rookery to send Josephine's letters to Skyhold and Denerim. The ship's accommodations were not pleasant. Jan had been forced to purchase one cargo hold and the first and second mates' cabins, so Solas, Varric, and Cole slept with the soldiers and Vivienne and Cassandra shared the smaller of the rooms with the only female member of their guard. Nobody complained, but it was clearly a miserable arrangement for those in the cargo hold, claustrophobic and musty. The ship was not meant for passengers, and it showed.

Josephine fell asleep after throwing up the morning's breakfast, and Jan spent the day pacing around the ship, until the captain asked her kindly to stay out of the crew's way. Jan leaned anxiously off the side of the boat for a few hours contemplating the waves, and when she went down to the first mate's cabin she found Josephine focusing intently on yet another letter, bundled in the bed with the faint scent of vomit in the air.

Jan took off her outer layer of clothing and settled into the bed, which was just big enough for two. She settled her head on Josephine's shoulder and read the first few lines of her letter, which was evidently a draft, judging from the number of crossed-out lines. "You're writing to Sebastian?" Jan asked after a few minutes of silence.

Josephine nodded and then set the tablet aside, turning to Jan and gripping the small of her back. She kissed her with a hunger, and Jan's body responded immediately, her passion flaring to meet Josephine's need. Josephine stroked her sides with her palms and then whipped off Jan's undershirt, flicking her nipples with her tongue. She pushed Jan down onto the cot, and Jan pulled her down on top of her, allowing Josephine to slip her hips between Jan's legs. The memory of Josephine's hard orgasm during their trip to Val Royeaux came back to her, and Jan had no doubt that this was just the same as it had been then, with the same hot need rushing off Josephine's body in waves. Josephine was already thrusting her hips into Jan's body, and Jan felt the need acutely, a spike of Josephine's desire penetrating her through the barrier of their clothing. She moaned at the power of Josephine's sudden passion, and almost allowed Josephine to slip her fingers under the waistband of her pants.

"I am on my moonblood," she managed, and Josephine stopped her fingers on their trail, a short, quick laugh breaking the mood.

"Not fair," she said ironically, her eyes dark with that mysterious emotion - not lust, not sadness, but certainly not happiness either. She paused for a few heartbeats, and then slipped off her panties and straddled Jan's hips, her body contacting Jan's stomach, driving against it. Jan tightened her stomach muscles and reached for Josephine, and Josephine slapped her hands away, driving her core against Jan's body in a fierce rhythm. She had her shirt on still and it was only partially open, giving short glimpses of Josephine's breasts and stomach.

Josephine allowed Jan to kiss her, propped up, with Josephine's body against Jan's lap leaving wet traces on her pants, and then she pushed Jan back down, riding her fiercely. Jan put her arms around Josephine's hips and cupped Josephine's core from behind, and Josephine drove herself into Jan's fingers, closing her eyes slightly as Jan penetrated her. Her body gripped Jan's fingers, and she ground herself hard against Jan's stomach. She held Jan's face between her hands, pressing their foreheads together. Her breath was coming in short bursts, and her body felt frail and desperate against Jan's as she rubbed her clit against her and pleaded for more.

"I can't," Jan said in frustration, and then she had an idea. She pulled her fingers out of Josephine and propelled her body toward the foot of the bed, sliding under Josephine's hips. She settled her head between Josephine's legs and licked her, quickly finding her clit and sucking on it with a relish. Josephine moaned but kept herself upright, and Jan's soaked fingers found her a moment later, with the palm in the correct position, facing Jan in the "come hither" motion, and her tongue fully occupied on Josephine's clit.

Josephine fell forward and caught herself on her hands, which wrenched Jan's fingers partially out of her. Needing the contact, Josephine pushed herself back upright and down on Jan's hand, and Jan obligingly curled her fingers into Josephine's body and sucked her. Somehow Josephine stayed upright, allowing Jan to stroke the need that had blossomed deep inside, until Josephine's body shook.

Josephine let her body collapse against the pillows, and touched her own clit as the climax tore through her. "You like fucking me?" she gasped, and Jan covered her body with her own, letting the waves roll through Josephine, just holding her. When she finished, she kissed Jan with dry lips and repeated, "Do you like fucking me, Jan?"

Jan looked at her with a seriousness that didn't match Josephine's dirty tone. Josephine was just trying to prolong her sense of dominance, but she had actually given Jan an opening. It was time; they could not put off discussing their relationship any longer. Jan had to know why Josephine had kept this baby, and whether she would be a part of raising her. But Jan should take the first step. "Actually, I am in love with you, Josephine."

It took a moment for the statement to hit, and when it did Josephine covered her mouth with her hand, eyes watering. It was obvious that Josephine had not known that Jan loved her, but Josephine _had_ to know it - had to know that their relationship was so much more to Jan than the electricity of their bodies meeting. Jan knew in that moment that Josephine had not kept the baby because they were in love; had not kept the baby, in fact, because of anything related to Jan at all. There was something else there, something that Jan would never be a part of. This realization sparked an ugly fear deep in her gut, but Jan did not break eye contact with Josephine. If Josephine and this child were a unit separate from Jan, if Josephine tired of her and drifted away, she would still stand by it. She _did_ love Josephine, had felt the pull of Josephine's personality from the moment that they had first met. She had waited and longed for Josephine despite the hopelessness, had tried in vain to replace her, and then had fled from Skyhold when nothing else would do. Jan had loved her from the sweet, awkward kisses in the gazebo to the afternoon that Josephine had asked her to bed, to the horrible poisonous retching and bleeding, to this moment, with Josephine sated in her arms and their baby, safe at last, pressed between them in Josephine's belly.

"Why?" Josephine asked finally.

Jan wasn't expecting the question, and took a moment to gather her thoughts. "Because of this," she said, and kissed the depression under Josephine's cheek bone. She chucked, and Josephine laughed a little through the sudden tears. "Because of your quick, clever fingers," she said, and enumerated each of them soundlessly. "Because you always, always know the right thing to say. Because your spirit is so pure. You always think the best of everyone, Josephine. It makes me feel like I can, too."

Josephine rolled her eyes. "That is not enough."

"Do you think I'm lying, Josephine?" Jan asked seriously, and Josephine gave another watery laugh. "Of course I love you. I could not help myself, but love you." It was truer than Josephine could possibly know.

Josephine shook her head, but curled up against Jan's chest anyway, closing her eyes. Jan stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, wishing for more contact, but Josephine did not respond and Jan left her there, her breath softly tickling the space between her breasts. She could see that the sun was setting out the portal, and waited until the sleeplessness of the previous night caught up to her and she followed Josephine into the mindless Fade.


	7. Chapter 7

"You verified that you are, in fact, carrying a demon, and you have kept it?"

The messdeck was uproarious, but the volume of Vivienne's accusation ensured that those sitting nearest to Jan and Josephine heard it. The whole of their guard averted their eyes and perked up their ears, and Cassandra turned purple.

"Vivienne, please," Jan said. "Let's go to the second mate's cabin, at least."

"Certainly," Vivienne said, but her hands were shaking. They rose from their seats, abandoning the mash dinner provided by the crew cook.

She rounded on them the minute the portal closed, and although the volume was lower, the ferocity was equivalent.

"I know that you have no respect for the Circle or anything it represents, Jan, but _you_ ," and here she turned on Josephine, "I had no idea how reckless you could be."

Josephine was speechless, so Vivienne continued. "We have labored since the dawn of time to fight off the demons who possess our bodies, living and dead. The spectre of possession has always haunted us mages, and we have consented to be locked up all our lives on the _possibility_ of possession. An abomination blew up the chantry in Kirkwall and threw our world into this chaotic civil war to begin with! And all of this is not enough evidence to you that _abominations must die?_ "

Josephine was crying, but Jan was trembling in anger. She scrambled for a response and couldn't find any that was appropriate. She wanted to argue about demonic possession, but the conversation was really about Josephine's decision to keep the baby. Finally, Jan said, "This is our baby and our choice, Vivienne. If you can't respect that, I would ask you to leave, now."

"You have no idea how beautiful she was, Vivienne," Josephine said, her voice wavering. "She is a spirit of curiosity, and she chose to make herself into a child inside me. She could have possessed my body, couldn't she? But she created life instead. Solas said that she will learn and grow just like any child." Jan turned to study Josephine, absorbing this rationale hungrily. Was this why she had kept the baby? Because it seemed not to be a demon, despite its origin?

"Solas," Vivienne spat. "The demon could have said anything to you, appeared in any form, Josephine. Are you so gullible as to believe it? I'm sure that Solas said that this has never happened before, but trust me, it has. Demons love to inhabit the bodies of the unborn; they are drawn to them, to their simplicity. The possession warps their forms and consumes the woman in the process, and when they burst forth it is not a child that is born."

Vivienne turned away. "You are right to say that I should leave. I will separate from you at Kirkwall. I just hope that Solas is strong enough to kill the demon when it appears. And I hope that you live, Josephine."

"I have seen him kill enough demons to be confident of that, Vivienne," Jan said, but it was a weak parry and everyone knew it. They left the room, and Josephine refused to attend any more of the group dinners until they arrived in Kirkwall, avoiding the pointed stares that Vivienne continued to level at Jan at every possible opportunity. Josephine disappeared under the mountain of correspondence, reappearing only to quiz Jan on the physical appearance, familial background, political inclinations, and relevance of every important figure they might possibly meet in Kirkwall.

Josephine's dark look rarely left her eyes, now. The confrontation with Vivienne had been rattling, even to Jan's liberal mind, but they did not speak about it. Instead Jan began kissing Josephine's belly every night and saying, "I love you, little one." The first time she did so, it made Josephine cry so hard that Jan worried she had misheard, but Josephine didn't say a word and Jan held her until she quieted and slept. Was this something Jan shouldn't say - should she not imply that she was in a position to love this child? Did Josephine's tears spring from relief, or sorrow, or something else entirely? But in the moments before she slept, Jan could see that the dark look in Josephine's eyes had been finally replaced by a softer one.

* * *

Josephine stood with Jan on the ship's deck, shivering under a thick cowl, to watch the ship pass through the iconic Twins of Kirkwall. "I've never been to Kirkwall," Josephine had confessed, and Jan made her come up on the deck during the approach. Visibility was bad that afternoon, and a thick layer of sea fog obscured the city, making the Twins loom even more impressively. The crew gave Josephine sidelong looks; clearly Vivienne's outburst had reached their ears as well as their guards'.

To distract Josephine from the looks, Jan told her a story. "My father brought me to Kirkwall when I was young, just beginning adolescence, and I have fond memories of playing in the docks with the merchants' sons, and fighting in Lowtown with the petty street gangs. It was just after Hawke killed the Arishok, or we would have needed to leave the city; as it was, Father thought Kirkwall might be the safest place in Thedas for us. The Qunari tolerate Tal-Vashoth, but a young female Vashoth, not born of the Qun? They would have tried to take me back to the homeland."

Josephine listened, her eyes thoughtful. Jan did not talk about her background very much; it wasn't a secret, but it seemed that most people assumed it was, or else her heritage made them uncomfortable. Josephine asked, "Would they still take you?"

Jan shrugged. They were passing close by the Twin on the right, and the massive statue's golden knees loomed close to the ship. Josephine raised her eyes to watch the statue pass, leaning unconsciously into Jan's side, and the solemn awe in her eyes made Jan melt a little. When they had passed the statues fully, Josephine let her eyes settle back on Jan.

"They tried to take me once, when I was in the Garish Hellions, but my friends backed me up and we moved cities quickly thereafter. Otherwise they probably would have tried again. It depends on the Kithshok, the expedition leader, and whether they plan to return to the homeland soon, I would guess."

"But you might be attacked by any Qunari? Aren't you afraid of the Iron Bull turning on you?"

"I don't think he is going to the homeland anytime soon, so no. At this point, I hope I have distinguished myself enough to make kidnapping me more trouble than it's worth. But they also strictly follow eugenics, and in a way my success only makes me more valuable, so I don't know."

"They want to take you back to breed," Josephine realized out loud. "What animals."

"It is the Qun," Jan said, rolling her eyes and adopting a deep tone. "All must submit, et cetera, et cetera. It's all for the cause, even if you need to be kept in chains."

Josephine shuddered. "What a horrific culture."

"My father avoided talking about the Qun with me, but I know that the reason my parents left the homeland was because they were in love, and the Qun requires no familial ties. They didn't want to let each other go, and I think my father was being sent to Thedas to separate them."

"What happened to your mother?" Josephine asked.

"She died a few weeks after I was born," Jan said, suddenly uncomfortable. "Father said that the journey by ship was grueling; he smuggled her with the supplies, and I think the journey lasted a few months. I suspect that once they arrived in Ostwick, they were penniless. No clinic would have taken them in, even after I was born. I can't imagine what it would have been like, to have fought for so long to be together, and then to lose her so quickly."

"It must have been horrible," Josephine said. "And your father?"

"He lives in Ostwick still. I haven't seen him for almost four years."

Josephine shook her head silently. After a pause, she said, "I can't believe you have a father, Jan."

Jan laughed, unbelieving. "What? Everyone has a father."

"Yes, I know, but… It just seems so strange."

"I was thinking about inviting him to live at Skyhold, actually," Jan said. "I don't know if he would come. I think he lives very comfortably in Ostwick; he said he bought a mansion in the merchant district."

"You send him money?"

"Of course," Jan said. "He hasn't worked in years, although he still pretends."

"He is lucky to have you," Josephine said quietly.

Jan shrugged. "And I was lucky to have him. He worked hard to keep clothes on our backs. He was not a warrior, actually - just a merchant. None of his skills were usable here."

"How did you learn to fight?" Josephine asked.

"In gangs," Jan said. "And then as a mercenary."

"So you are… twenty years old, give or take."

"Twenty-two," Jan said before she thought about it, and then blushed hotly. Josephine was laughing hard, and Jan smiled uncomfortably back at Josephine, wishing she would stop laughing.

"Twenty-two," Josephine repeated, and then laughed harder. "When I was twenty-two, I was still a bard."

"When were you chosen as ambassador to Orlais?"

"When I was twenty-five. I served for two years before Leliana recruited me to the Inquisition."

 _Twenty-nine_ , Jan thought. _No wonder she's laughing at me._

Josephine was still laughing a little. She wiped tears from her eyes and then said, "You don't act like you're twenty-two."

"I guess I grew up fast," Jan said, hoping that her blush would fade quickly. "I was taller than any human man by the time I was twelve, remember? I was the leader of a petty gang for a few months when I was fourteen, and then I was recruited for the Garish Hellions right out of Kirkwall. I left two years before the collapse, and my father moved back to Ostwick then."

"Twenty-two," Josephine said, and giggled.

"Leave it alone," Jan begged. "Look, you can see the new docks."

The city was in ruins. The majestic stone structures that had stood since the days of the Imperium were completely collapsed, and Jan could already see furtive figures dodging from building to building. Jan had come through Kirkwall once since the collapse, and it seemed not very improved from that state. There were a few new-looking docks, which their ship seemed to be angling toward. "It looks terrible," Jan added. "What a mess."

"So I had heard," Josephine agreed. "Let's finish packing everything."

She really meant that she wanted to get back to her work, as they were already packed. Jan nodded anyway and followed her down the stairs to their cabin, unwilling to part with her even for the spectacle of the ship docking. She was feeling a little strange about their last conversation, and when the cabin door closed she pulled Josephine to her and gave her an experimental kiss.

Josephine still melted into her, which repaired Jan's doubts completely. Jan stroked her hair and said, "Aveline Vallen is red-haired, freckled, and frequently wears a headband. She is pro-Chantry and marginally literate."

Josephine laughed at that. "Lineage?"

"None," Jan said, laughing back at her. Josephine nodded mock-seriously, and then kissed Jan again, and it was like they were in love.


	8. Chapter 8

Vallen met them at the docks in her guard armor, a small contingent of city guards with her. Jan had opted for a formal dress armor, and Josephine wore her usual golden shirt with the blue sash. The rest were in their normal armor.

When Vallen had made it to the ship's ramp, Josephine allowed Jan to walk down to meet her. The rest followed in her wake, a rainbow and silver line of warriors down the ramp.

"Welcome to Kirkwall, Inquisitor," Vallen said, giving a short half-bow.

Jan returned the half-bow and said, "Thank you for your invitation, Captain Vallen. I lived in Kirkwall for a few years in my youth, and it's a shame to see it in such a state."

"That's exactly why I asked you here," Vallen said.

"My companions," Jan turned to introduce each in turn. "Josephine Montilyet, Varric Tethras, as you know, Cassandra Pentaghast, Vivienne of the Circle in Montsimmard, Solas of the… Dales, and Cole of… Ferelden," Jan improvised. "And the rest of our guard," she finished. "I hope that you have accommodations sufficient for the party."

"So long as you don't mind a few drafts, I do," Vallen said, turning sharply and beginning to walk down the main street toward the first tall flight of stairs that led to Lowtown. The guard carried all of their luggage between them, a not inconsiderable burden considering they were still carrying the tents and camping equipment. "Varric, it's good to see you," she added.

Varric blew out a mighty breath and said, "I have been waiting _so_ long to hear those words. Did you worry about me when I was kidnapped by that brooding creature over there?" Cassandra rolled her eyes. "You don't write, you don't call... Donnic, you better have been treating her right."

A stocky guard shook his head and said, "It hasn't been the same here without you and Hawke."

"What a sweetheart," Varric said, slugging the man on the arm.

"Leave Donnic alone," Vallen said, but her eyes were soft. They had reached the first massive stone staircase, and Jan dropped behind to walk beside Josephine. She had been pausing halfway up short staircases to catch her breath; even on the stairs in the ship, which were a half-floor at most, she had paused halfway up this morning.

"I think I will walk with the guards," Josephine muttered to Jan. "You stay with the rest."

Jan bit her lip and shook her head. "Wait!" she called, and the contingent halted. "I forgot something on the ship. Go on ahead of me; I will catch up. Where are you located, now?"

"Still the Viscount's Keep," Vallen called back. "Hurry up," she added. Jan was beginning to really like her.

Josephine turned back to the ship with Jan, and they took their time pacing back towards the docks. "Thank you," Josephine said.

Jan took her arm and grinned. "If I had only known that ten years later I would have the privilege of escorting a lady such as yourself along this very path… how my circumstances have changed."

"I hate this, you know," Josephine said.

"What, me?" Jan said, feigning hurt.

"Being dizzy whenever I move," Josephine said.

"Is it that bad?" Complaining about the effects of pregnancy - it was a good sign. If she felt comfortable enough to complain about this, surely Jan would be privy to her other complaints. Right?

Josephine nodded, eyes on the horizon. After a moment, she said, "My body isn't my own anymore."

 _It's also the baby's_ , Jan heard, and she turned into Josephine, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Only six months left, and I think it will be worth it."

"It's certainly worth it for you," Josephine said, scowling up at Jan. It is? Jan thought frantically, fighting against the surge of emotions. There was no misinterpreting that: Josephine, without doubt, was planning for Jan to be a part of her baby's life.

She fought through the sudden urge to both laugh and cry, taking Josephine's hand and kissing her curled fingers. "Thank you for taking on this part. I promise to make up for lost time later, OK?"

Josephine's scowl softened. "Maybe," she conceded. Her eyes turned to the massive staircase, and Jan turned to watch the last guardsman pass under the arches into Lowtown. They turned back to the stairs, and Jan held Josephine's arm as they made their way up. They paused four times on the way, and Josephine rolled her eyes as she panted at the top of the first set of stairs. The stairs from Lowtown to Hightown were worse, and then the stairs to the Viscount's Keep were the worst. Jan was secretly glad that she had not allowed Josephine to walk with the guards; Josephine's pace was impossibly slow, and Josephine would probably have been embarrassed. She wished it was acceptable for her to carry Josephine; her lover's weakness made her feel even more protective of her, and it was obvious that even this slow pace was trying.

Finally, Jan pushed open the intimidating doors of the keep itself. Vallen herself was waiting for them, and escorted them up the final flight of stairs to a private room. The decorations were sparse; Jan suspected that if this had once been the room used for diplomatic negotiations, it had long ago been converted to a multipurpose meeting room. Where there were once three stained-glass windows facing south, only one remained; the other two had been plastered over.

Vivienne had disappeared, but the rest of their companions filed in after Jan and Josephine, filling their side of the table. Vallen looked small, sitting alone on the other side of the table across from Jan.

Jan spoke first. "These are trying times, and Kirkwall of all cities has been dealt a hard blow by the civil war. As you know, we have focused much of our operations in Ferelden and Orlais, as they are most affected by the Breach between worlds. But when I received your request for an audience, I could not refuse. We are proud to be known as peacekeepers and rebuilders. Please, tell me what we can do for the people of Kirkwall."

Vallen received the speech with an attitude of relief, and said immediately, "Your reputation as fair and tolerant administrators precedes you. I was glad to hear that you supported Anders' mage rebellion against the corruption of the templars. Nothing I have seen in my life was as horrifying as Knight-Commander Meredith after she was consumed by the red lyrium." Vallen stood up and began pacing. "After Hawke and - well - everyone left, we began to see red lyrium everywhere. Eventually we discovered that it had infiltrated Darktown. Scavengers were breaking it out and consuming it or selling it, but we finally discovered that it was literally growing out of the stone. What can you tell me about it?"

Varric shifted in his seat, and Jan nodded to him. "That's right," Varric said. "We have been trying to track down the sources of the red lyrium trade for the past two years. The templars have gone nuts over it, the poor sods, which is a big part of the reason I supported the mages, personally. Unlike normal lyrium, we have seen red lyrium sprouting out of the ground in crystalline spikes. The effect is concentrated on a particular area. We don't know yet why it grows so quickly, but I think it must have to do with the Breach, since it started happening right after the Conclave."

"But how do we uproot it?"

Varric shrugged uncomfortably. "We know of some acids that are pretty effective in breaking down the structure of red lyrium. I have a group working on that problem right now, but it's a - it's going to be a challenge, any way you cut it. I can send one of them here to record the growth and test the soil, stuff like that, but I can't make any guarantees. The best thing to do is harvest the red lyrium and then destroy it with the acid, so that it can't be used."

"But it's appearing in Darktown. I don't think that I can get to it before the residents do, Varric."

"Hmmm…" Varric said thoughtfully. "I don't know, Lady -"

Aveline shot him a scathing look and cut in, "Why don't I take you all down there to see the situation?"

"Good idea," Jan said, standing up. "Josephine, didn't you say that you needed to send some items urgently?" There was no way that Jan would let Josephine anywhere closer to the red lyrium than she already was.

"Yes, thank you for the reminder," Josephine said smoothly. "Keep me apprised of the situation, please." The rest of the group was standing, too, and Josephine put her hand on Jan's elbow briefly.

"Certainly," Jan said, a smile tugging at her face. Aveline's eyes flicked between them, and then she marched to the door.

Aveline's guards had identified five areas that they knew the lyrium was sprouting. "We can't seal off Darktown," Aveline said. "There are too many connections with Lowtown; we don't even know all the ways that the residents move between the two." Jan liked how she called them "residents," although everyone knew she meant the gangs, prostitutes, and homeless.

"You may have to," Cassandra said. "Even if the task is difficult."

"Perhaps," Aveline said. "With most of the city's population gone, there is plenty of room in Lowtown, if only the residents would move."

As they moved between the nodes, Jan's presence attracted a small crowd. "The Inquisition" was an echoing whisper that preceded them. The nodes looked standard, although as Aveline said, the lyrium was clearly being continuously harvested. Varric pointed out that of course, there were clearly many more nodes than they had found. Jan caught glimpses of some street thugs with glowing eyes and spiky protrusions underneath their clothing, clear evidence that the lyrium might not be going very far.

The crowd had grown to a substantial size, and the air hummed nervously as Jan finished inspecting the last known node. Jan turned and inspected the crowd. There was the scent of desperation, so familiar to Jan. But there was also something else, underlying the desperation. A hint of the horrifying red madness of the templars. Jan raised her voice to address the crowd.

"You have all heard of the Inquisition. We are here to help you. The red mineral that you have found sprouting from the ground is poison! You must have noticed its effects already, in yourself and your friends and family. The Inquisition is officially calling for an evacuation of Darktown. We will be preparing residences in Lowtown for you to move into. You will each be given a number. That number is your ticket out of Darktown forever!"

The pronouncement was met with a shifty thoughtfulness in the crowd. "What about our homes?" someone shouted.

"Anyone and anything remaining in Darktown at the close of this month will be burned," Jan said, and this provoked an outcry.

"You just want the lyrium for yourselves!" a burly young man said. Jan picked him out immediately; a spike of the red lyrium was sticking out of his shoulder proudly. Jan walked right into the crowd, and when she reached the young man she gripped him by the protrusion.

"This growth is evidence that the red lyrium is poisonous," she said, still raising her voice. "You feel the lyrium in your bones, in your blood, and it is slowly killing you. Why else would your body hurt, as it does? Why else would you wake in unfamiliar places, with no memory of how you arrived there? Why else would you have moments of uncontrollable rage? You are in terrible danger, and you have put those you love into danger, too!"

"The lyrium makes me powerful!" the young man said. "It helps me recognize you for what you are - a dictator!"

Jan laughed at that. "The Inquisition has experts who will help you remove the lyrium from your system without dying of it. If you accept our help, you will have a chance at life again."

The man spit in Jan's face, and Jan cracked his skull with her fist. He dropped like a stone. Jan looked around the crowd, the spittle still dripping from her face. "Anyone else have any questions?" The crowd had parted slightly around Jan, but the presence of a hundred bodies was more dangerous, now. Jan had struck the first blow. The moment was delicate.

"We will be organizing the evacuation of Darktown," Jan said. "All those who need a home should line up in two days' time for their number assignment. There will be only one number assignment period, and if you miss it, you will be in the streets. Understood?"

The crowd shifted and grumbled, but nobody spoke up. Jan waded back through the crowd, wiping the dead man's spittle off her face, and rejoined her companions. They walked silently to the nearest lift, and took it up to Lowtown.

"This is going to be a logistical nightmare," Aveline pointed out when they emerged.

"I know," Jan said. "Best to get to work right away. Cassandra, can I rely on you?"

"Of course," Cassandra said. "I am at your disposal."

Varric said, "I know this city like the back of my hand. Can I assist?"

"Your help would be invaluable, Varric," Cassandra said.

Jan dropped back to allow Cassandra and Varric to question Aveline, walking beside Cole. Cole considered her with his doe-like eyes, and said, "They are proud, but they knew that you were right."

"If I wasn't right, I wouldn't be doing this," Jan said. "Who wants to displace thousands of people?"

"They will follow you," Cole said. "All will follow you."

Jan didn't know what to say to that, and so she stayed silent.


	9. Chapter 9

Jan stayed in Kirkwall for a week, allowing Cassandra and Varric to establish the Inquisition's presence in the city and begin Project Darktown, a monumental task. They requested one hundred additional troops from Cullen for the implementation of Jan's hastily-formulated plan. Cullen adequately expressed his level of panic by raven, but sent the troops anyway.

Jan stayed mostly indoors, aiding in the logistics and continuing to attempt to respond to her own post. After they received the massive package of letters from Jim, he had begun forwarding letters to Josephine and Jan on a rolling basis, evidently having given up on keeping a lid on the Inquisition's correspondence. Josephine took on the massive pile of correspondence with grace, but prioritized their work with Kirkwall's administrators.

Much of the city's staff had fled, and those who remained were a tough lot. Aveline never directly complained about them, but as Josephine had suspected, the city was not offering any form of insurance to merchants from the Free Marches. Josephine created a draft plan for the economic repair of Kirkwall, which was something that she said she was "thoroughly unqualified to do." She also offered the city the free services of two administrators on the Inquisition's payroll, who were _actually_ thoroughly qualified to finesse the plan into motion. The offer had a mixed reception among the clerks and repairmen who remained in the city government. They could hardly refuse, though; Aveline had put her full weight behind the Inquisition, and she was indeed the most powerful figure who remained in the city.

Josephine's body never regained its vigor, and though she had started eating again, she was throwing up twice a day still. If anything, the dizzy spells became even more frequent. The swell of her belly was now obvious to the eye, just two weeks after Jan first felt it. Josephine did most of her work from bed, driven by pure determination, but she emanated a bone-deep tiredness that never seemed to fade.

Jan could not tell how much of it was normal for pregnancy, how much was caused by the poison Josephine was surely still recovering from, and how much was because the child was Qunari-blooded. Jan wasn't sure if such a match was possible between human and Qunari unaided, but was beginning to think that such things might be best avoided. The Qunari baby was growing so fast, and it was physically painful for Jan to watch as her lover's strength faded. If it was this bad now, what would six months look like? Could Josephine even carry this baby to term at all? Jan was developing a sickening sense of unease about the effects the pregnancy was having on her lover, but it was too late to switch sides - right?

It was with a sense of relief that Jan departed Kirkwall, leaving Cassandra and Varric to their devices. The administrators were already on their way to Kirkwall, and Jan almost trusted that everything would remain stable in her absence. Solas, Cole, Ali, and the rest of their guard accompanied her and Josephine across the Waking Sea and then from the small port on the Ferelden coast up the Frostback Mountains to Skyhold.

The route was not well-traveled, and frequently the trail actually faded completely away, picking up again a few miles later. There was no possibility of using a carriage on this route, unfortunately, so they had to ride. Dennet, the Inquisition's Horsemaster, sent a few boys with eighteen horses to meet them at the port. Josephine took the gentlest of the horses; she was normally an agile equestrian, and showed no sign of hesitation at the thought of riding to Skyhold. Jan had hesitation enough for the two of them, and Josephine had to forcefully coerce her into tolerating the arrangement. There was really no alternative; by foot, the journey would have taken a full month or longer. Jan was sick with fear for Josephine and her baby, and stayed tight on Josephine's right side, with Lem on her left side. Lem was the quickest of the Inquisition's early recruits; he had accompanied Jan in Crestwood and the Forbidden Oasis, and Jan had promoted him to captain of her guard last year.

They took their sweet time though the mountains, and the journey stretched for two long weeks. Jan enveloped Josephine's body in her arms each night, and gave her a million soft kisses, but she never escalated the touch and Josephine did not seem to have the strength. They had not slept together since Jan had owned up to her feelings for Josephine; in fact, since she had told Josephine her age. But Jan still caressed her, and Josephine looked deep into her eyes, and everything seemed to have stabilized. "I love you, little one," Jan continued to tell Josephine's belly, and the motion of it was soothing in the otherwise dreadful journey.

Jan stayed awake for hours after Josephine went to sleep, and spent those hours agonizing over their relationship, and the baby. She ran through every offhanded comment that Josephine had made and watched every soft curve of Josephine's body for changes, which she detected nearly every night. Her curves were turning into tight angles, and for every change Jan found, the swell of Josephine's belly seemed an inch larger.

Jan's jaw was tight with tension, and it popped every time she opened it fully. The anxiety of the ride exchanged with the intense bliss and frustration of the night together, exchanged with the vigilance of her nightly watch over Josephine. She always woke at dawn for Josephine's sickness, and then slept through the morning until the camp was broken down. And then the cycle started again.

When they made it to Skyhold, the swell of Josephine's belly was unmistakable, even with her clothes on. Many of her dresses still concealed it, but she looked shrunken and frail in the dresses, her arms wasted. They had spent two months on the journey, and it was becoming quickly obvious that they had not had two months to spare.

The Iron Bull had just returned from Denerim, and Jan approached him carefully. She asked him the length of a Qunari pregnancy, and he said that it was about a half-year, looking at her quizzically before returning to his drink. Jan had always felt uncomfortable around the massive Qunari; likely her reaction to his grey bulk was the same one that she had endured - and leveraged - all her life. Regardless, his presence was so different from her father's that she balked at it, so undoubtedly the Iron Bull was not surprised when she left him to his drink and escaped to Josephine.

Josephine concluded with a grimace that she should officially transfer nearly all her ambassadorial duties to Jim. Jan quietly cursed at the misfortune of it; obviously, Josephine could not have trained a new ambassador in the next few months, but Jim was such a piss-poor substitute for her that Jan already knew that the transfer of power would be symbolic at best.

"Jim should know everything," Josephine said. "And in a week or two I need to tell everyone else. I would prefer to be open about it, rather than enduring whispers."

Jan nodded her consent, and then asked, before she could think twice, "Would you consider a… binding ceremony, or, like, a marriage?"

Josephine chuckled dryly. "A quiet one that we never talk about, or shall we wait for three months for my mother to make all the hurried arrangements for a small party? I am afraid we don't have the time, my love. I would rather sleep beside you at night, if unofficially. After, we can consider it."

 _My love_ , Jan repeated to herself, the injury almost abated by those words. Jan nodded and then clutched Josephine's frail body closely, kissing her carefully everywhere. She was laying on her side, the position most comfortable to her now, and as Jan worked her way around her body she moaned. "Make me forget all this."

Jan started slowly, assuming nothing. She kissed Josephine's lips and continued the somewhat chaste strokes that had provoked Josephine, and then she moved to Josephine's neck and left a soft line of kisses there. Something was different, though; when Jan kissed Josephine's neck, Josephine arched into her touch and grasped at her shirt, trying to pull her body closer. This was the lover Jan remembered from before the pregnancy: pliable, almost passive, and receptive, following Jan's lead. The change from their sex on the road couldn't be more stark.

Jan ran her hand down the outside of Josephine's thigh and pushed Josephine's leg up, pressing against her bottom and letting her fingers brush Josephine's sex through her panties. Josephine whimpered and put her head back, arching her breasts into Jan's and rubbing her core against Jan's fingers in the same motion. The soft urgency of the motion made Jan's belly burn with sudden, fierce need.

She squeezed Josephine's butt and pressed her hips between Josephine's legs, and then forced herself to slow down. "Do you want me, Josephine?"

Josephine was panting in frustration. "Yes," she gasped. "Touch me, please."

Jan cupped one breast in her hand and rubbed the sensitive nipple through the nightgown as she kissed Josephine again, and Josephine growled and bucked into her, begging for intimacy. Her swollen belly pressed jarringly against Jan's stomach, and Jan raised her torso higher to avoid inadvertently crushing Josephine. She seemed so fragile, a flitting glowing soul within a sick and failing body.

Jan almost stopped, and Josephine must have sensed her hesitation because she grabbed Jan's collar and panted, "Please." Jan slid her left hand behind Josephine's neck and kissed her tenderly, and then she slipped Josephine's panties down. Josephine stilled as Jan slid down in the bed, pulling the panties all the way off, and put her face between Josephine's legs. She started with just the tip of her tongue, and Josephine was quiet under the sudden fulfillment.

Soon Josephine's hips were twitching, and she said, "Inside, Jan, inside," until Jan slipped her finger delicately into her opening. She couldn't even see Josephine over the bruised swell of her belly, but Josephine grasped her horns and urged her on, voice breaking, until Jan could feel her body constrict around her fingers. She gave a ragged shout and then Jan was kissing her face and rubbing every inch of her body.

"I love you, Josephine," Jan whispered, and Josephine held Jan against her heaving breasts. Jan couldn't tell if she had heard, but it was enough to have said it again.

It was also good to know that she could still bring her lover to orgasm, even if she, despite her best efforts, could not give her the level of complete partnership that was so obviously needed. Was it because she was Qunari? If she was a human, maybe of noble blood - would the situation be more surmountable? Jan had no way of knowing, but Josephine's casual dismissal of her proposal hurt her more than she could admit. Was it because of the gulf that had suddenly grown between them? Was it because Jan loved her too much, or too little? Should she have put it in a different way? Compounded by her frantic fear for Josephine's health, the entire complex mess made Jan's head spin.

When Josephine quieted, Jan made her a huge cup of tea and started rubbing her back, feet, and hands with oil, massaging it into her skin carefully. Then she moved to her belly, applying far too much oil and trying not to move too quickly. The skin always felt chapped and dry, and there were already stretch marks from the sudden growth. The bottom was dark purple, a spreading bruise that Ali said was also caused by the rapid swelling of Josephine's body. Jan tried not to think too much, repeating Josephine's words in her mind until they blurred into unintelligibility. _My love, my love, my love..._

* * *

Josephine made the announcement to Jan's inner circle, advisors, the generals of the army, and the heads of staff of Skyhold.

"You are all undoubtedly aware that there is something happening between Jan and I. I think that it is your right to know, as invested staff in the Inquisition, what exactly _is_ happening. Jan and I have miraculously conceived a child together," she said, and paused to allow the murmurs to pass in the chamber. Jan suspected that rumor of Josephine's pregnancy had already reached most of the staff at this point. It was hard to conceal a perpetually filled vomit bucket in the Inquisitor's quarters, and if Josephine did not look pregnant, she certainly looked deathly ill. Most of the staff also probably knew about Vivienne's assessment of the situation from their guards, which explained the moderate volume of the murmurs now - the explanation for their announcement was close at hand.

"Please feel free to tell the rest of the staff, and whatever visitors are not my responsibility, about what has happened. Do not hesitate to ask me, or Jan, any questions you might have. From this moment onward, Jim will be the official ambassador of the Inquisition."

Jim stepped forward and took off his mask in a friendly fashion to accept the position. "I would not dream of taking Lady Montilyet's place, but you should all consider me the first portal to pass on your way to Lady Montilyet for the future." Jim's speech was graceful, but woefully accurate; Jan could already see him shedding the responsibilities of the ambassador, even as he accepted the position's title.

When the announcement was over, Josephine pointedly walked with Jan to the Inquisitor's door and Jan closed it behind them. She promptly practically collapsed in the hallway, and Jan carried her up the many flights of stairs and laid her carefully in bed. She was four and a half months pregnant, and so weak that she could barely stand.

She didn't fall asleep, but didn't seem interested in discussing what had just transpired. Jan fed her grapes and cheese and cold cuts of turkey, took off her shoes, and murmured adoring encouragements to her. After a time, Josephine napped, and then she took off her formal wear and put on a sleeping shirt to read sensitive correspondences and Jim's drafted responses. Jan climbed into bed behind her and practically clung to her, realizing that she was holding Josephine more for her own comfort than Josephine's, but unable to release her.

* * *

Hawke had beaten them to Skyhold, and urged Jan to immediately depart for the assault on the Adamant Fortress. "They have already started the ritual," Hawke had said. "We are probably too late - the timing here is essential." Jan spent days resisting, but when the matter came up in a War Table meeting Josephine's eyes flashed and the matter was decided.

Adamant was nearly four weeks' travel away, burdened by siege engines and the massive military force that Cullen had gathered for the purpose. Every day was a new torture.

She received daily letters from Josephine, and wrote when she had the chance. Josephine did not discuss her pregnancy, except to say that everything was "as expected," and that as a sideways reference. The avoidance just made Jan more anxious, but the letters were priceless to her, and she kept them in a roll at the bottom of her pack, imagining Josephine writing them every day. In the darkest moments of her journey into the Fade, she dug them out and clutched them like they were a lifeline. She was utterly committed, determined to return to Josephine and the dark-eyed daughter that they shared.


	10. Chapter 10

When she took on ambassadorial duties, Josephine decided to take a mandatory lap around the courtyard every day. The staff at Haven and then Skyhold noticed, and likely thought that she was inspecting the grounds, which was a convenient pretense. The truth was much simpler: she felt better if she walked every day, and the brisk air helped clear her head. She kept the habit after they returned from Kirkwall, and even after she had given over her duties to Jim. It might have been hard the first few days, but she knew it was best to keep up the appearance of normalcy.

Effie, the cook, nodded to her with twinkling eyes as she walked through the kitchen on her way to the grounds. Effie was a notorious gossip, and Josephine was sure to pass her at least once every two days, mostly to satisfy her rabid curiosity. Effie was also quite bold; she had stopped Josephine on more than one occasion to inquire after her health and make hints about her condition. Josephine was always relieved when she escaped unscathed.

Next on the rounds was Cole, who Josephine usually found lurking near the entrance to the kitchen. If he wasn't there, he was usually at the infirmary, drifting among the empty beds and intermittently humming an odd and haunting melody. Josephine found him here today, and he turned to her before she made a sound, silently watching her as she approached him. His sorrowful eyes were full of feeling, and Josephine couldn't help but draw him into her arms when she reached him, partially as a comfort to him, and partially for her own sake. He buried his face in her shoulder, and they spent a long moment like that.

Then Josephine sat on one of the infirmary beds and asked the boy, "What's wrong?" It seemed to help him to speak, even if nobody understood but him.

"His daughter was in a crib when the red knights came, and he took his sword to confront them, along with the rest. It would have been a blessing to have died, but he was so heavy that he couldn't stand up, even though he didn't have to carry his arm anymore. All he could do was watch the house burn."

Josephine said softly, "Where is he now?"

"Back in Crestwood, home, but to him it is not home any more."

"This is why you fight, Cole. Remember that. The work of the red knights can only be undone by the fight." This was a broken part of the mantra Jan repeated over and over to the troops, and Josephine believed the truth of it, although she was embarrassed at how uninspiring her version was. Her heart ached for a moment remembering Jan, and she choked the feeling down.

"We can only stop it if we stand up," Cole agreed solemnly, and stood up as if to confront the red knights now. "You shouldn't stand up now, though." This was a persistent mantra of his, and its reappearance made Josephine smile. It was far more incongruous most of the time.

"Why?" she asked anyway.

"Because your back is hurting," Cole responded. It was true. It was a terrible ache that started halfway down her back and ran sometimes all the way down to her heels. It had started just about the same time that Jan had left, and had gotten worse after her fall.

"She is almost completely gone from the Other Place," Cole observed suddenly.

Josephine started. "What?"

"The bigger her body gets, the stronger its pull."

"Is she OK?" Josephine asked. This was why she sought him out, and listened to him for hours. It wasn't that she minded; he was a sweet boy, and the better she knew him the more understandable Jan's explanation for trusting him became. He did not seem like a demon at all.

But the real reason was at every once in a long while, he told her about the curiosity demon she carried. It was her only connection to the baby, and while he spoke in his strange, wistful voice about the demon, she could allow herself to fully believe. She believed that this baby looked like a dark-eyed, dark-haired version of Jan when Cole spoke about her.

She felt a great welling of desperation. "Is she OK? Does she hurt?" The fall hadn't been far.

Cole ignored her question. "It is lucky she doesn't know how scared you are of her."

"Cole, I - I have sacrificed everything for her. I have given up my duties, invited ridicule towards my family - all because -" _Why?_ Josephine wondered, trying to find the words to explain her decision, not for Cole, but for herself. She grasped for a reason, something Jan had never pressed her for, and Leliana had blithely provided for her. Cole waited silently for her to speak.

"Because she was everything I wanted, and I couldn't let her go," Josephine said finally. It would all be worth it, maybe.

"You are scared and bitter," Cole said sadly.

"I am doing all of this alone!" Josephine snapped at him. His face got even paler and he ducked his head, hiding his eyes under his hat, and slinked away from her and out the infirmary door.

She sat alone for a few minutes, anger giving way to remorse. Of course it wasn't Cole's fault that she was scared and bitter, and it wasn't his fault she was alone either. Jan really had no choice in the matter; she had needed to follow any clue to the Wardens, without delay. And at least Josephine could expect her return; in that way, she wasn't alone at all.

She looked down to find her arm wrapped around her belly, its swell now impossible to mistake. She was only six months pregnant, but the demon - Qunari? - had grown so quickly that she almost looked full-term now.

Sometimes it felt like the bigger the baby got, the thinner Josephine became. The baby sapped her strength; when she was not nauseous, she tried to eat as much as she could, but the moments of opportunity were rare. Her left side was covered in a mass of bruises, and she was exhausted and dizzy all the time.

She sat in the empty infirmary and clutched her swollen belly, silently cursing the child and herself in turn. When she had enough feeling sorry for herself, she pushed off the bed and made her way as gracefully as possible back to the castle. She was too jarred to continue her rounds, and she was already tired. She would check in with Jim and then lay down, she decided. If Hawke had still been staying at the castle, she might have dropped by to speak with her; the woman was nothing if not amusing, quick-tongued and shrewd, and Josephine had never tired of hearing her opinions on the various nobility in Orlais. But Hawke had been gone for a month and a half now, and the rest of Jan's group was either accompanying her, or a challenge in their own right. Talking with Leliana wasn't a challenge, precisely, but getting to her was, and she had decided that today wasn't the day to risk it.

She walked to her old office, taking breaks as she went, where she found Dorian pestering Jim. "Lady Josephine!" Dorian said to her when she entered, spinning about with an exhausting amount of energy. "I was just asking after you. Where have you been?"

"I was walking," Josephine said, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. They had almost finished moving her belongings from the upper "staff" room to the lower room near the servants quarters. He was probably checking on her to see if she wanted to make another trip. He knew she would never call on him, and so he checked on her. Every day.

She knew she shouldn't be cross with him. She had hurried past him after tea with Leliana, and lost her footing on the second stair. He ran down the stairs to the landing to help her, and gripped her waist tightly all the way back down the tower. "I understand," he had said to her quietly when she had asked for his silence in the matter. And he had been nothing if not circumspect since: speaking with the maids to arrange her new room, gallantly toting her belongings around in lumpy rucksacks… nobody ever visited her at her quarters, she had been utterly clear on that point, but the mage had begun showing up everywhere, and she had not found herself in a position to complain.

Jim's brow was furrowed, and so Josephine added, "But I have just now remembered that we planned to meet for tea, didn't we?"

"Right," Dorian agreed hurriedly. "Anything I can assist with? Papers, perhaps?"

"No, thank you," Josephine said to him, unable to suppress the urge to arch her eyebrow. She approached the desk and addressed Jim. "Did you receive my correspondence this morning?" Ever an early riser, her pregnancy had shifted her schedule even earlier; these winter months, she had begun waking several hours before the sunrise. She was so tired that she fell asleep early, and the cycle perpetuated itself.

She had dropped off the papers an hour after sunrise, and Jim had probably made it to the desk only just before noon. "I did," Jim said, gesturing toward a stack. "I put it at the bottom, right? I am trying to work through them right now."

The stack was several days' worth of drafts and notes from her, and Josephine's irritation flared again. "Mostly," she agreed testily, and then rifled through it, pulling out several sheets. "This for the Countess Burgeo's daughters. This one just requires your signature," and here she waited for him to dip his quill and sign, "and _this_ one should be sent first. It is congratulations for Count Emilio's engagement, so you should send a rider with it _today._ "

Jim nodded absently, and Josephine asked, "Do you have anything for me?"

"All of this arrived today," Jim said plaintively. "I think they were holding it at the village."

"The storm, no doubt," Josephine agreed. and scooped up the pile. She turned toward Dorian. "Shall we?" she asked, and he held the door for her as they left.

Dorian was almost skipping with glee. "I finally made it back down to the village yesterday," he said immediately after the door closed behind them, and started down the steps to the lower level. Josephine hesitated at the top of the stairs, and Dorian circled back and put his arm around her waist without asking. _I was planning to lay down,_ Josephine reminded herself, and gave up, allowing Dorian to lead her.

"I roamed about and finally actually found a woman in the village who looks pretty much as big as you," he said proudly. "And I bribed her to allow me to read her baby's signature, appearance, everything! Remember, I said before that I could only find women who were more pregnant than you?" Unspoken was the observation that Josephine had caught up to them.

"So you want to do another reading on me?" Josephine surmised.

"It couldn't hurt, could it? The last one was ages ago."

"Ages" meant one and a half months ago, when she and Jan had returned from Orlais. He had warned them that he knew nothing about what babies looked like, and unsurprisingly he was unable to provide any useful information to them. The revelation was a relief to Josephine.

But Dorian was wrong. It _could_ hurt to do another reading, especially if Dorian were more competent now. If Dorian detected that something was wrong, as she suspected would happen, what would she do? She supposed that Ali might be able to remove the child before it grew any more, but the thought was so repellent to her that she shuddered to think of it. She needed to see her baby and hold it in her arms, and damn the consequences.

The thing she risked was, of course, her life. But her protectiveness was stronger than that fear, it turned out. Instead of hating herself for giving in to it, she had let herself be compelled by the story that Jan and Solas believed. She let herself believe that this baby looked like a darker-complexioned Jan, and that its abnormal growth was because of its Qunari blood. This story helped her justify herself; nobody needed to know that she did not really believe it. Allowing Jan's best friend to do this, to compare her baby to a normal one… it threatened to upset the fragile balance between truth and fiction.

But how could she keep living like this, torn between the two? "It couldn't hurt," she agreed quietly.

To change the subject, she asked Dorian something that had been bothering her. "Dorian, Jan has never left you behind while she was on a mission. She even brought you to the ball; you have been inseparable. Why did she leave you behind this time?"

"Well," Dorian took his time answering, his handsome face thoughtful in the twilit corridors of the castle's belly. "We are friends, Josephine, but ultimately she is the commander and I the soldier, if you see what I mean. If she decides to take Solas over myself, it's not my place to complain."

They had finally made it to Josephine's new room, a hovel really, in the very center of the castle and on its lowest floor. There were no windows, but it was cozy and close to the maids' quarters, so it was a far preferable situation to her drafty room in the castle main. One of the maids had stoked the fire, probably Annie, and the whole room was filled with its cheery glow. She let herself down to sit on the bed, barely resisting the urge to curl up on it. Dorian turned around the seat by the fire to face her.

"How shall we do this?" he was asking. "Do you want to rest?"

Josephine shook her head, intending to stand up, but found herself unable to coerce her legs to actually move. "Dorian," she said. "Tell me the truth. Did Jan leave you here to watch over me?"

Dorian broke eye contact uncomfortably, and Josephine sighed. "It's fine."

Dorian stood up and said, "Well, I was hoping that you wouldn't insult my innate gallantry."

Josephine rolled her eyes at him and finally stood as well. "I trust that your 'innate gallantry' was the reason Jan entrusted me to you," and while it was a somewhat irritating thought, there was something a little comforting about it, too. Jan was reliably, annoyingly protective, even from afar.

Dorian smiled at her and then nodded toward her stomach. Josephine grimaced and nodded. She infrequently allowed anyone to touch her, and was not looking forward to it.

For the first few minutes, Dorian just stared, his arms slightly outstretched. Josephine squirmed under the attention, but reflected that it was better than if he was touching her.

She finally said, "Well? What do you see?"

"Hmm?" Dorian said, and then looked up at her, his eyes still slightly unfocused. "Oh, well, the aura of the child. Yours is dominant, but she is there, too, very simple, under the surface. If I didn't know better, I would have mistaken it for part of your aura, but there are bits and complexities within her's as well. It's beautiful, fresh, unique…" He trailed off and then stepped forward, placing his hands lightly on her stomach. "Eager," he finished, and closed his eyes.

This wasn't so bad. The feeling of being scrutinized was gone, and she couldn't even feel his hands touching her. After a time, he sighed a little, his face peaceful.

Finally he stepped back and opened his eyes. "Totally amazing," he said. "The baby is part of you and completely separate, connected but unique. She looks perfect, Josephine, like a miniature version of Jan. I don't think I would even have needed to look at that other baby; the two are very different, but not because of distortions. She seems, hmm, settled. She is utterly at home in this body, as Solas said would happen."

"Is - is there another spirit there? The original spirit, not the -"

"Demon?" Dorian prompted. "No, I don't think so, although," and here he looked thoughtful, "I don't think I've ever seen a possession without two spirits." He shrugged. "Not really my speciality, though. I would trust Solas' judgement on this one."

"Solas thinks that this is the best thing that's ever happened," Josephine complained, and sat back down on the bed. "He seems to think that this is going to change everyone's minds on spirits, and that my baby will be some, I don't know, savior for the misunderstood mages, that she'll be proof once and for all that spirits can be benevolent."

"Solas is an idealist," Dorian observed. "What about Morrigan? What does she think?"

Josephine shuddered. "Whenever she looks at me I just run away. She's awful."

"Leliana told me that she tried to convince the Warden to let her capture the Archdemon's spirit in a baby," Dorian said.

"I know," Josephine said.

"It seemed strange to me when she said it, like I was missing something," Dorian said.

"Because it would have prevented the Warden's death," Josephine explained carefully.

"So Leliana would have preferred that?"

"They were lovers, so yes, I think so," Josephine said.

"Oh," Dorian said, raising his eyebrows. He opened his mouth and then closed it. "Well."

"If it had happened, that baby would be a precedent to mine," Josephine observed.

"So I suppose that Morrigan would certainly know best in this case, wouldn't she?"

Josephine sighed and covered her face. "Fine, I will talk to her tomorrow. Meet me in the Great Hall at 10am."

She spent the rest of the day fretting about the meeting, and tried to distract herself from it by ploughing through the admittedly intimidating stack of correspondence they had received that day.

She fell asleep early, and woke up in the middle of the night, her core throbbing and wet. Frustrated, she tossed and turned for a few minutes wishing for Jan. Jan was many things to her now, too many things, but lover was still the first.

She imagined that Jan opened the door and came to her with dark eyes. She pressed open Josephine's legs and slid inside her. If Jan was here, Josephine would hold her head close against her heart and kiss her precious head. Her heart burned for her terribly.

She slipped her fingers under her clothing, around her belly to grip her core. She was so wet that she couldn't even distinguish the opening, and without thinking she slipped three fingers inside herself and cupped herself, heart beating rapidly. She rolled onto her back and rotated her hips, plunging her fingers even deeper, so that she could touch the soft top wall, and then she imagined that she was touching Jan. This was how Jan felt, open and ready. She twitched her hips up, and gasped at the sensation; she vaguely noted that her palm was pressed against her clit, and that her hand was able to contact her core all along its path. She thrust her hips up, reveling in the motion of thrusting and being penetrated, and then quickly climaxed, panting. Sleep found her a few minutes after that, her heartbeat calmed and the pulsing need inside her sated, for now.


	11. Chapter 11

Josephine woke up thinking of Jan. One of Josephine's own agents, a woman posted in Ostwick, had finally uncovered the mystery of Jan's mercenary name. "The Crusher," she had been called, and had an excellent reputation for honest dealings and high quality as a unit leader in her company, The Golden Asps. But the leaders of the Inquisition did not know the origin of her mercenary name. Finally they knew.

It was because her preferred method of execution was crushing men's skulls between her hands. Her agent had heard it in excruciating detail from a political opponent of the Inquisition, and hadn't known how to respond - whether to deny the accusation, or own it. Clearly, this wasn't common knowledge, but Josephine could not keep it under wraps, either. Her agents needed to know.

Somehow this last split image, Jan as a killer, refused to slide into place for Josephine. Death in the ferocity and violence of combat was one thing. She accepted it. But a cold-blooded execution, slow and brutal and deliberate? That was an entirely different matter. She remembered Jan sketching out the politics of Kirkwall in big, sloppy circles, the way she so easily endeared herself to the guard under her command, the quick wit she displayed in their War Table meetings, her tenderness in love, and then she tried to imagine Jan squeezing a man's head until his brains came out of his eye sockets and utterly failed.

She hadn't told Leliana yet. The conversation just seemed too hard, especially with Leliana still furious with Jan. Maybe she would tell her today.

Her mind turned to her parents, who had just sent a long and detailed letter about her brothers' latest missteps, presumably not knowing that Josephine had just made one of the most serious missteps of all. Josephine had not put anything on paper about the pregnancy yet, and would not until it was completed; she had already decided this. If anything went awry, it was without doubt better to have the option to deny that it had ever happened.

There was still a thought in the back of Josephine's mind that she should send the child the way of so many misbegotten children of nobles: into the servants' quarters to earn her keep. This was the simplest solution to the tangled web that Josephine found herself in; with no child to prompt questions, Josephine could renew her effort to reestablish the Montilyets in Orlais. Or, and this was both more and less appealing, she and Jan could live in the open at Skyhold until Corypheus was defeated, and then they could separate. Jan could keep their child, and Josephine would leverage the weight of her status in the Inquisition to vault fully into Orlesian politics, leaving Jan behind. This, of course, would probably be the result of any of Josephine's attempts to leave the child with servants; she had no doubt that Jan would retrieve the child and claim it. Josephine imagined living in Skyhold, estranged from both her lover and her baby, and her stomach churned.

Luckily, her line wasn't of particular consequence while she served as ambassador for the Inquisition. She should leave her options open and avoid directly implying that the child would be heir until the war played out as it would, lest she catch her parents in the desperate position of choosing between disowning Josephine, or acknowledging Jan's child as the heir of the Montilyets.

This was a subtlety: she would acknowledge that she had a daughter with Jan, but she wouldn't acknowledge whether it had noble blood or not. Technically, acknowledging that Jan was the child's parent did not confer nobility to the child, since Jan was not nobility, and they were not married. But the Inquisitor was another kind of blood entirely; it was very possible that upon the defeat of Corypheus, Jan would be elevated to nobility, despite her Qunari heritage. If Jan's parentage was at least recognized by the Orlesian court, declaring the child Josephine's heir would not be unreasonable, at least until she produced a legitimate heir; but the parentage would be assumed otherwise, _a la_ the Iron Bull, _unless_ they were married. If they were married, it would be a great slight to suggest any other parent - or it would be, if Jan was a man.

Attitudes were changing: hadn't Empress Celene stood in front of the entire court only last year, hand-in-hand with her longtime mistress? Josephine had no doubt that the jaunty Alistair would recognize them as a couple, and money bought recognition in Antiva, which left only the Chantry. If the newly departed Vivienne was chosen as the Divine, they had no chance. But Leliana?

And there was little that raw power could not solve; Jan's position as Inquisitor proved that. If Jan succeeded at closing the rift between worlds - if she defeated Corypheus? The clout that Jan would hold would be immense. Maybe enough to force the Orlesian court to recognize their marriage.

A thrill ran through her, as it did when she got to this point in the analysis. Of course, Josephine would never accept a proposal given in the attitude of Jan's. Perhaps once the baby was delivered, she would drop a hint to Jan about the proper way to propose. Josephine would not consider turning her down again.

Josephine groaned and slipped out of bed, swallowing the lump of excitement that had welled in her throat. There was no use running down this train of thought any longer; there were far too many unknowns, the greatest of which being whether her child was viable and healthy at all. She studied herself in the full-length mirror, noting the lines under her eyes, the thinness of her arms under the nightdress. The dress was stretched tight around her swollen belly; she had already acquired a few bigger ones, but wore this old one out of habit. Her belly was triple the size it was when Jan left, and the bruises had moved and changed over the weeks, but never faded. Its weight dragged her down when she stood, tugged her spine when she sat, and crushed her when she lay on her back.

The baby certainly looked like it was healthy; it was Josephine who wasted away, while the baby grew. Really, Josephine realized, despite some lingering doubts, she actually did believe Dorian's reading yesterday. She had finally stopped brooding over her fear about the child, and started planning for its arrival. The outlook was much brighter than it was yesterday morning, and it felt good.

She finally gave in to the persistent morning nausea and spent a few miserable minutes over an empty bucket. Then she brushed her teeth and changed into her usual garb, which hadn't required too much modification, and wrote Jan a short letter, touching on a few of the recent political developments and asking after her. She avoided mentioning the baby at all; Jan's letters were less frequent than hers, and discussed the baby in great detail, never neglecting to inquire about her health, or the status of the pregnancy. She had to burn every one of them.

The letter to Jan finished, she worked for a few more hours on various correspondence, writing up responses based on outlines she had put together the night before. With Jim falling so far behind, it was vital that Josephine put together appropriate responses to each of their correspondents; he could change the letters if he liked, but rarely did, and it would not do to have the Inquisition too far behind.

Josephine hoped that after Jan returned, she would be able to send out news of a high-profile alliance with the Grey Wardens. They were the last of the key players, and an alliance with them would cement the Inquisition's authority.

Finally, she set aside all the unfinished paperwork and gathered the drafted correspondence. She walked it over to Jim's desk and placed it in the center, right in front of where he would sit. This was as close to chiding him as she hoped she would come. Then she went to the staff tower and took the treacherous route, all the way up the stairs. She passed Dorian's lair, which was blessedly empty, and went up to the next level, where she found Leliana deeply engrossed in a map.

"Josephine!" Leliana said. "I haven't seen you for nearly a week!" She embraced her tightly, and then growled, "What is happening? This baby is consuming you."

Josephine rolled her eyes and settled next to Leliana, glad for the seat. "You know what's happening."

"Yes, but - have you eaten yet today?" Leliana was fussing, already digging through a nearby chest. "Here, can you have this bread?" The bread's hard crust scraped against the table as Leliana pulled out a knife and started hacking at it.

"Leliana, that must be a week old," Josephine protested.

"Hardly," Leliana protested, and then tried a slice. "Bleh. Let's get breakfast at the kitchens."

Josephine rubbed her face in exhaustion. "But I just walked all the way up here."

"Sorry," Leliana said, and again examined her, this time more carefully. "Let's get breakfast every day, then. At dawn, sharp."

"It's too early to eat," Josephine groaned. "I can't imagine eating right now."

"You're not eating enough. You're wasting away, sweetheart." Leliana's blue eyes flashed, and Josephine knew that she was about to start on Jan.

"OK, OK, let's go down to breakfast, then."

"Good." Leliana wrapped the bread back up neatly and nodded to her.

Josephine gave her letter to the raven keeper and then followed Leliana carefully back down the endless stairs to the lower level. They sat in a secluded corner of the gardens, far from where Morrigan prowled, and were distracted by a conversation about a specific bylaw of the Chantry for most of the meal. Josephine found that with food presented to her, she could conquer the nausea enough to eat it, and preferred the sweet tarts over everything else.

The morning air was crisp, and many of the garden plants had small piles of snow from the last night. Josephine idly watched the attendants as they brushed the snow off the plants, though it was clear that the effort was somewhat futile. A fine dusting of snow was already building up on a few of the plants. It was midwinter now, and the grounds required constant shoveling.

It was one of those rare moments in Josephine's life that she felt like she could speak frankly, so she decided to probe Leliana. "And what about Celene and Briala? Do you think that they might ever, well, wed?"

"It seems unlikely," Leliana replied immediately. "Celene has leveraged the power of her bachelordom to great effect; it would be a match with no advantage, and would cost her much."

"But the Chantry couldn't fail to recognize such a marriage, could it?"

Leliana stared at Josephine for a heartbeat too long, and Josephine knew her game was up. A grin grew on Leliana's face, and Josephine returned it with a certain relish.

"Well," Leliana started. "Celene is powerful. Not invincible, but very powerful. I do doubt that the Chantry would fail to recognize them; it would be a costly move. Did she really propose? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Josephine shrugged, choking down another tart. "It wasn't really a proposal," she said when she finished chewing. "More like, a 'should we?'" _And she said she loved me, and I believed it_ , she thought, but kept it to herself.

Leliana rolled her eyes and grabbed Josephine's forearm, scooting closer. "It always starts as a 'should we,' doesn't it?"

"I suppose," Josephine said. "After going through this for her, I would be… irritated if she didn't bring it up." She knew she was being unfair to Jan, but couldn't help herself. This complaining was why Leliana still hated Jan, clearly.

"Would you do it?" Leliana asked seriously. Only Leliana would ask such a question; only Leliana knew enough about Josephine's inner doubts - and the intricacies of lineage in Orlesian politics - to ask. Leliana was fiercely protective of Josephine and infinitely dubious of Jan's intentions, and it only occurred to Josephine now that perhaps the lack of a proposal was several strikes against Jan. She had expected a rebuttal against the idea that they might marry, or at least some form of protest. But Leliana was as enthusiastic as Josephine, and it was a welcome change.

"Probably," Josephine responded. "I don't know. Living in the Inquisition's headquarters together is one thing. What about the courts? What if Jan doesn't want to play The Game - what if she wants to settle down in Ferelden, at some farm?"

"Would that be so bad?" Leliana asked wistfully, and Josephine knew she was thinking of the Warden Alim.

"We haven't spoken of the future, Leliana. I have no idea what she would do. She might do whatever I wanted, really, but you saw how she was at the Ball."

"She hated it," Leliana agreed. "You can't blame her, the things they were saying behind her back."

"Loudly," Josephine agreed, and shrugged. "But I would like to reestablish in Orlais, which means having property in Val Royeaux."

"Indeed, but you could live in Antiva City, Kirkwall... Ostwick, even Starkhaven," Leliana said. "Plenty of Antivan houses who trade in Orlais have only a token presence in Val Royeaux." She grinned again at Josephine.

"I suppose there is no point in idle speculation," Josephine said. "Even if we were to solidify a bond, it would mean nothing if she - "

She left the last word unspoken, but Leliana heard it, and grew solemn. This is what had happened to Leliana, and the scenario played through both of their minds at once. "It is always a possibility," Leliana said finally. "Every day could be our last. There is no point in living in fear of the end."

"Yes, but it could be so damaging to go through the motions of a wedding, affirm the child as my heir, and then to lose Jan. I would remain the heir of the Montilyets only by association with Jan, or not at all; losing her would leave me with nothing."

Leliana nodded quietly, the dubiousness surrounding the circumstances of the child's birth hanging heavy but unspoken. "So you will wait."

"I have to," Josephine said.

"It will be a delicate balance, Josephine," Leliana said softly. "You will have to keep her close, but not so close that she might propose again. If you err on the side of distance, she might tire of you, or begin to doubt you. If you are too close, she will push for the marriage, and you will need to conjure an excuse not to begin planning - not to tell your parents, even. This with an infant that you have chosen not to hide. Every visitor will be a new explanation, a new challenge."

All of this was true, and Josephine hadn't really started processing the magnitude of what she had already suggested. "Perhaps it will be easier than that. Particularly when Jan is away. I will leave the infant in my room most of the time."

"For the introductions, certainly. But what of the dinners? It will be oppressive to keep the child hidden away, and the whole staff knows about it already. Rumor has already reached Val Royeaux, there is no point. And if Jan wishes to introduce you as her fiancée? It will be almost as bad as the marriage itself."

"Would it?" Josephine wondered out loud. It all hinged on whether the child would be pressed into presumed noble status in Orlais; this would force her parents' hand, and they would need to either disown her, or acknowledge the child. The closer they edged to the question, the more pressure would build, and it would become a scandal; so staying under the radar was essential. An engagement with the Inquisitor would certainly push against the threshold of attention, and it would put more pressure on the question of the child's nobility, since the Inquisitor had such a high profile. She sighed and said, "You're right. We can't do anything that would draw any additional attention with everything so... delicate."

Josephine thought of Jan, her sweet eyes, and imagined telling her the truth: that she could not marry her on the chance that she would die. No, that would never do. What could she say? Better, as Leliana said, to keep her at a distance, to make her doubt their closeness. Josephine had been so bitter and afraid before that they were already somewhat estranged, more distant on the journey back from Val Royeaux than they had been on the way there. If she could just keep her slightly farther away, at arm's distance... it would hurt Jan terribly.

But then, Jan had brought this on, accidentally or not. Perhaps Jan could use a little bit of hurt.

Either way, Josephine had gotten what she wanted - confirmation that her read of the match was accurate. The rest would, as Leliana had said, wait. Any number of things could go wrong along the way.


	12. Chapter 12

Dorian was in an animated debate with one of the visiting nobles from Orlais when Josephine went to retrieve him, and she stepped into their conversation without blinking an eye, bowing slightly to the man and turning her nose up at Dorian when he nodded at her.

"Lady Josephine," the man stuttered. The second son of Baron Arlange, and not deeply in Orlesian politics at all; Josephine was not intimidated in the slightest.

"Lord Eric," she responded brusquely. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

"No - no, not at all," Eric said, his eyes dropping to her stomach and then flying back up to her face. "We were just deciding between, I mean, I prefer tobacco from the Green Dales of Antiva, but he-"

"I was simply suggesting that he try a pipe of the local plant. It's more astringent, but fresher, and notably absent are the peppermint oils that seem to taint every last leaf of the Antivan tobacco." Dorian gave the noble a lascivious look, and Josephine suddenly wondered if Eric knew what he was getting into. "You can truly taste the full body of the leaf when you take it so close to home. Do you have an opinion, Lady Josephine?"

Josephine smirked and said, "Not at all. But do excuse us, ser - Dorian and I have an appointment to keep," and whisked Dorian away from Eric before the conversation could get any more suggestive. When they were out of earshot, Josephine muttered to Dorian, "You should choose something other than tobacco to lie blatantly about, Dorian. Antivan tobacco is characterized by the use of cloves, not peppermint."

Dorian sputtered. "I swear that I took Antivan tobacco with peppermint once," he said. "Anyway, I was about to set a date. I already have a place in mind, a nice little -"

"Seduce boys on your own time, Dorian," Josephine said.

"You were nearly half an hour late," Dorian protested, and they were at the gardens. Josephine shushed him and checked around the edge of the garden cautiously, but Leliana was already gone. A rush of nerves assaulted Josephine when she spotted Morrigan squatting near the roots of some bushes on the edge of the gardens. She steeled herself and stepped forward.

She was about to clear her throat when Morrigan spoke, her voice a husky growl as her fingers worked in the earth. "If you wish for comfort, or any validation of your hopes, you have come on the wrong day. Come back on Tuesday."

Josephine stood her ground. "I want truth, witch," she said, and the use of Morrigan's title made Morrigan twitch and glance over her shoulder. Their eyes met in a flash, and then Morrigan turned back to the root.

"Not a drop of magic in her, but the binding was flawless." She sliced the root with a knife and then brushed it off, sighing. "I suppose it doesn't matter." She stood, facing Josephine and Dorian, who stood a pace behind.

"There are a few facts you should be made aware of, Ambassador. The most important is this: you are so far out of your depth that you cannot hope to understand what has occurred, so do not even bother to try. The spirit you are dealing with is ancient, wise, and more powerful than you could ever know. Take care in your custody of it, for though the spirit will be well-constrained by the mortal coil, as it grows 'twill perceive and understand in a way far beyond your comprehension; and while it appears, by some strange miracle, to have chosen you - at its essence it shall always be fulfilling its purpose, as do all spirits."

"We all fulfill our purposes, Morrigan," Dorian growled, and Morrigan flashed a look at him.

"Certainly," Morrigan purred. "Here is one last thing you need to know. This spirit is driven to understand mortality. It can be corrupted, to be sure, but many things it might do, which would indicate evil in any other spirit, will not be corruption in this one. To understand mortality is to understand mortals in all our wickedness, and by all our virtues as well."

"It's a spirit of _curiosity about mortals?_ " Dorian scoffed.

Morrigan ignored him, staring intently at Josephine. "'Twilll be a difficult moment, but when the spirit understands that in death we are _changed_ but not _gone_ , it will either accept this rationally, or it will lose its purpose and fall into either indifference or cruelty. 'Tis your job to help it understand that _change_ is the definition of mortality, not death itself. I don't know when this will happen, but you should start teaching this lesson immediately. Have you heard the tale of Tal the Beetle?"

When Josephine nodded, Morrigan said, "Tell the tale often and long. You can even tell the spirit, 'Mortality is change.' It will not understand the words, for it does not know what its purpose in this life is. But in the moment of crisis, perhaps it will remember." Morrigan sighed and her attention drifted. "It is well that you came here, for this has been a great distraction to me. Leave now," she casually commanded.

"But - can I ask you one thing," Josephine said. "If the spirit had possessed me, it would have had to contend with my own spirit as well. Is that - is there another spirit, or is the dem - the curiosity spirit the only one?"

"The demon?" Morrigan actually chuckled. "This is different from a possession, and yet different from a manifestation. If the child had existed before the spirit inhabited it, there would have been a chance that it would have attracted a mortal spirit. It takes some time for that to happen, though, and there was no time."

"Attracted a mortal spirit?" Josephine asked. The Maker brought the souls of the faithful with him when they died; it followed that souls were made with the mortal, or else the mortal souls that prowled the Fade were not sinners, but simply not attached to any mortal at the moment. Or were they sinners, and every baby was born with the soul of a sinner?

Morrigan gave her a measured look. "The Chant of Light was written for the common folk, not for those who walk the Fade. You will find that many of the details don't quite line up, and you will either accept the Chant in its essence but not its details, like Leliana, or you will discover that your faith cannot withstand the battering of facts, and find another path. Anything else?"

"No. But thank you." Josephine said, and beat a hasty retreat. She had a lot to think about. She told Dorian that he could go back to his conversation with Eric, and he broke from her on their way through the Great Hall.

She found herself slipping through the door to Jan's quarters and followed the stairs up to her tower, unlocking the final door. Sunlight poured through the chamber. It was always much more cheerful here, she reflected, and she laid down on Jan's bed. She could have stayed here when Jan left, but she felt like an intruder in the Inquisitor's quarters. It was also a very tall tower, and not well-travelled; it might have been a risk, and any risk was not worthwhile.

She pressed her face against Jan's pillow, imagining that she could smell Jan on it. This is where they had spent nearly all their time together, and the memories came back in a rush. She was suddenly suffocated with affection and helpless longing, and rather than suppress the feelings she let them wash over her in waves.

She knew rationally that all of this was not Jan's fault. If Josephine had not lusted after the Inquisitor, she was confident that the affair would never have developed. Certainly Josephine had been the one that escalated their relationship beyond the merely emotional, thus unintentionally inviting the spirit into her womb. And it was true: at the moment that the rift had opened, there was nothing that Josephine would have desired more than a baby - Jan's baby, a child of love. It was probably more Josephine's fault than anyone's, and so it was more than fair that the consequences would impact her more than Jan.

She thought back about what Morrigan had said about the baby. Now that the spectre of Vivienne's imagination was banished, Josephine had nearly forgotten that this baby was in reality still a spirit. She had imagined, while talking only this morning with Leliana, that the baby was what they would tell the world: a magical accident that caused their flesh to be intermingled, not a spirit from the Fade. The spirit was so different from a baby that all their decisions about it should be different, too.

Josephine's plans of rebuilding her house's fleet and dominating trade with Orlais were suddenly petty and small. There was no way she could abandon this spirit to find its own way; for better or for worse, the spirit was her responsibility. If Jan wanted to be involved, it would only be a help to Josephine. And if she died a hero, wouldn't it only be an asset to have solidified her parentage?

Josephine felt a shifting twinge in her stomach. The baby, although it was large, did not move very much, but the flutters were becoming more frequent in the past week. It was easy to forget that there was an independent body inside hers, but the flutters of movement made it seem so much more real. She thought about the spirit in the Fade, and imagined that the baby was gray-skinned and brown-eyed, a tiny version of Jan but with the thick brown locks of a child of Antiva. If the spirit's appearance in the Fade was accurate, there was no denying Jan's claim of parentage; the face, high-cheeked and fine, with a square jaw and big, expressive eyes… The Iron Bull's face was completely different from Jan's, from his flaring, aquiline nostrils to his pointy chin and strange ears. And the horns, although Josephine had no idea whether the horns were heritable, certainly their horn shapes were different too. If she stood completely behind Jan's claim, and they married, wouldn't it just be easier to acknowledge the child as her heir? She had no doubt, for a brief moment, that her parents would accept the Inquisitor's child.

Would they? Her doubts returned in full force. If Jan died, would her legacy persist long enough for Josephine to carve out a livelihood, or would her sacrifice be quickly forgotten? If she died before becoming a noble, would Josephine's daughter's claim stand?

Josephine napped on Jan's bed, the questions roiling in her mind, most of them unanswered. When she awoke, she went downstairs and checked with Jim, finding an unexpected - and unwanted - piece of correspondence from her parents. It seemed that her suspicions were correct, and news of her pregnancy had not reached Antiva yet.

Or worse, perhaps it had, and her parents were giving her an 'out.' Lord Adorno Ciel Otranto of Antiva… the name certainly didn't ring a bell. Perhaps her parents had offered him a great sum of money to accept her as a match. None of this could be hinted at in correspondence, of course.

It seemed that it was time to press her parents into visiting Skyhold. By the time they arrived, the baby would already be born. In the meantime, the betrothal would need to stand. The matter was far too sensitive to leave a paper trail behind.

Josephine considered the news, and as she did so the sinking feeling in her heart only magnified. While the engagement still stood, she could never be so disrespectful as to continue her love affair with Jan. The news would force her hand. She would have to push Jan away regardless of her plan to acknowledge the child, address the issue in strict confidence with her parents, and likely negotiate an understanding with the Lord Otranto. Anything less circumspect would be an affront to her parents and to the Lord, and it would reflect poorly on the reputation of Jan herself, however Jan felt about the matter. If Lord Otranto had accepted the engagement with full knowledge of Josephine's condition, which Josephine needed to assume was the case, he would require a very delicate touch.

Josephine spent the next week brooding over the issue, writing out the various scenarios in a coded shorthand, but regardless of the details the outcome remained the same. The root of the problem was that she neglected to communicate with her parents about her affair with Jan and her pregnancy, and now she was paying for it. She had thought that she would have more time than she really did.


	13. Chapter 13

A week passed, and Josephine had still not conjured a solution to the mixed problems of her parents and the Lord Otranto. She had drafted five versions of the letter to her parents, none of which she was happy with.

But the Inquisition forces had sent word: They had started the long trek back from Adamant, and Jan was moving separately from the main body of their forces. She could arrive any day now; the ravens they sent from Skyhold had begun returning with her letters unopened, which meant that Jan was probably already in the Frostbacks.

So Josephine would wait to see what came of her conversation with Jan before she contacted her parents. It was an agonizing wait.

She had just finished drafting her sixth version of the letter, fighting off exhaustion in the late hours of the afternoon, when Jan burst into her chamber. The sight of her lover was a welcome one, and Josephine set aside her scheme in the flush of the reunion.

Annie was in the room, but bowed to Jan and left immediately, the sheets left partially folded in the corner. "Josephine," Jan said, voice caught. "How are you?"

Josephine surveyed the situation, realizing that it didn't look terribly good. She was in bed already, bundled in blankets and her nightdress, and felt no desire to rise whatever.

"Fine," she reported, deciding to hedge. "Take off your clothes and come here." Jan closed the door and complacently took off her clothes, her hands shaking a little.

"Why did you move down here?" Jan asked.

"It's too hard to move around on the main level," Josephine said shortly. Jan scrambled into Josephine's bed and caressed her, eyes bright, and her loving touch was so welcome that Josephine melted into her, her body already hot with all the unfulfilled need of the past few months. She took Jan's hand and moved it over the swell of her belly, underneath her clothes, and Jan gasped. The skin was ridged with stretch marks and felt paper-thin, stretched tight. Jan looked up at Josephine and smiled, and a little tension in Josephine eased.

"She's healthy," Jan murmured, kissing Josephine softly, and Josephine kissed her back with ferocity. Jan pulled away and considered her with a seriousness that did not match Josephine's mood. "I love you, Josephine. I am not going to leave you like that again."

The statement was not something Josephine wanted to address at the moment; it opened the question of how Josephine would deal with the engagement, her parents and the lineage, everything. "I haven't been fucked for two months," Josephine whispered back. "I need you _now_."

Jan's eyes softened and she kissed Josephine in the proper way. She grabbed Josephine's nipple tightly and with her other hand propped herself up, trying to negotiate herself above Josephine's enormous belly. Josephine pushed her down and turned slightly sideways, taking Jan's hand and running it back down her belly, to plunge into her deep wetness. "Don't be gentle." She kept the covers up, hoping that Jan would ignore the intrusive swell of her belly and focus completely on her cunt.

Jan wasn't gentle at all, which was a welcome relief. Halfway through their tryst, Josephine reached out with greedy hands and penetrated Jan, something that she had never tried before. Jan was very wet, and when Josephine worked her fingers into her panties Jan reared up, throwing the covers off them completely. Then she stopped what she was doing for a second and just looked at Josephine, one of the looks that always made Josephine squirm.

"Oh, don't stop," Josephine begged.

"You're so full already," Jan said, voice gruff. _She thinks that my body is sexy,_ Josephine realized, and it was a good feeling.

"Mmm, I want more, oh Jan, give me more of you. I can take it, I need - everything -" her voice broke off as Jan thrust into her, hard. She returned the movement, finding it much easier to reach with Jan's body closer to vertical. Jan had put her hand on the headboard, but in a few moments she moaned and crumpled back down onto Josephine, her face peaceful in bliss. Josephine pulled her sodden fingers out of Jan and clutched her back, giving her a chance to recover. Her fingers in Josephine had stilled.

Josephine was still panting, and when Jan moved her fingers again she said immediately, "Harder, Jan, more."

Jan pulled away and made eye contact with her. "I am going to fill you up completely, baby. You are going to be so full that you can't take any more," and Josephine believed that she would. Her world narrowed to the deep thrusts of Jan's fingers, and then she spasmed, climaxing.

"Oh, that was sexy," Jan gasped, and Josephine pulled her down to her, her whole body shaking.

"I am going to need that at least three times a day," Josephine said, the words slipping out before she thought about it. _Crap,_ she thought immediately, and tried to think of a way to retract the statement. Jan actually needed to leave about now; they couldn't be together like this for very long, not any more.

Jan was running her finger along the bottom of Josephine's ribs, where a ring of bruises had settled. "What is this?" she said solemnly.

Josephine frowned and followed her gaze. "Kicking," she said after a moment. Jan looked devastated and confused, but with her passions sated momentarily, Josephine was back to the problem of her parents. There was nothing to say about the bruises; she was just lucky the ones on her left side had faded into her skin before Jan could agonize over them, too.

"Jan, my parents have done something that is not going to make sense to you. Just let me explain," Josephine said, and propped her head up on her hand. Jan nodded and put her arm gently around Josephine's back, rubbing her skin in an unconscious attempt at comfort. Their legs were intertwined, which Josephine realized was the most amazing thing she had ever experienced.

She reached out and touched Jan's face, gingerly tracing a hairline-thin scar that ran along the side of her cheek. "This is new," she said quietly.

"I can't remember," Jan said, and Josephine believed it.

"What happened with the Wardens?"

"What did your parents do, Josephine?" Jan parried.

"Official business first," Josephine insisted, and Jan sighed.

"They have been agents of Corypheus all this time, but nearly all those who were culpable have died. I have invited the Wardens who remain in Orlais to join the Inquisition, like you wanted, but -" she shook her head. "They will be a liability."

"We thought the mages would be a liability, love, but they have been nothing but an asset," Josephine reminded her, secretly berating herself for the slip. Would she not learn her own story before she told it?

"The being I touched in the Breach was the spirit of the Divine. I was able to recover most of my memories of what happened. It seems that the Anchor is a tool Corypheus planned to use to leverage the power of the Rifts, which we already kind of knew."

"You spoke with the Divine?" Josephine repeated, overawed.

Jan shrugged and lowered her eyes. "Or a spirit in her form, I guess, maybe?"

"But you didn't get any more information about the Anchor, did you?"

Jan shook her head. "More later. Please tell me about your parents now, Josephine."

Josephine quirked her mouth and leaned her head against Jan's brow. This was it - the moment that she had to decide between giving completely over to a future that depended entirely on Jan, or protecting herself from the possibility of Jan's downfall. Wasn't the future already dependent on Jan? What would the world look like if Jan failed in her path? Josephine's heart was burning with Jan's closeness, and she had suddenly conjured a million reasons not to push Jan away.

"My parents don't know that we are involved, Jan. And they do not know about the baby," she started. Jan's hand on her back had stilled, and before Josephine knew it she was kissing Jan's forehead, and all around her face. She let her fingers caress Jan's head and kissed Jan's lips, and then she realized that she had started trying to comfort Jan and that their roles had reversed, and stopped.

"They have been looking for a suitable match for me for the past, I don't know, year or two. It seems they have found one they deem suitable."

"What does it mean, Josephine?" Jan said quietly.

"I am betrothed to a noble in Antiva. So, I must meet with my parents and discuss the betrothal, the terms, our current situation…"

"You're leaving?" Jan asked in confusion.

"No, not leaving," Josephine caught herself caressing Jan's face and stopped herself again. "I am asking my parents to come here. The situation is unbelievably delicate. I could be portrayed as a - had I been betrothed to him five months ago, the scandal would be immense. Since it is now, he will likely feel it is his responsibility to wait a few months and then, like a gentleman, either express his continued interest or bow out of the engagement."

"Continued interest? But we are - aren't we - "

"An affair with you…" Josephine struggled to conjure the words that would explain how the Lord Otranto would view their relationship. "At this point in time," she said, leaving open the possibility of a change in circumstance, "my eligibility has not changed very much in Antiva."

Jan's hand around her back clutched into a fist. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked finally.

"The Antivan court will just assume that it is an affair of passion, or perhaps a political maneuver," Josephine tried again. "That is always the assumption, when -" she cut herself off before the word "common" came out. "That is why I need to handle the situation carefully. I need to speak with my parents in confidence about the engagement and about the baby, and we need to move together to gracefully break it off without embarrassment."

"So it _is_ me," Jan said, and her eyes were watery now.

"Not at all," Josephine protested. "It is because I am betrothed by my parents, Jan. My fate has been officially tied to this stranger's, and it is no easy feat to break that."

"But _we_ are going to marry," Jan said, her voice breaking a little. Josephine winced, and then regretted it. "Weren't we?" Jan asked immediately, a strange harshness in her tone. "I thought that -"

Josephine shushed her by putting a finger on her lips, and then replaced the finger with her own lips. Jan pulled away from the kiss, studying Josephine's face. "What is happening?" Jan asked when Josephine didn't speak.

"We _could_ marry," Josephine said carefully. "You have to understand that our connection means nothing in the Antivan court until we _are_ engaged, and right now I am engaged to someone else."

"But we have a baby," Jan said. "This is insanity."

Josephine shook her head. "Even after this baby is born, it will not break my engagement."

"So he would marry you and take our baby with you? Who in their right mind would do that? Who is this guy?"

Josephine felt her temper flare, and took a deep breath to control it. "Orlais and Antiva have survived this long as civilizations because the nobility have made careful alliances by blood, which are ruled by marriage. Just because this seems overly complicated or obtuse to you does not mean it is not real."

"Orlais and Antiva have survived this long because of the toil of their farmers and the steel of their armies," Jan countered heatedly.

"I am not disagreeing with you," Josephine said, trying to calm her. Her fist was pressing against Josephine's back uncomfortably. "And I'm not saying that is something he _will_ do. It is simply something he _could_ do, so we need to plan around that possibility."

"Fine," Jan said, and the pressure on Josephine's back eased.

"Until the engagement issue is dealt with, it would be very inappropriate for us to be found in a compromising situation," Josephine dealt the final blow.

"No." Jan got out of the bed, taking a few strides to the far wall and then pounding both of her fists on it. The stone made no sound. After a long silence, she said, "Do you even know who this man is?"

"I've never heard of him," Josephine said carefully. The long sinewy muscles of Jan's back were all bunched up, which was both sexy and a little scary.

"Some idiotic nobleman in Antiva has stolen you away from me without even trying," Jan grated out, and then spun around and looked at Josephine. "This is ridiculous. You were staying in my room when I left, and now you're down here and apparently I can't even see you alone?"

Josephine adjusted her nightdress and then slipped out of bed, putting her hand on Jan's chest above her heart. "Sometimes, maybe, if people are busy and not watching, we can sneak away," she suggested carefully. Jan watched her without expression, her stance stiff. "You will always be able to see the baby," she added, but Jan had already turned again and paced to the wall close to the head of the bed, facing it down. "Jan, you're scaring me."

"I am getting the feeling," Jan said finally, "that a number of the things I believed were wrong. What were we, before this? To you?" She turned back to face Josephine.

"We were lovers," Josephine said, and now it was her eyes that were tearing.

"Was it an affair or a - what did you say - a political maneuver? It seems like you're not trying very hard to turn down this Lord Otranto, Josephine," Jan said bitterly. "Just tell him _we_ are engaged, so you're not available."

Josephine took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "I -" she started, and then bit her lip and tried to think. She sat down on the edge of the bed. It was vaguely plausible that she could have accepted a proposal from Jan before receiving the notification from her parents, although now that a week had passed it had begun to be a stretch. She could say that the messenger had been delayed. _So noble blood be damned, I suppose,_ she thought. If Jan failed, it would be more than the Montilyet line that suffered because of it.

This was it. If they announced a betrothal, Josephine would effectively be acknowledging her daughter as her heir, and her parents would have to decide whether they would support her claim. Without meeting Jan, based solely on her reputation and likely Yvette's impression of her, they would have to stake their line on the supposedly magical offspring of a Qunari. A terrible position to be in. The baby hadn't even been safely delivered. Josephine could die in labor and they might have to accept the Qunari half-breed baby as a direct line. This could well and truly mean the end of the Montilyets. Or they would have to disown Josephine herself; Josephine could not decide if that would be better or worse.

Jan dropped to her knees, eyes level with Josephine's, and put her hands on Josephine's thighs. "There is obviously something I am not understanding," she said, her voice back to its normal, syrupy tone.

Josephine closed her eyes and put her hands over her face. "If I was the second daughter this would be an entirely different conversation," she said, voice muffled.

"This is about the Montilyet line," Jan realized aloud, and then was silent for a few heartbeats. "But I thought that our daughter would automatically be - what is it -"

"Heir," Josephine provided. She blew out a heavy sigh and put her hands down, meeting Jan's eyes. "She's an illegitimate daughter, so no. If you were nobility, and we married, yes. Since you're Inquisitor, maybe we could carve something out, but there is the huge question of how the child was conceived that will make this an uphill battle. If we did not marry, the child would be overlooked. But if we announce an engagement, suddenly everyone will wonder if the child will be heir. Since there is so much ambiguity, my parents will need to either disown me, or openly acknowledge the baby as part of their line. This will all snowball quickly, Jan. And the baby isn't even born yet."

"Oh," Jan said, and looked thoughtful. _The truth will out,_ Josephine thought ruefully. It was not a perfect approach, but it was better than the deceit that Leliana had suggested. And she had managed to capture nearly all of the details without mentioning the precariousness of the position even after she married Jan, _or_ the fact that even if they didn't marry, there was still the possibility of the child becoming her heir anyway, as her only child. _That_ problem had slipped into a slippery irrelevance; the betrothal had accelerated the timeline substantially.

Regardless, it seemed like she had managed to express the complexity of the problem to Jan, who was still thinking. Finally she said, "So it's not really about the man you're set to marry. It's about our baby."

Josephine nodded miserably. "I could ask my parents to disown me, and then we could do whatever we wanted. I was thinking that might be easier -"

Jan was already shaking her head. "This is your whole life, Josephine. Don't even consider it." She sighed and held Josephine's hands in hers. "OK, can you explain this one more time to me? Tell me your plan."

"OK," Josephine said, gathering her scattered thoughts. "I invite my parents here. Their journey will take two months. I will deliver the baby and hopefully we will all be fine."

"I will live upstairs, and you down here?"

Josephine nodded slowly. "We will see each other at social engagements, and - hush -" she interrupted herself, and bent to kiss Jan's forehead. "You will visit the baby, and we will find time for ourselves, I promise."

"But I can't sleep in the same bed as you," Jan said.

"Correct," Josephine said. "When my parents get here, we will tell them everything. They will see the baby and understand the situation much more acutely than they would have if I had explained in a letter. And then they will tell me the circumstances under which the Lord accepted the betrothal, and we will craft a graceful decline that causes no embarrassment. After that, we can decide when to announce," she took an unconscious breath, " _our_ engagement."

"We wait to announce it because we don't want to pressure your parents into an politically dangerous situation."

"Yes," Josephine said. "We have a whole lifetime to do this, Jan. You are busy, I will be very busy with the baby and with all our ambassadorial responsibilities…"

"But your parents won't be promising you to anyone else in the meantime."

"They wouldn't," Josephine agreed, smiling. Jan gave her a watery smile back and kissed her. "Lay down here," Josephine murmured, and Jan did, propping herself up against the headboard, which creaked under her bulk. Josephine stroked her naked torso and then settled against it, curling up her body a little bit sideways against her. She rubbed Jan's legs and then ran her hand up her torso to cup her breast, and then around again down her arm, gripping her hand in a mockery of a handshake before moving back to her thigh and starting the circuit again. Jan seemed to feel the same way, running her hands all over Josephine's body in an unceasing caress. The soft stroking movements of Jan's hands soothed away the grating unrest of their conversation, and Josephine remembered how much she missed those touches. It seemed like such a small thing to miss, in everything that their relationship was, but it was somehow the sweetest moment of their reunion.

Josephine could tell that Jan was anxious, and waited patiently for the words to come. "I _do_ love you, Josephine," Jan said finally, and Josephine sighed. Jan had done very well at the end of it all, and she deserved some response.

"I - there are too many things happening, all of which I need to deal with, Jan. When we first started, I really did think I loved you. The perfect form that I chose, unknowingly, for this baby to take - it is yours. I absolutely need you, I can feel it straight through me. I need your arms around me, your smile, your kiss… But I do not know if I love you. The rest of what is happening is too strong for me to distinguish love, out of all of this."

Jan nodded. "I can accept that," she said, stroking Josephine's hair. Tears had again welled in her eyes, but she beat them away and continued. "I feel like I was not here for you when you did need me - I only wish we'd had more time, or that Corypheus was dead, or that someone else could deal with him. I don't have time for him, not with you and… our daughter."

"I must share you with the world, Jan, for now," said Josephine. "I would like to give you something to fight for, at least."

Jan tipped Josephine's head back and gave her a kiss, one that started gently and left Josephine panting by its end. Jan said, "You do," and slipped her hand down Josephine's body to squeeze her ass. Josephine turned fully on her back and opened her legs, arching her back against Jan's breasts, and Jan cupped her core in one hand, cradling Josephine's body with her other arm.

"Yes," Josephine panted, her passion suddenly flaring. "Oh, yes," she said again, waiting impatiently for whatever Jan was doing. Jan had her face against Josephine's neck and was just breathing, hot and heavy but motionless.

"Jan, I need you." When that didn't provoke a response, she said, "Inside me, baby," and Jan moaned into her ear and slipped two fingers into Josephine.

Josephine fell backwards into Jan's arm, and Jan gripped her securely and pressed her fingers inside. It was almost like touching herself, but it was Jan inside her, which was infinitely better. She ground down on Jan's palm and arched her back, and Jan leaned in over her body slightly and stroked her solidly, making Josephine shake. "Oh, I need you to do this," Josephine gasped, and then she sat up and pressed her back against Jan's chest. Jan's fingers slipped out slightly with the movement, but with Josephine's body pressed against her stomach Jan had much better access, and she leveraged her fingers deeper inside Josephine, panting against her back. Josephine cried out and thrust her hips against the pressure, and Jan grunted in what might have been frustration.

Josephine kept thrusting against Jan's fingers, and then Jan understood and kept her fingers still so Josephine could ride them. "Yes, that's it," Josephine said, and started pounding herself down into Jan's curled fingers, grinding her clit against Jan and thrusting so that her fingers went deep inside. When she slowed, Jan gave a few deep strokes, and then Josephine's body gave in to the pleasure and started to climax.

It was long for a second climax, and when it was over Josephine collapsed against Jan and clutched her shakily. "See? I need you. What would I have done if you hadn't given me," she gasped for more air, "your fingers? I would have died."

Jan chuckled and kissed a trail up Josephine's neck. "I can't share you, Josephine," she said solemnly when the trail had met its end at Josephine's ear. "I can pretend, but," she was also breathing heavily, but Josephine suspected it was not the exertion. "If this lord does not give up his claim over you, I will kill him."

Josephine shook her head shakily. "Jan, the Inquisition needs you. You can't be running off hunting down any suitors I might have from neighboring countries. And I am sure that he will be reasonable. You don't need to be like this."

"He has taken you away from me, and I just -" Jan stopped, but her eyes were smoldering.

"I know what you need," Josephine observed, but Jan shook her head when she reached lower.

"You can stake your claim, but I can't?" Josephine pouted.

"I just need to hold you, Josephine. Let me have this," Jan said quietly, and she did hold her, and stroke her, and kiss her hair and lips and face until Josephine insisted that it must be dark and they needed to put in an appearance at dinner.

Josephine made Jan leave first, and when she slipped into the dining hall the meal had already progressed to its final course. She slipped into an empty chair near the end of the main table, where the talk had become rowdy. Varric was telling a loud story to the group, but nobody was listening to the story except Cassandra, who was rapt. Leliana had managed to sidle into a position just next to the Inquisitor, and was quietly murmuring to Jan, who only nodded and scowled.

Jan had seen Josephine enter, and she watched her with expressionless eyes as she made meaningless small talk with the returning circle of Jan's companions, and Blackwall in particular. The change that the news had made in Jan was not a particularly pleasant one, but it would only be a few months before they could be together in words as well as practice. Josephine would just have to wait to have the sweet, bright Jan back again, and in the meantime sate the brooding wreck of a woman that stared her down now from across the table and a world away.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Josephine woke alone before the sun came up and missed Jan. The nausea didn't come that morning, and she dressed early, making her way to the mess hall for breakfast with a great stack of correspondence. The staff was bustling, and there were just a few warm biscuits on the table when she arrived; she made a point to flag one of the boys down and let them know she wouldn't eat until sunrise. She took tea and worked on a few letters while she waited for Leliana, finding the environment oddly stimulating. The energy of a new day was fresh with the staff, and she found herself flying through her stack of letters, invigorated.

Leliana jolted her away from her work; she hadn't noticed her approach. The rays of the morning sun cut across her hooded face as Leliana considered Josephine.

"What did you tell her?" Leliana asked her after a long moment.

"Everything," Josephine admitted, somewhat sheepishly.

"Good," Leliana decided, her eyes ranging around the mostly empty room.

"I couldn't pretend with her, Leliana," Josephine tried to explain. "I think she understands."

"I am certain that she does not," Leliana said. "Regardless, it is for the best that you told her. Hopefully she will continue to 'understand' until you're able to break the engagement. When are your parents coming?"

"I waited to respond to them until I spoke with Jan," Josephine said, and dug a letter out of the pile. "What do you think?"

Leliana took the parchment with her gloved hands and read it quickly, her eyes flitting. Josephine waited anxiously until she had finished and nodded her approval. "It's too sensitive a subject to discuss in a letter, but I think you made the import of the message clear enough. They should leave immediately."

"It will take seven weeks for them to arrive," Josephine said, her stomach turning in anxiety.

"Seven weeks should be enough." Leliana regarded her for a few moments. "Right?"

"I think so," Josephine said, her stomach turning again. The dizzy nausea came suddenly, and she turned away from the table, holding her mouth tightly with her hand before she was able to dispel it. "I think I need to -"

Leliana was already at her side, helping her stand and move to the nearest toilet. It was on the closer side of the kitchens, and outfitted with a filthy chair-and-bucket combination. Leliana pulled the bucket from under the chair and held Josephine's hair, and hand, as she knelt over it and threw up the biscuit and all the tea.

"I thought you were supposed to be done with this," Leliana said when she finished.

"I don't know," Josephine said as she wiped her eyes and then her lips with a handkerchief, wishing for water.

"I think you're supposed to be done with this," Leliana repeated in a tone that Josephine hadn't heard before. She helped Josephine up, kicking the bucket back under the chair.

"If only," Josephine murmured. The mess hall was busier, now; Josephine hurried over to her work and scooped it into a pile, hoping that none of the visiting nobles had pried into it. Leliana slipped through the crowd with grace, depositing a pile of the sweet tarts on Josephine's plate.

They made small talk for the rest of the breakfast, and Josephine held down the food without difficulty. When they finished, Josephine said, "Leliana, will you tell Jan that I will be working in the gazebo today?"

Leliana regarded her, eyes simmering. "I will tell her," she said, after a pause.

Josephine reached over and squeezed Leliana's hand, and Leliana's eyes softened a little. "I hate what this baby is doing to you, Josephine," Leliana said finally.

"You didn't see her," Josephine said. "When you see her, you'll understand how much she's worth."

Leliana's hand fluttered in an unconscious dismissal. "Jan's baby is not worth this."

"She's my baby, too," Josephine said, and Leliana looked down at the table, grim.

"That's the only reason I have let this stand," Leliana finally said, tracing the lines in the wood with the tips of her fingers. Josephine stood, gathering her papers up in her hands, and left Leliana to consider the wood.

* * *

At the war table meeting that afternoon, Leliana was uncharacteristically quiet. Jan was late, and avoided looking at Josephine when she entered, sliding into her seat.

"Does anyone want to get Jim?" Cullen asked. Josephine shrugged; Jim had been an unhelpful participant in a few war table meetings, and would likely just sulk for this one, too. As Jan planned to do, it seemed.

"Guess not. Well, we have almost ended operations in Denerim," Cullen said proudly, and Leliana inclined her head from her chair. Jan continued staring straight ahead, in the middle distance above their miniatures map.

"I would have to admit that your solution, Josephine, was an excellent one," he continued, and Jan stirred, looking up at Cullen with a disinterested expression. "The rogue mages were well-established in the fortification; it would have cost many, many lives to take it, and that would have impacted our success at Adamant. Providing cash compensation and winning the rogues over to our side by offering them an unconditional pardon proved very effective."

"That is excellent news," Josephine said, trying to paper over Jan and Leliana's distraction. "And the rebel leader has been dealt with?"

"He ran. Many of the acolytes that we recovered suggested that he was probably going to try to find this Anders figure, the apostate who blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall."

"Any ideas where he might be?" Josephine asked the group.

"Varric probably knows," Jan rumbled from her seat.

Cullen scoffed at that. "Of course, he knows. Whether he will tell us…"

Leliana said, "I heard that he fled to the Anderfels."

"Maybe Hawke will meet him there and bring him to us," Jan suggested dryly, and Josephine laughed. Jan's eyes jumped up to meet hers, and then dropped back down to Jan's lap. _Leliana is right,_ Josephine realized. _She does not understand at all._

"Josephine, can you tell us about the situation in Kirkwall?"

Josephine stayed seated; after they had introduced chairs into the war room, she had entirely stopped standing during their meetings. "After we pulled Cassandra and Varric out to help with the assault on Adamant, the situation started to deteriorate. With the help of our administrators, Dan and Jacob, Captain Vallen has evacuated Darktown and burned the buildings to the ground. Jacob says that the residents were not furnished with adequate housing, however, and unrest continues."

Jan tisked. "We should have left one or both of them there," she said sharply. Cullen gave Leliana a sidelong glance and cleared his throat.

"It wouldn't have done any good," Josephine said. Cullen had pulled Cassandra and Varric out of Kirkwall without consulting Jan; the military effort was certainly more essential than the evacuation of the lowlifes living in Darktown, but Jan did not see it that way.

"I suppose we should send them back, then?" Cullen suggested. It was only about a week and a half to Kirkwall in fair weather.

Jan nodded stiffly, and Cullen took a note on a small paper.

"And the assault on Adamant? I know that you are aware of the details, Cullen, but Leliana and I have been waiting."

Cullen sat down finally, and it was a long moment before Jan responded to Josephine's prompt. Her attitude was grating, but the summary was concise and clearheaded, which made Josephine hope that it was just her mood that had soured, and that the storm would pass.

* * *

The storm did not pass. When Jan was not working with Josephine in the gazebo, she paced the grounds endlessly, brooding. Leliana told Josephine this morning that the staff was complaining of Jan's nightly patrols through the castle grounds, and Josephine was not surprised at all; Jan had been waking late, meeting her for work in the afternoon. Whenever she left Josephine's room, she was a ball of tension, no matter what Josephine did to calm her.

When they weren't making love, Jan always looked at her with an unspoken fear. Josephine tried to assuage it by maintaining a previously-thought impossible amount of vigor, which seemed to help Jan's spirits, but did nothing to support Josephine's ever-waning energy.

Josephine took her walks rarely, now, and when she did her circuit was short. She walked with Dorian, who had continued to visit her despite Jan's return. Jan had sent him away on a mysterious mission last week, though, and she had not walked since. Her body was sore, and the physical challenge of Jan's lovemaking was enough to drain all of her energy.

"Blackwall confronted me this morning in the sparring ring," Jan said that afternoon.

They were sitting in the gazebo, which Josephine had commissioned to be outfitted with a writing table and a comfortable chair. A staff person walked the cushions of her chair and several blankets out to the gazebo at dawn, and Josephine brought the cushions and blankets in when she was finished for the day.

"About what?" Josephine asked, not looking up from her work.

"You."

Josephine narrowed her eyes at Jan, waiting.

"He said I wasn't treating you - he accused me of taking advantage of you," Jan said, meeting Josephine's eyes. Her posture, always exceptional, was noticeably stiff. Proud.

"He has no idea what is going on," Josephine said, trying to diffuse Jan's obvious irritation.

"I told him that you were already engaged to someone else," Jan said, which made Josephine groan and cover her face.

"Why would you tell him that?" To her knowledge, none of Jan's companions but Leliana and Jim knew about the engagement.

"Everyone thinks that I am misusing you," Jan said.

"Why? Because we are not married?"

Jan shrugged and looked out on the garden, where Morrigan was belly-down under an impressive bush, despite the snow drifts around her. Josephine knew the bush; it had been donated by Alistair after the successful diffusion of the rogue mage problem.

"They think that I am the one pushing you away," Jan said finally.

Josephine shook her head, rattled but unable to conjure a response to Jan. The implication was clear: they should not just be working together in the garden. They should be sharing a room, and dining together.

Finally, Josephine said, "All they would need to do is speak to any of the nobles we are hosting here, and they would know about the engagement." The pretense was not for the Inquisition's military, or her advisors; it would be reasonable that those closest to them would know of their continued involvement. But they could not sleep in the same room, for appearances' sake if nothing else. They had to maintain a reasonable distance for the noble guests continuously circulating between Skyhold and Val Royeaux - nobles who would be attending weekly balls, and who would readily share any and all gossip gathered on the Inquisitor and her ambassador.

"They don't care about what the precious Orlesian court thinks," Jan hissed, and stood suddenly. "I don't think I will be able to finish any more letters today. Is there anything I can bring to Jim?"

Josephine looked down at her papers, which were in disarray on the table. "I - no, I don't think so," she said, and Jan stormed away.

It took a few hours for Josephine to regain her composure, and in that time the sky darkened to the point that it was no longer reasonable to work outside. _Another day wasted,_ Josephine thought in irritation. The amount of work that remained seemed enormous, insurmountable. Jan had been back for three weeks, and Josephine had no idea how much longer she had before the baby tore out of her and demanded her every attention. The thought provoked an equal mixture of dread and anticipation.

She contemplated the unbelievably heavy swell of her body, unconsciously rubbing it. Whenever Jan visited her room, which Josephine had tried to limit to three times a week, she rubbed grapeseed oil on Josephine's body, massaging Josephine's back and carefully rubbing it into Josephine's hopelessly stretched skin.

She had the feeling that Jan would not be visiting her that night, although they had missed the previous night, too. After clearing her papers away, Josephine stole through the main hall during dinner and made her way up to Jan's tower. She stayed the night for the first time since Jan's return, trying to soothe Jan's pain by offering a million kisses and her body.

* * *

The next day, the mystery of Dorian's mission was revealed. He returned to Skyhold accompanying a supposedly well-regarded professional childbirth doctor from Val Royeaux, Evan Barrere, who upon sighting Josephine insisted that a normal childbirth was not an option.

Ali disagreed, but after examining Josephine, the doctor just became more adamant. "It is not safe for you or the baby," he said. "I have performed this procedure many times, Ambassador. It is far easier before you go into labor, but I can guarantee that it is unavoidable regardless of if you wait or not. My recommendation would be to perform it immediately."

Josephine asked to see the instruments he planned to use, and then refused unconditionally to let him anywhere near her or her baby. The doctor insisted that the procedure was perfectly safe, with the liberal use of drugs and healing potions, but Josephine was still dead opposed.

They brought in a two midwives from the nearby village the next day, and the midwives agreed with Josephine about the precariousness of the procedure. The debate was at a standstill until Josephine crafted a compromise that involved sending several letters out to physicians in Val Royeaux to survey their rates of success. Anything less than 95% average success was too low for her.

The doctor began hedging, saying that each doctor might have different conditions under which they performed the procedure, which only hardened Josephine's opposition to letting him anywhere near her. She wouldn't allow Jan register her opinion whatever, but Jan made it obvious that her fear for Josephine was her only motivation at this point. The attitude irritated Josephine so much that she banned Jan from her room entirely, pending the response of the physicians in Val Royeaux. That was when Jan began drinking.


	15. Chapter 15

It had been four nights since their disagreement about the doctor's proposal, and Jan had been conspicuous in her absence from all the dinners but tonight's. Josephine had felt her eyes on her through the meal, and had avoided making eye contact with her at all. The childishness of Jan's fits only made her more exasperated. Whatever was bothering Jan so much, it was obviously something that Josephine had limited control over, or she would have done something about it already.

Josephine had just made it back to her room when Jan thundered through the door. She didn't speak at all; instead, she caught Josephine up in her arms and kissed her, hard. Her kiss tasted like strong red wine and desperation.

She backed Josephine up against the wall, still kissing her. Josephine broke the kiss and asked, "Are you drunk?" She hadn't seen Jan drunk, ever, but it was possible.

"Tipsy," Jan admitted.

Josephine hummed, deciding that she wouldn't kick Jan out of her room. Then she kissed Jan, trying to slow Jan's frantic pace. She only partially succeeded, and Jan moved down her jaw and started nipping her neck, her hands running in long strokes up and down Josephine's body. Josephine closed her eyes and tried to feel Jan's fingers, and only felt the drunken pawing of a stranger.

When Jan fell to her knees and pressed her face against Josephine's breasts, Josephine put her fingers in Jan's hair. Then Jan pinched her nipple painfully, and Josephine said softly, "Stop, Jan." Jan turned her face into that breast and squeezed it, and Josephine pushed against Jan's shoulder and said, "Stop it, you're hurting me."

Jan dropped down to her haunches and dropped her hands onto her lap, looking up at Josephine with an expression of bewilderment. The look was so helpless that Josephine had to say, "Hey, it's OK," and pull Jan's head back against her breasts. She stroked her hair for a few minutes, letting Jan's long arms encircle her waist, and then kissed her lips and said, "Lie down on the bed."

Jan pulled away from the embrace and stumbled over to Josephine's bed. She stretched her body diagonally across its unposted length, which still left her feet hanging off the edge closest to Josephine.

Josephine crawled up next to her on her hands and knees, trailing her hand up Jan's back and remembering their first time. She had lain on Jan's naked back, with Jan lying on her stomach just like this. Josephine had the unexplainable urge to lay on Jan's back again, but she couldn't lay on her stomach at all anymore, not for months.

She settled for asking Jan to take off her clothes, Jan's fumbling fingers betraying more than just the influence of alcohol. Jan's eyes were pinched, pained, but she still did not speak. Josephine helped her pull off the many layers of her formal wear, staying on her knees, and then she started rubbing Jan's back softly, scratching on upward passes. She pressed her fingers on Jan's bulging shoulder muscles, and Jan moaned into the mattress.

"You are so beautiful," Josephine murmured, moving her fingers along Jan's arms. She leaned down to kiss her shoulder blade, the pose proving difficult and uncomfortable. She drew the first kiss into a line of kisses down Jan's spine, and then sat back up, deciding it couldn't possibly be worth the strain.

She scratched Jan's butt with her fingernails, and Jan's body twitched. "Are you OK?"

"Better," Jan rasped. "Tell me more."

Josephine's lip twisted and she moved back to Jan's shoulders. "I have always loved your body, Jan. I love your skin."

"Grey," Jan said, her voice muffled.

"It's perfect," Josephine said. "So soft. I love touching you."

"Nobody has ever touched me like you do."

Josephine laughed. "You said that before, but I can't imagine that it's true."

"Everyone sees me for _what_ I am, not _who_ I am." Jan peeked over her shoulder at Josephine. "I think you see me." Her eyes unexpectedly filled with tears and she turned back into the mattress.

"We are getting through this," Josephine said, laying down and putting her arm over Jan's shoulder. She nuzzled against Jan's ear, and Jan turned her face to look at her. They stared at each other for a few long moments, and then Josephine kissed Jan, finally feeling the burn of arousal in her core. Jan was turning her body into Josephine's, wrapping her arm around Josephine's back. Jan felt too far away, with Josephine's belly intruding between their bodies. Josephine could barely reach around Jan's back at all.

"I am so sorry I hurt you, Josephine."

"Shh," Josephine said, running her fingers up Jan's stomach to squeeze her breast. She scooted down and licked her nipple, relishing the wave of goosebumps that ran all the way across Jan's back. She ran her fingers down Jan's body, following the goosebumps down to Jan's ass, and then Jan arched into her touch and Josephine bit her nipple. Jan was gasping into her, and Josephine continued her hand's journey down Jan's thigh, and then around on the inside of her thigh up to her center.

Jan opened up to her touch, and Josephine took her other hand and put it behind Jan's neck, pinning her into a deep kiss and slipping her finger into Jan's folds. Jan broke the kiss, gasping, already so wet that Josephine slipped one finger deep into her without thinking. Her body rippled around the finger, and then Josephine pulled out of her and found her clit, rubbing circles around it and holding Jan's neck tightly with her other hand. Jan's eyes were closed, but Josephine still looked at her face as she slipped her finger back inside of Jan.

Jan turned into the light touch, flipping mostly onto her back and raising her hips off the bed. Josephine pushed up on one arm, trying to follow Jan, but her belly was in the way and it seemed impossible to keep their contact in that position. So she got off the bed and pulled Jan's legs, allowing Jan to follow her to the edge of the bed.

Jan sat up, her eyes bright, and kissed Josephine. "Better?" Josephine asked breathlessly.

"The best," Jan said, and then Josephine pressed her fingers into Jan and Jan collapsed into the mattress. Josephine used three fingers and her left hand, and Jan rested her legs lightly on Josephine's hips, her body so open and trembling that Josephine was gentle with her, through the end.

* * *

It would have been reasonable to expect a certain level of satisfaction from Jan the next day, but she showed up in the garden even later than usual that afternoon, eyes bloodshot and legs restless. She sat closer than she ever had before, knocking her knee against Josephine's, and asked more questions about her letters than Josephine thought possible. She was on edge, and the relentless energy was exhausting to Josephine.

Finally, she bored of letter-writing and started pacing back and forth in front of Josephine's table, until Josephine asked her to leave. She stomped out of the garden, shoulders uncharacteristically stooped.

Josephine was putting the final touches on a Gantt chart for the continued Inquisition operations in Kirkwall when Leliana rushed over to her. "Jan is in a fistfight with Blackwall. Do you want me to deal with it?"

"Ah, no," Josephine said, unsure of exactly what solution Leliana was proposing, and not interested in finding out. She hurried with Leliana through a back exit straight to the Herald's Rest, Skyhold's inaptly named pub. Every pounding moment seemed endless, but with Leliana's firm hold on her arm she made fairly good time. _This better not be about me again,_ Josephine thought irritably.

They burst through the doors of the pub to find a very different scene than Josephine had expected. A small crowd had gathered a reasonable distance away from the far corner, where several benches were in splintered pieces. The surrounding tables were in disarray, slammed against each other to clear the area surrounding Jan.

Jan was standing in the cleared space, holding Blackwall's bloody and unconscious body against the wall. She had her hands on either side of his skull.

"Jan, stop!" Josephine shouted, the sound cutting through the still air. She picked her way through the tables, and Jan turned slightly, searching out her face in the crowd.

The spectators parted for her, and she walked up to Jan and said, "Let him go."

Jan blew out a tense breath, her face cold but her eyes as hot as coals. "Fine," she said, and she let Blackwall's body down. When his feet hit the ground, she released his head and gently let him down to the floor. She fumbled in a pouch for a second, and then took out a healing potion and placed it next to Blackwall's limp hand.

Then she stood, eyes simmering. She gave the room a sweeping gaze, and then looked down at Josephine. She was terrifying, a barely constrained monstrosity.

"Come with me," Josephine said, surprised that her voice didn't waver. Jan nodded slightly and followed Josephine out of the pub. Whispers began as Jan closed the door behind them.

There were only a few places they go. Requisitions was closest, and hopefully uninhabited. Josephine marched over to the barn-like structure and opened the door, calling into the room ahead of them. Nobody answered, and so they closed the door behind them. The solitary lantern threw their shadows against the wall, Josephine's shadow suddenly looming over Jan's.

"You need to get it together. Staying up all hours, drinking, your rotten attitude… now it's bar fights with your companions? You're not a mercenary anymore. You're the Herald of Andraste! Stop acting like scum."

Jan was solemn under the onslaught. Josephine couldn't shake the image of Jan almost crushing Blackwall's skull, but she stepped closer anyway, taking one of Jan's hands in hers and putting it on her belly. "I am - this is your baby, Jan. You're going to be a parent. Stop moping around and picking fights. This is what matters."

Jan blinked away tears. She nodded, dropped to her knees, and kissed Josephine's stomach. "I love you, little one," she whispered. Then she stood and looked at Josephine. "You're right, I have been very foolish. I got so consumed by my jealousy," she swallowed and Josephine leaned into her, putting her arms up against Jan's back to pull Jan closer. She could barely hold Jan around the enormous swell of her belly. She never got used to it, probably because every day the situation got worse.

"Stop being so stupid," Josephine said. "I need you here, with me, not distracted by this nonsense. I can't do this alone."

Jan wrapped her arms around Josephine and rubbed her back. Josephine soaked in the heady feeling of finally holding Jan again, though it had only been last night that they had been together. The reunion was always sweet. "I know," Jan said finally. "I know. I just want to kill this guy so much. I asked Leliana -"

"I know, she told me. You can't kill him, Jan."

" _I_ could. I could go to his house, walk through the door, and smash -"

Jan's hand had formed a fist against Josephine's back. "Stop it," Josephine said, pushing against Jan's chest and looking at her. "You're so scary when you're like this."

"What would that be called? An assassination? A - a murder?"

"There would be nothing legal, or moral, about it."

"Surely men kill each other in Antiva," Jan protested.

"In duels, Jan," Josephine said, and then had a sinking feeling. "You don't go to someone's house and kill him. You meet in a designated spot and you fight with noble weapons, and usually you extract a surrender rather than - rather than squeezing a man's skull until the -" She stopped talking, swallowing the gory image.

"A duel. Of course," Jan said. "A duel for your hand."

"You can't do it, Jan. I don't know what you're even thinking." She pulled away and leveled her fiercest stare at Jan. "You can't leave me now. And my parents will be here in three weeks," she added. "Everything is happening so fast. Imagine if you were gone when they arrived."

Jan shook her head, eyes smouldering. She put her hand softly on the back of Josephine's neck and pulled her against her chest. Josephine could feel the tension in Jan's body, and gripped Jan back, hard. "You can't leave me now," she said again.

"Yes," Jan said finally. "You're right. I have to see our daughter. I have to make sure you're safe."

"And I need you."

"I love you, Josephine," Jan said, and bent to kiss her. The kiss started hard and softened into the kiss of lovers, and Josephine let Jan fall to her knees and pull down her pantaloons, slipping her hand between Josephine's legs and caressing her clit. She was already wet; she was always wet now.

Josephine turned around, pressing her back against the hard plane of Jan’s chest. Jan nipped her neck, and Josephine threw her head back and arched into the touch. She hissed encouragement, but Jan’s fingers only dipped slightly into her, enough for Josephine’s body to grip them. “Everyone knows this is your baby,” Josephine finally gasped, her hips bucking into Jan's hand as Jan pulled her fingers back out. “They know that I'm yours, Jan. They can see - I'm yours - they can see your baby growing inside me.”

Jan kept her touch light, and Josephine rode her, trying to capture her fingers. The deeper touch was elusive. “I'm so full,” Josephine said, gasping. She let her fingers run down her own belly, ripe with Jan's child. Jan squeezed her nipple and then her hand followed Josephine's down her body. 

“You're bigger every day.” Jan finally spoke, familiar words. Jan's body was radiating intensity, and it was suddenly surprising that Jan could keep her fingers on Josephine's outside. She normally could not resist slipping at least one finger in.

“Make me fuller, Jan. Give me everything.” Jan must know that Josephine wanted to be penetrated, and she was trying to tease her. Josephine wouldn't beg. She would talk Jan into distraction, and then Jan would slip inside her. “You're so good to me.” It was almost a whine, pleading. 

“You're mine,” Jan said, her fingers dipping again, just enough for Josephine’s body to ripple. The pressure at her entrance made Josephine hurt with need, and Jan's light touch on her clit only fed the ache.

“Yes, yes, I'm yours. This is your baby inside me.” She rode Jan’s fingers, letting the pleasure build in her, letting herself take whatever Jan would give her. “Give me everything.” She felt the orgasm approaching. Did she want to come? She stilled her hips, trying to decide. Her body ached for release. She felt Jan's body, tense, powerful, against her back, and she slipped her hand around Jan's ribs, grasping for closeness. “Take care of me, baby. You're so good to me.” Jan finally let her fingers slip in to the first knuckle, and Josephine was over the edge. The orgasm was long and hard, and Josephine was so exhausted at the end of it that she leaned fully into Jan.

Jan squatted, and Josephine sat on her legs, the position unexpectedly comfortable. “You're a horrible tease,” Josephine said finally. 

Jan's face was buried in her hair. “You liked it,” she murmured. 

“I just love your fingers. Apparently you don't even have to do anything with them.”

Jan laughed, and Josephine stood, taking her hand and leading her back to her room. There they undressed and continued the dance until they were both sweating, exhausted, and utterly sated.

* * *

It had been a beating, savage and merciless. Jan had systematically pummelled Blackwall, over his pleas for mercy, and when he fell unconscious she pinned him to the wall to execute him. The castle was alive with the story. Blackwall had said something, a sideways implication that Josephine had chosen an unknown noble in Antiva over Jan, and unleashed the storm that had been brooding those four long weeks.

Josephine did not know if there _was_ a good way to respond to the situation. The only upside was that the beating had been completely silent, which meant that Jan's motivations could only be speculated at. Nobody knew that Jan was using Blackwall as a proxy for Josephine's fiancé, or that Jan was pressuring Leliana to assassinate Lord Otranto using the Inquisition's spy network. That, at least, mitigated the damage somewhat.

But the fact that Jan was Qunari, which the Inquisition had always striven to overcome, had never been clearer. The feat of effortless strength that Jan had displayed, while appropriate on the battlefield, was the subject of intense scrutiny now. Josephine's intervention was also the subject of debate, but did not seem to help the case in Jan's favor; rather, it highlighted the fact that if Leliana had not fetched Josephine, Jan would probably not have stopped before Blackwall was dead.

Josephine couldn't blame the people in the bar for their hesitation in intervening, either. Sera and Cole had been there, but the only people in Skyhold who might have been able to physically restrain Jan, Cullen and the Iron Bull, were conspicuously absent. Solas showed no indication that be even knew that the Herald's Rest existed, and Dorian was suddenly far less available - Josephine suspected a lover. The fact that Blackwall hadn't stood a chance against Jan made Josephine suspect that perhaps Leliana was the only one who could have stopped Jan, by knocking her out. That would have probably looked worse. _Probably._

Josephine could scarcely take time to reflect on her own feelings about Jan's behavior, even the morning after, when the heady feeling of Jan's touch had left her veins. It obviously hadn't dulled her physical desire for Jan, but the horrific image would still not leave her head. She'd had a month to stitch "The Crusher" into the tapestry of Jan's personality, and hadn't realized how badly she'd failed at it.

She woke with a certainty that the situation was already exploding, even before hearing the extent of Jan's brutality. Jan and Josephine met with Blackwall, who agreed to remain with the Inquisition on the condition that he never needed to deal directly with Jan again, something Jan was heartily in favor of. Neither party expressed any remorse for what they had done, but Josephine took what she could get and moved on to the nobles. She was meeting with her third duke of the day when her water broke.


	16. Chapter 16

She got through the meeting without too much trouble, and when the Duke left she stopped everything and assessed herself. Her heart was beating rapidly, had been all day. She was tense, anxious; she thought that it was just because of the diplomatic disaster that Jan had unrepentantly caused. There it was, an achingly familiar feeling, one that had dogged her body for the past month. She could tell that it had been happening all day, now that she thought about it. It was painful, so painful with her mind fully focused on it that Josephine had to bite back a gasp.

She hummed a little to herself, and then carefully stowed her notes from the meeting and made her way to her room. She only had a few minutes before the Lady Renée was supposed to arrive, so she had to change quickly.

It wasn't until dark that Josephine set aside her quill for the last time. She contemplated the fire, crackling merrily in her office. Jim had helpfully volunteered to take his meetings in the gardens; this was one of his specialties, thank the Maker. He would have to meet with the rest of their visitors tomorrow.

She wasn't sure how long she sat watching the fire crackle, tired to the bone but driven, wakeful. It was the end. Whatever would happen, would happen in the next - what? Hours? In the next day? She would finally know. She was so terrified that she could barely move.

"It's just us, now," Josephine told her daughter. But really, it had only ever been them. "Be gentle with me." This child, hopelessly robust through all her attempts to expel it, would certainly survive.

She gritted her teeth through another cramping contraction. It was more painful now, and far longer than it should have been. When she got through it, she wondered what it would be like to hold that perfect tiny body in her arms, lifeless, and that image finally drove her to stand and put away all her papers. It was dinner, but Josephine walked past the dining tables in the main hall to Jan's door, leaning against it in what she hoped was a casual manner as she rode through another terrible contraction. Then she dragged herself through the door and slowly up the stairwell.

She opened Jan's door, feeling suddenly lightheaded, and called up the stairs, "Jan?"

"Josephine," Jan said, her voice full of relief.

"Help," Josephine said shortly, and Jan was there in a heartbeat, scooping her up and carrying her up the stairs to the bed. Another contraction hit, and with the pain came a wave of fury. Josephine put her arms around Jan's hateful shoulders and gritted through it, burying her face in Jan's chest. Jan's flimsy linen shirt smelled good, fresh. Jan tried to lay her down on the bed, but Josephine kept her arms around Jan, hanging on to her. Jan laid eagerly down next to her on the bed and then studied Josephine's face.

"Are you OK?" Jan asked.

Josephine shook her head, unwilling to form the words. The contraction ended, and Josephine gasped for air.

"Are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Get Ali and Antonia and - what is her name -"

"Winter," Jan said softly. "It's happening."

Josephine nodded and then pulled at Jan's shoulders, burying her face in Jan's neck. "You have to stay here."

"I have to get Ali and Antonia and Winter," Jan said, speaking too fast, but she held Josephine like she had in the tent, a lifetime ago. When the next contraction came, Josephine was ready for it, and dug her nails into Jan's shirt, squeezing her shoulders and neck, trying to impart the pain and frustration of the labor onto Jan's body, too.

"I hate you," Josephine informed Jan when it was over, and then she kissed her hard on the lips. Jan looked at her with bewilderment. "I don't want anyone here but you," she said. "You have to stay here."

"OK," Jan said. "Don't you think -"

"Shut up. You are the worst person."

"OK," Jan said, and rubbed her back in slow, comforting circles.

"Why did you have to try to kill Blackwall. He didn't do anything."

Jan shifted uncomfortably. "You're right."

"All anyone wanted to talk about to _me_ was this baby. It was horrible. It's like they are all here to see it for themselves, and they've been waiting until they got me alone."

"What assholes."

"I hate that you're a killer, Jan. I hate that you like crushing the life out of people."

"I know," Jan said helplessly.

"Why do you do that?"

"I don't know," Jan said, swallowing dryly.

"Tell me, Jan." Josephine glared at her fiercely.

"I guess I started doing it to intimidate people. The first time I was just angry, but talk about a good way to keep street kids in line."

"That's stupid," Josephine said, and then she grabbed Jan's shirt around the neckline and kissed her again, their tongues meeting and dancing. Finally Josephine broke the kiss. "You are such a child."

"This is a little hard for me, Josephine," Jan said.

"Deal with it," Josephine said, and then she was gasping. She gritted her teeth and pulled at Jan's shirt until it started coming apart a little, rough thread by thread. She buried her face in Jan's neck and tried to smell her, as if it would be a distraction. Finally she bit her, hard, on the neck. She drew blood, which was satisfying.

The contraction ended and she let Jan go, studying the mark she had made. She broke skin on the top and bottom, and the indentations of her teeth were visible all around the spot.

"OK, you can go get them now," she said.

Jan got up from the bed, leaving Josephine cold and empty. "Hold on, I'm coming with you," Josephine said, and sat up. Her head spun dizzily.

"Come back here," she said, frustrated. So Jan crawled back into the bed and held her again, her presence a comforting blanket. "I need you."

"I need you, too," Jan said. "How are you doing?"

"Bad. Scared."

"Me, too."

"What do we do?" Josephine asked.

"Just keep going, I think."

"Tell me a story, Jan."

"I only know terrible Qun stories."

"Tell me about something that happened in the Golden Asps."

"You won't like any of those stories, either," Jan laughed.

"I want to know every part of you," Josephine said. "I want to understand."

So Jan told her stories about the Golden Asps, their employers in the Free Marches and Ferelden, the battles she'd fought, the impudence of her troops, until it was so late that they worried that the midwives might have gone to sleep. Then they walked together, slowly, out to retrieve all of them, except the doctor from Val Royeaux. Jan kept her arms tight around Josephine, and for a half hour it felt like escape, although the contractions dogged her. For the second half hour it was hard to stay upright.

Winter suggested that she might want to be in her own room, but Josephine ignored her. When they got back to Jan's room, Antonia asked Jan to retrieve towels and a few of Josephine's nightdresses. Jan was still standing with her, propping her up between her arms.

Josephine grabbed both of Jan's forearms and said, "No, she can't go."

"Very well," Antonia said. "But you are still wearing your clothes. Don't you want to change?"

"Somebody else get them," Josephine insisted.

"Josephine, do you have anything here?"

Josephine looked at Jan, who inclined her head. "Get it." Jan let her down to a sitting position on the bed and dug around a little in her dresser, producing a forgotten nightdress.

She changed, was subjected to scrutiny, endured a lecture on her situation from each of them, and then they left Jan and her alone for a few more hours.

She walked circuits around the room, and when she couldn't walk anymore she went on her hands and knees. When she couldn't do that either, she lay on her side, Jan held her from behind, and Josephine squeezed Jan's arms and cursed the Maker and each of the Old Gods by name.

* * *

Ali came back first, examined her again, and said that everything seemed to be progressing smoothly. Then he pinned her with a serious stare and asked her how her strength was.

"Bad," Josephine said. "Terrible."

"Should I get Evan in here?"

"Evan can go to hell," Josephine said. He was not touching her.

"Remember, don't start pushing until we tell you to. Have you wanted to?"

Josephine considered the question, and then nodded wordlessly. Her body wanted to be done.

"If you can, you should try to walk around, Josephine." They had progressed to a first-name basis, something that Josephine didn't mind in the least. She found that she trusted him.

"OK," Josephine said, but when he left she stayed in bed, holding Jan's forearms. She couldn't stand any more. She could barely even breathe.

* * *

"Once the coconut made it back to the village, it gave itself over to the authorities, who broke it open and distributed the pieces. The whole village lived on the coconut for one more year, but then there was no coconut left and they all died."

"That is _not_ a real story," Josephine said.

"I told you they were terrible."

"That can't be a real story." Jan just shrugged, and then Josephine said, "Tell me another one."

* * *

At dawn, the three of them had a long and animated discussion between Josephine's legs. Ali thought she should "wait," and the midwives agreed with each other that she should start pushing. Josephine had the vague urge to kick them, but refrained, mostly out of exhaustion. She was mostly lying on Jan, and turned her face into Jan's arm, which was light across her breast.

"Stop stop stop," she whispered hoarsely as another contraction gripped her. They were far more painful now, impossibly painful. She no longer felt like she was part of them at all; her body had taken over completely, and all she wanted was for the pain to end.

"What do you want to do, Josephine?" Ali finally asked her.

Josephine groaned and held Jan's arm a little tighter, lightheaded.

"Just give her a minute," Jan said, and they all waited until the contraction finished.

"Josephine, they asked if you want to push now," Jan prompted softly.

"No," Josephine said immediately. "Make it stop."

"We can't," Jan said.

Ali said, "Should we fetch Evan? He is waiting outside."

"Fuck Evan. Don't say his name again," Josephine said, finding a little more energy in her hatred. She opened her eyes and closed her legs, turning on her side. "Go away."

"Do you want to push, Josephine?" Jan pressed.

"Stop. Leave me alone," she said again. "Go away."

They didn't leave the room, but sat around a table in the corner and waited silently. Gradually they faded from Josephine's consciousness. Then the room faded. Jan was the last to go, and then Josephine was completely alone with the pain.

* * *

"But Cassandra nearly died." A voice filtered through the haze.

"You'll do better this time," Jan said.

"No, I won't." A scoff. "I can't believe you're suggesting this. Did you not hear what she said? Her heart literally stopped beating, you know."

"Drain less," Jan said.

"I have no idea what controls how much drain there is!" It was Dorian. Why was he here?

"Solas will help," Jan said.

"What about Evan?" Dorian said. "There has to be an alternative."

"Josephine refuses to let him see her."

"She's completely unconscious. Look at her." There was a pause.

"So?"

Dorian grumbled bitterly. "I am breaking the connection, no matter what, if your heart stops."

The pain came again and Josephine knew nothing more of the conversation.

* * *

She woke with Jan's arms around her and her body against Josephine's back. A small sliver of the pain remained, but it was so faint that Josephine had to look for it. The pain had been replaced by a pressure, heavy and persistent, just below her belly. Dorian was standing next to the bed, and Solas was on the other side. Flaring blue and green energy danced in the space between them.

Josephine shifted to look at Jan. It felt like she was propping her arms up, but when Josephine looked, Jan's eyes were closed, her body relaxed. Josephine turned around and gripped Jan's body, effortlessly shifting Jan's arm off her in the process. It was normally so heavy in sleep that she had to wake Jan to move it.

"What's happening?" Josephine asked.

Dorian looked at her but shook his head, not speaking.

"Jan asked Dorian to drain Jan's strength into your body," Ali said. He was standing outside of the halo of light, almost impossible to see. "When the next contraction comes, you have to push."

Josephine studied Jan's face, and then gripped Jan's neck and pressed their foreheads together. "Why did she do this?"

"To help you, Josephine," Ali said. "Don't worry about her. Solas is watching her. Come down to the foot of the bed and get ready."

Josephine nodded and sat partially up, moving down to the end of the bed. The pressure made her want to lay flat on her back, but she pulled Jan's body with her to the bottom of the bed, folding her legs so that they didn't dangle. She put Jan's arm over her chest and opened her legs. The pain was dazzling, blinding, but Josephine barely noticed. It was nearly over. She pushed, and she could feel something shift.

"It's working," Ali said. "Keep going."

When the contraction ended, Josephine looked at Jan's arm and found a deep red mark on it. _I can't squeeze her_ , she realized, and pushed Jan's arm away.

"Almost there," Ali said, and then it was done.

"Release her," Solas said sharply, and Dorian nodded. The energy faded into the air, Jan stirred, and Josephine fainted dead away.

* * *

When she woke, the red light of the sun was shining through the west windows. She was in Jan's bed, under her covers. Her skin felt dry and clean, but her thighs were wet. Her back was a column of white pain, and her stomach felt hot, burning. She shifted, every movement setting her muscles to protest. Nobody was in the room.

There was a pile of towels next to her, and she took one of them and tried to wipe off the wetness between her legs. It came back bloody, and Josephine grimaced, unsurprised. It felt like her whole body was bleeding.

Her belly was soft, and Josephine ran her hand over it gingerly. It was still swollen, but felt empty. _She_ felt empty. She propped herself up on some of Jan's pillows, gasping at the pain of it.

There was a bustle outside the door, and Josephine heard the piercing cry of an infant. She stopped breathing.

The door opened, and Josephine recognized Jan's long, heavy strides coming up the stairwell. Their eyes met. "You're awake," Jan said, rounding the edge of the stairwell. She was carrying a bundle of blankets in her arms, and walked to the edge of the bed. "Are you OK?"

Josephine nodded and took a deep breath.

"We've been waiting for you," Jan said. The moment was surreal, endless.

The bundle was tiny and light. Her skin was darker than Josephine had expected, but then she remembered that Jan blushed dark and it made sense. Her eyes were open and unfocused, brown as the spirit had suggested. "Hey," Josephine said, and held the baby close to her face, touching her lips to the baby's forehead. "Hello," she whispered, feeling the fine soft hairs of the baby's head against her lips. She pulled away a little, reaching with her left hand to touch the fuzzy sprouts of horns, and laughed despite herself.

Jan got into the bed, staying far enough away that the mattress didn't pull Josephine down. Josephine looked up at her, and was suddenly cognizant of the tears pouring down her cheeks. Jan was crying, too. "Come closer," Josephine said, and Jan bridged the distance between them, putting her arm behind Josephine's head and wrapping her other arm over Josephine's. "Look at that," Josephine said.

"Perfect," Jan said. Josephine leaned her head back and Jan kissed her softly, and Josephine was complete. That was it. This was the only thing that she ever wanted again.


	17. Chapter 17

The quiet moment was broken by a slight vocalization from the baby, and Josephine looked back down at her. The blankets were loose around her, and her arm had come partially out, jerking unsteadily against Josephine's breast.

"Hey," Josephine said again, and touched her tiny hand. It was soft and moist, impossibly small. The fingers closed a little on Josephine's finger, and then released. "Is she hungry?"

"Antonia brought her daughter up to the castle this morning."

"Is she nice?" Josephine asked, studying Jan's face.

Jan shrugged. "She seems fine. You should meet her. They've probably gone back down to the lower level now."

"And she's available?"

"It seems like it," Jan said. "Her husband is a merchant, travels a lot. And her baby is already walking."

Josephine nodded and stroked the baby's cheek. It still felt like a dream, somehow impossible to believe. Her eyes were slowly closing, but then they snapped back open and she opened her mouth, gurgling. "Do you want to nurse?" Jan asked her.

"I think so," Josephine said.

"They said you won't have milk now, but you should do it if you want to get started."

Josephine was wearing a different nightdress now, one of the looser ones from her room. She tried to pull down the shoulder and gasped at the sudden pain that shot through her body.

"Oh," Jan said, and reached over to the bedside table. "Here, you should drink this."

A healing potion. "It isn't bad for the baby?"

"If it is, I guess we don't know about it. We already gave you a little."

Josephine hummed a little and then took the potion from Jan and swallowed half of it. She grimaced at the slick, oily aftertaste, and then a wave of heat ran from her head to her toes. The mending of flesh tingled and burned, and then it was done. Her back still hurt, her toes were still swollen, but the sharp pain between her legs was gone.

"Awful stuff, huh?" Jan said, watching her face.

"Elfroot," Josephine grimaced.

Jan took the vial from Josephine and drank the rest of it, and Josephine felt her body burn with it, too. She turned her head suddenly, looking for the mark she'd doubtless left on Jan's forearm, but it was already gone.

"What did Dorian do?" Josephine asked Jan, her attention already diverted back to the baby. She was content, barely moving, but Josephine could feel the life in her arms and it felt so strange, so different from being pregnant. She opened the rest of the blanket, noting how spindly her daughter's legs were in comparison to her body. So tiny.

The baby squalled at the sudden exposure, and Josephine closed the blanket again. "Sorry," she whispered, and unconsciously started rocking her. The infant kept complaining, her voice high and weak-sounding. "What do I do?" she asked Jan frantically, and the baby turned toward her voice.

"Hey, do you want me to talk to you?" she said, and the baby made one last squawk. "I love you so much." Jan's breathing shifted against her shoulder. "You are so very precious to me. You are the absolute most beautiful thing I have ever seen. OK?" she asked the baby, who didn't respond. "OK," she answered herself, and kissed the baby's forehead again. She smelled fresh, somehow.

After a few moments, Jan buried her face in Josephine's hair, breathing heavily. "I think Jan loves you too," she added, and Jan laughed shakily, sitting back up.

"I do," she said, putting her hand along the baby's face. The baby turned toward the touch, opening her mouth. "Oops."

"I think I want to try to nurse," Josephine said. "Here, take her."

Jan knelt next to her and took the infant, who settled comfortably in her arms. Josephine watched Jan as she murmured at the baby, her heart starting to pound. Jan looked up sharply and smiled, and Josephine tried to smile back through the lump in her throat. She flashed back to five months ago in her office, when she imagined this very moment. What a long road it had been, but the feeling was the same. Jan was the only one who provoked this explosion of emotion in her.

It occurred to her that she was hopelessly in love. The realization made her somehow peaceful, as if something had released itself in her chest. She could finally stop fighting. The battle had turned into a rout long ago, and Josephine was happy to finally offer her surrender.

Jan looked back up from the baby. "What are you thinking about?"

"How happy I am," Josephine said.

"Good. It looked like you were going to claw my eyes out for a second."

Josephine frowned. "How crude. When?"

"Just then. Do you want her back?"

Josephine nodded, easily slipping the strap off her right shoulder and pulling the dress down to reveal her breast. The nipple was dripping something clear, she realized; strange that she hadn't felt it. "Here," Jan said, and transferred the baby over to Josephine.

Josephine held the baby with one arm and negotiated her nipple toward her mouth, and she latched on easily, starting to suck. The sensation was strange and new, a little ticklish. "Fast learner," Josephine murmured. She couldn't wrench her eyes away.

Jan settled back down beside her. Finally the baby jerked off her breast, making a discontented sound.

"Here, you're supposed to burp her."

"What?" Josephine asked.

"Let me show you," Jan said.

Josephine rolled her eyes and clutched the baby. "Goodbye," she whispered in her ear, which just made the baby fuss more.

Jan took her and stood up, setting her against the bed to wrap the blankets tighter. Then she picked her straight up, holding her vertically with one arm, her hand behind the baby's head. She bounced a little and patted the baby's back with her other hand, grinning at Josephine. The baby was tiny against her massive torso, actually almost the same size as Jan's arm.

Jan was shining, unabashedly giddy. The cloud of doom that followed her through the last three months had completely fled her, and seeing her so free was an unexpected relief to Josephine. This was Jan as Josephine loved her best, not the bitter, towering monstrosity that she had become in the past month. Josephine hoped that this baby had cured her of the jealousy - at least long enough for her parents to break off Josephine's engagement.

"OK, I get it. Give her back." Josephine sat up, which was a remarkably painless process.

Jan obeyed her, making sure that Josephine was holding her neck before allowing her to take her. Apparently Josephine had missed a lot already, which annoyed her, but she couldn't help but love the way Jan eagerly explained each detail.

Once the baby burped, Josephine moved her to her other arm to examine the other side of her face. It looked the same as the left side. She was slowly falling asleep.

"What are you going to call her?" Jan asked.

"Oh," Josephine said. "I didn't think of that."

Jan laughed at her. "That's not possible."

"What do you think? Mariel? Zoe?"

"Ferelden names," Jan observed.

"Help me," Josephine pled, suddenly desperate to decide.

"Felicity," Jan suggested.

"Felicia," Josephine countered, and then thought. "Leslie."

"Are you staying in Ferelden, Josephine?"

"Well, she was born here," Josephine justified. She wasn't sure why she didn't want to use an Antivan name. It just seemed like she would be assuming that her daughter would fit in Antiva. She wasn't sure.

"What about Aurora?"

"Sunrise," Josephine translated, and considered the baby's face. "Aurora Felicity Montilyet."

"Is that what you want?"

Josephine frowned, trying to figure out what Jan meant. "Oh, because you thought of both of them?"

Jan shrugged. "Yes."

"Yes," Josephine said, and leaned into Jan for a kiss. The kiss was long and ardent, and it provoked a sharp pang between Josephine's legs. _I love you,_ Josephine thought, and broke the kiss, looking at Jan with new eyes.

"What?" Jan asked.

"Thank you for what you did," Josephine said. "It sounded like Dorian thought it was a bad idea."

"You heard that?"

"Parts," Josephine said, shaking her head. "I would never have been able to do it without you."

Jan shrugged. "It seemed like it would work. We weren't sure if it would revive you, but I'm glad it did."

"He said you could have died. What a stupid risk. But thank you."

" _You_ could have died," Jan said. "I was so afraid of losing you, all these months. It just seemed so impossible. Anything to keep you. It was worth any risk."

"Also… I'm sorry for being mean to you at the beginning. "

Jan laughed at that. "I deserved every word of it."

"You didn't deserve it," Josephine said, reaching out to grasp Jan's hand. "You are too good to me."

"Nothing is too good for you, Josephine."

Josephine rolled her eyes. "Lay behind me."

Jan scrambled behind her, moving pillows for room. Josephine laid back, comfortable against Jan's somewhat hard chest, with Jan's arms encircling Josephine and Aurora. Josephine kept her legs bent a little to prop up her arms, and watched the baby sleep. After a few minutes, she felt Jan's breaths even out and deepen, but she stayed awake until Aurora woke. She nursed her and then asked her what had come of yesterday's scandal. It could easily have been forgotten in the wake of Josephine's disappearance. All the nobles cared about was the baby, anyway.

Had it been obvious that the birth had happened in Jan's room? She assumed not; birth in noble circles wasn't spoken of in specific detail. Hopefully they had another day before Josephine had to make a public appearance. "We are going to stay right here until then," Josephine promised. "Your mom will take good care of us." Aurora looked at her as if she understood.

It was so easy to imagine never leaving Jan's quarters, never sleeping in that awful basement again, but even as she thought it, Josephine knew that she could have to leave. _Just two weeks longer_ , she reminded herself.

Once her parents arrived, hopefully the negotiations with Lord Otranto would not take more than a month or two. "Don't tell Jan I said this, but I hate him," she whispered confidentially. "Are you excited to meet _i tuoi nonna e nonno_?"

Aurora gurgled at her. Her hand was close to her own face, the fingers moving in an uncoordinated way. She had such tiny fingernails. "I'm a little nervous too," she said. "But you are so beautiful. I think they will understand. How could they not?"

She searched the infant's face for recognizable features, but there was nothing except the skin, which held a distinct bluish hue. Maybe she should send the Iron Bull away? No, that would only be more suspicious. The nose was cute, like Jan's, but Josephine couldn't imagine a baby with the Iron Bull's nose. She shuddered.

"We are just going to have to be very convincing. We will meet them together, and Jan will be there. We will tell them that we planned to announce after you were born, and they will have to decide if they want to keep us in the inheritance. We must hit them with everything all at once. We will be sure that the Iron Bull is at dinner, and sits close by. Not too close, of course."

Jan stirred behind her. "What's this about the Iron Bull?"

Josephine jumped. "How long have you been awake?"

"'Hit them with everything at once,'" Jan repeated back to her. "What does Aurora think about it?"

"I'm afraid she finds it terribly boring," Josephine said. The baby's eyes were drooping.

"Oh! I forgot. Leliana told me that I had to fetch her the moment you woke. She's already met Aurora."

Josephine grumbled. "Everyone met her before I did. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I forgot," Jan said sheepishly. "Should I go now? Do you need anything? Food?"

"Yes," Josephine said, suddenly ravenous.

"Alright," Jan said. "I'll be right back."

She returned with Leliana, Dorian, Solas, and Cole a short time later. "How are you ladies doing?" Dorian asked the moment they rounded the stairwell.

"Well, thanks to you." Dorian bowed with a flourish. Josephine looked at Leliana, who was standing in shadow. She was holding a small bouquet of spring flowers in her hands. Leave it to Leliana to find flowers when the castle grounds were still blanketed with snowdrifts.

"Thank you for coming, Leliana. And you, Solas, Cole." They all approached the bed, and Josephine suddenly wished she'd had the foresight to get a robe. She hadn't expected the crowd.

"Have you all met Aurora?" she asked.

"No," Cole said, and held out his hands. Jan scrambled onto the bed and transferred Aurora carefully to Cole, instructing him as she did so.

Leliana set the vase down on the bedside table and then sat on the bed. Josephine reached over and tugged her hood off her face. "Where on earth did you find those?" she asked.

"It is good to see that you are well," Leliana replied, her voice almost lost in the din of Dorian and Jan.

"Jan did it," Josephine said. "She gave me the strength I did not have."

"If I had been there, I would have made you get the operation," Leliana said. "So I suppose Jan knew what was better for you."

Josephine squeezed her hand, troubled by the bitterness in her voice. "Don't you see, Leliana," she said finally. "This was exactly what was supposed to happen. I am finally, completely happy."

"Are you?" Leliana said.

"Yes. Look at her. She is everything, _everything_ I have ever wanted."

"And Jan?"

"Everything is perfect," she said.

Leliana finally cracked a smile, and Josephine beamed back at her. "Jan wouldn't let me in this morning," she said finally. "Did you know?"

"No," Josephine said. "Really?"

"She said you were too weak."

Josephine frowned. "At what time?" She couldn't remember Jan leaving her side.

"Eight," Leliana said.

"I think I fainted. I don't remember Jan ever leaving me. You talked in person?"

"You fainted _?"_ Leliana said sharply.

"Briefly," said Josephine, deciding to roll with the deception. "I didn't know you tried to visit."

"I guess there was a lot happening, wasn't there?"

"Yes," Josephine admitted. Jan had tried to conceal what was happening to Josephine from Leliana. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, but it was certainly true that Leliana had always been in favor of Evan's proposal. She could see the logic, but the hurt in Leliana's eyes made her wish there had been another way.

"I am truly sorry, Leliana," she said. "Will you stay here now?"

"Of course," Leliana said, and Josephine patted the bed next to her. Leliana sat on top of the covers and leaned against the headboard, and they talked about what had, in fact, happened to the scandal.

After everyone left, Josephine finally ate, watching Jan pace the room with Aurora. "That's the fire. Look, this is called a lamp."

The enthusiasm in Jan's voice made Josephine laugh. "She doesn't understand what you're saying, Jan."

"It's never too early to start!" Jan protested, and then she put Aurora's small hand on the curtain and said, "Curtains."

The sky was darkening, the sun completely lost under the western mountains. When Josephine finished eating, Jan lay Aurora down between them and they kissed for a long time, the kisses feeling familiar but somehow new. Then Josephine told Aurora to listen carefully.

_Tal the Beetle was ever so small, but she was wise as the willow tree, and she knew all the secrets of the earth, the sea, and the sky. She lived in a hollow in the woods, and she was known throughout the land. One day, a farmer came to beg for help. 'My well has run dry, and I have dug for a week and found only dust. Will you help me?'_

_Tal the Beetle just nodded and scuttled away, toward the farmer's well. She was quickly lost in the leaves of the forest floor, but the farmer walked swiftly after and found Tal, perched near his house in a low place. Tal stared wisely at the farmer, her bright, hard green carapace glinting unmistakably in the sun. So the farmer began digging at that place, and hit water after a few days._

_A short time later, a knight came to the hollow. He searched carefully about, his eyes not ready for Tal, as he had never looked for beetles before. Finally he found Tal, and went to one knee before her. 'I come to you with the gravest of tidings, and beg you for your aid. A foreign lord has come to march on our holdings, and I am but one man to defend against his legion. Will you guide me in this hour?'_

_Tal carefully considered the knight. His battered armor was patched in places with fur and boiled leather, and his eyes were heavy with the sorrows of the land, and of his people. He could never hope to repel any force, yet still he hoped. Why did he cling so, to the peasants and land that had given him such a hard life?_

' _This lord is known to me,' the knight said finally. 'He is cruel and unfair, so it is not only for myself that I must fight.'_

_So Tal climbed up his leg and came to perch on the knight's shoulder. And the knight walked as if in a dream, and as he walked the peasants came after him, carrying their machetes and pitchforks and torches and bows. Along their flank, the wolves and bears of the forest slipped soundlessly. The knight walked, with no thought of fear, to the foreign lord's legion to bring war._

_The battle lasted three days, but at the end of it the foreign lord pulled away, cursing sorcery for landslides on flat ground, and fires in the midst of a thundering rainstorm. 'It is not sorcery,' the knight said. 'It is just our own guardian, the Beetle.'_

_The lord listened with clever eyes, and after a time he returned in disguise, asking after a magical beetle. The people, suspecting no treachery, sent him to Tal's hollow, where he searched tirelessly for a bright green beetle with eyes that could see as if from the sky. Finally he found Tal, and crushed her into a green pulp with the heel of his boot. 'You are nothing but a beetle,' he said, and spat on the remains of Tal's body._

_He rallied his army and once again matched on the knight, and once again the knight returned to Tal's hollow. He found Tal's ruined body and wept for his land, and for the beetle who was wiser than the willow trees._

_And then he stood and walked, with fear heavy in his heart. As he went, the farmer walked beside him. 'I have finished my well,' the farmer said proudly. The knight nodded his head, glad for the farmer's success, but too fearful to speak. 'Do not fear,' the farmer said. 'Look.'_

_The knight raised his eyes and found Tal there, perched on the farmer's shoulder. 'She watched over me while I dug the well. It is time to fight, and she walks with us now. Look.'_

_The farmer knelt down, and to his amazement, the knight saw that there was yet another beetle, just like Tal, on the ground before them. 'Tal is with us on the earth, just as the mountains watch us from afar, and the sun warms us in the deepest winter. She will never leave.'_

_So the knight and the farmer, and all of the peasants, and the beasts of the wild, came together and once again repelled the invaders, and there was peace in the land._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I will be posting chaotic other scenes to wrap up the rest of the questions in a different work, so check that one out too.
> 
> Oh, and I wrote a prologue series, too.


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